The Restaurant Critic

I'm usually pretty easy to please at a restaurant as long as the food is good and the server makes a decent attempt to wait on us. The worst experience I remember was at a Perkins restaurant in Memphis. Wifey and I went there ONCE. I got fish. It was raw. I sent it back. They sent it back burned. Wifey got pancakes. They were also raw. Back in the back, we noticed the kitchen workers shucking and jiving and moonwalking.

A few years later some of my ham radio friends and I visited a Perkins restaurant somewhere in Kentucky. The food sucked and the service sucked. So that did it for me. No more Perkins EVER!

Back in 2010 Wifey and I were shocked when the waitress at Red Robin completely forgot about us. I've already blogged about this. She was too busy shucking and jiving with her friends. We have been back to Red Robin and no further problems have occurred.

These are the exceptions. Most of the time things are OK. I want to discuss those little things that I frequently find at restaurants that are annoying:

ARTIFICIAL SWEETENER

There are 3 basic types of sweetener: Sweet-N-Low, NutraSweet, and Splenda. For those of us that don't use sugar, THERE ARE DIFFERENCES. Why are some restaurants so cheap that they only put Sweet-N-Low on the table and won't give you any other choices? Wifey hates Sweet-N-Low.

SILVERWARE

Believe it or not I have been in places where you had to ASK for silverware. There used to be a place locally (they are no longer there) that NEVER put silverware on the table, NEVER, we always had to ask for it. At a Shoney's in Nashville once, my friends and I went to the breakfast bar, but they never would bring us utensils and no amount of hell raising and hand waving did any good. I finally went up front and reached behind the counter and got some silverware myself. I was immediately chastised by one of the help. I quickly threw it right back at her and let her know that if she and her friends had not been shucking and jiving, I would not have had to take matters into my own hands. I have visited other places that would not bring silverware as well. To me, this seems like one of the basics.

KETCHUP

What is it with Denny's and ketchup? Seems like everytime I go in a Denny's, all the ketchup bottles on the table are empty. Once I tried stealing a couple from other tables. They were empty too. It also seems like the server disappears when you have a big plate of fries and no ketchup.

SALAD DRESSING

I am one of those folks that likes a little salad with my dressing. Why do some places bring a miniscule portion of dressing? You need a microscope to find it. And then they look at you with disdain if you ask for more. Also, what is it about Thousand Island Dressing? A lot of places don't have it. Wifey and I took a trip up through Ohio and Michigan a while back and no restaurant had Thousand Island. It really can't be that difficult to find, can it?

NAPKINS

Why can't restaurants put a stack of napkins on the table? Why do they want you to use just the one included with your silverware (if you're lucky enough to get silverware)? If they bring you something really messy, it's guaranteed you'll have it on you from head to toe before it's over. I have been in a few places that will put a roll of paper towels on the table.....GREAT IDEA!

COFFEE CUPS

Who ever invented Munchkin sized coffee cups should have their ass kicked into the middle of next week. I believe coffee should be served in Paul Bunyan sized mugs. This means fewer visits from the server as well.

LIGHTING

I believe in a romantic atmosphere but when the lights are so dim, you can't read the menu, it can be a problem.

SCREAMING KIDS

Don't put me close to them. I have blogged about this as well. The screeching and screaming is not conducive to good digestion.

Well that's enough for now. I bet the rest of you can think of some of those little things that annoy you in restaurants as well.