Watcher’s Council Nominations – Sequestration Boogie Man Edition..Boo!

Welcome to the Watcher’s Council, a blogging group consisting of some of the most incisive blogs in the ‘sphere, and the longest running group of its kind in existence. Every week, the members nominate two posts each, one written by themselves and one written by someone from outside the group for consideration by the whole Council.Then we vote on the best two posts, with the results appearing on Friday.
Council News:
 
Well guess what…we have another WoW birthday to celebrate!
Yesterday was the big day for our pal Greg over at Rhymes With Right, but I think we’ll celebrate it properly today, with some killer ‘cue, and of course, some well chilled Shiner Bock.

Whaddya say, old friend…can you stand another birthday do? I kinda think so….many, many more.
One of our illustrious Council alumni is also in the news..none other than our good friend David Gerstner, AKA Soccer Dad. David took a bit of a hiatus from blogging for awhile, although he continues to put out his superb Middle East Media samplers on an almost daily basis.
Ah, but the ‘sphere has a lure all it’s own. After getting his feet wet with a couple of great pieces published by Pajamas Media, David let me know he’s back in the game, as a co-blogger/galley slave for Professor Bill Jacobsen over at the superb site Le·gal In·sur·rec·tion.
You can check out his latest piece on LI here. Congrats, David!
Also, Council Members Bookworm Room and The Mellow Jihadi were both nominated by Right Wing News in the 11th annual Blogger Awards…Council Akbar! Hit that link and vote early and often.
This week, Crazy Bald Guy, Ask Marion, Right Truth and The Pirate’s Cove took advantage of my generous offer of link whorage and earned honorable mention status with some great articles.
You can, too! Want to see your work appear on the Watcher’s Council homepage in our weekly contest listing? Didn’t get nominated by a Council member? No worries.
Simply head over to Joshuapundit and post the title a link to the piece you want considered along with an e-mail address ( which won’t be published) in the comments section no later than Monday 6PM PST in order to be considered for our honorable mention category. Then just return the favor by creating a post on your site linking to the Watcher’s Council contest for the week.
It’s a great way of exposing your best work to Watcher’s Council readers and Council members. while grabbing the increased traffic and notoriety. And how good is that, eh?
So, all that said,  let’s take a look at what we have this week….

Council Submissions

• The Colossus of Rhodey – Question of the Day
• The Noisy Room – An Islamic Coup in India – Mughalistan
• Joshuapundit-Why Europeans Will Never Forgive The Jews For Auschwitz
• The Political Commentator – In death, how do you measure a life?
• GrEaT sAtAn”S gIrLfRiEnD – Iwo Jima Day
• Simply Jews – Pakistan: where it’s a blasphemy to be against the blasphemy laws
• The Razor – The New Scientist Admits Political Bias
• Rhymes With Right – HuffPo Columnist Calls For Obama Dictatorship!
• Bookworm Room – The Oscars — a fitting celebration for a vulgar culture
• VA Right! - CPAC’s Skewed Priorities: Progressive Liberal RINO Bob McDonnell Invited – GoProud Shunned
• The Right Planet – CNN Freaks Out Over ‘Draconian’ Sequester Cuts, Like the ‘Asteroid’ Video
• The Glittering Eye -The Incidence of the Corporate Income Tax
• The Mellow Jihadi – My Jihad, Now Improved with Flowers

Honorable Mentions

• Crazy Bald Guy – My review of “Tron: Legacy”
• Ask Marion – LaPierre: ‘Gun Registry Will Be Used to Confiscate Your Guns’… As DOJ Memo: ‘Outlaw and Confiscate All Guns’ Surfaces
• Right Truth – ‘Zero Dark Thirty’ stars support release of jailed doctor who helped U.S. find Usama Bin Laden
• The Pirate’s Cove – Sequestration In Context: US Borrows Cost Of Sequestration Every 28 Days

Non-Council Submissions

• Tablet – A World Without Jews submitted by The Colossus of Rhodey
• Walid Shoebat –Prophecy: What Lies Ahead submitted by The Noisy Room
• Andrew McCarthy – Are We Still At War? submitted by Joshuapundit
• International Liberty -Debunking Sequester Hysteria from the Big Spenders in Washington submitted by The Political Commentator
• Battleland/TMP Barnett –About China’s Hacking Army submitted by GrEaT sAtAn”S gIrLfRiEnD
• The Whited Sepulcher – Quotes from The Reality Based Community submitted by Simply Jews
• Zero Hedge –Two Cows: The Infographic submitted by The Razor
• Col-lege In-sur-rection – Millenials rejecting race-based admissions preferences submitted by Rhymes with Right
• Doug Ross-Hitler Finds Out About the Nationwide #DayOfResistance Rallies submitted by Bookworm Room
• Town Hall – Obama’s Paycheck Will be Exempt from Sequester submitted by VA Right!
• American Thinker – The Marxist Heart of Darkness submitted by The Right Planet
• Steve Hess/The Diplomat – Why Wasn’t There A Chinese Spring? submitted by The Glittering Eye
• Le·gal In·sur·rec·tion –San Diego Sheriff’’s spokeswoman stereotypes bloggers as “800-pound disabled man that can’t get out of bed and be a journalist” submitted by The Mellow Jihadi
• Forbes/Peter Schweizer – As Oscar Nominated Hollywood Moguls Bag Tax Cuts, They Seek To Raise Yours submitted by The Watcher
• The Commentator – Exposing the UN’s dirty little secrets submitted by The Watcher

Enjoy! And don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow us Twitter..’cause we’re cool like that!

Announcements and Events and New Stuff and Inventions and Life Is Just Exploding With Possibilities Today!

In yesterday's post, entitled "Harbinger of Scabies: The Mighty Mite That Might (Give You Scabies)," I used the word "theorum," and a reader tells me I should have written "theorem" instead:

Sadly, if Albert Einstein were still with us today, everybody would give him a bunch of crap for not wearing a helment, which would have inspired this theorum:  

theorem

Duly noted, and thanks, but I would remind anyone reading this blog to lower their expectations with regard to anything even remotely cerebral, since this is where I got my higher education, and I can assure you it was exactly as it's portrayed in the video.

This is not to say I haven't parlayed my mediocre state party school education into real-world success, for I just agreed to be the master of ceremonies at this event, which takes place in Williamsburg, Brooklyn on Wednesday, March 6th, at 8pm:

If you're unfamiliar with Brooklyn, it's a wealthy suburb of New York City and easily the most pretentious town on Long Island--so much so that it makes the entire North Shore seem like, well, what Brooklyn used to be like.  In fact, Brooklyn has become so precious that I swore off the place (and I'm pretty precious myself, so that says something), but I agreed to return because the opportunity to help a liquor company promote itself and promote myself at the same time was simply too good to pass up.

Anyway, you should come, because not only can you win a bike, but also because this is a great opportunity to get very drunk and laugh at me and not with me.  As for the performances by "The Babies and Nude Beach," I don't know if it's a band called "The Babies" and another band called "Nude Beach," or if it's one band called "The Babies and Nude Beach," or it's just a piece of performance art in which they cover the stage with sand and let a bunch of babies and naked people roll around on it, but whatever it is you can RSVP here and find out.

I'll do my best to make it fun, and if I fail you can blame the organizers and sponsors.  And let's hope nobody gets so drunk on Jack Daniel's that they die on the ride home, because that would be quite a publicity misfire.

Speaking of publicity, I've just been informed that the Giro New Road clothing collection embargo has been lifted.  Here's what the Giro New Road stuff looks like:

To be perfectly honest, I wouldn't have even remembered that the embargo was on if they hadn't emailed me to tell me it was off.  To be even more honest, I don't even really understand what an embargo is, or why you'd put one on bloggers.  I thought it's what you did to people like King Jong-un and Mahmoud Abdoujaparov.  I guess the point of this kind of embargo is that they spend a few months stroking and teasing a bunch of dorky bike bloggers into a state of hyper-arousal, but they time it so that the bloggers all climax in a sploodge of information on the same day, giving the the entire cycling world a great big marketing facial.

I feel so dirty, and so should you.

Cynicism aside, I do like the idea behind this stuff.  It seems like nice clothing in which to ride a bike, and the idea is basically that you can ride 200 miles and then go straight to your little cousin's Bar Mitzvah without going home and changing first because it has a collar and it's made out of merino so it won't smell.  (I mean you'll still smell, but the shirt won't).  It's all very 21st century, since if you haven't noticed we're now living in an age of dissolving boundaries and society is moving towards seamlessness and total integration.  Smartphones, connectivity, arriving at the Bar Mizvah, going commando, not changing, whipping that smartphone right out of the pocket of your Giro New Road shants and and transferring some gelt right into the Bar Mitzvah boy's account while he's still belting out the Haftarah...  I'm only half-Jewish and was never Bar Mitzvah-ed.  But that's not the point.  I went to a fuckload of them, and I wore a jacket with shoulder pads.  The point is different wardrobes for different stuff is sooo 20th century.  I can't wait until everybody is wearing all-purpose merino bodysuits everywhere they go.

This is only the beginning.

Oh, also, I have one of the t-shirts.  It looks like this:

It's very nice, but since it's still February I haven't yet worn it to make the biking--though I have been wearing it for running.  Yes, I'm still running semi-regularly.  Just imagine some dork dressed in a hodgepodge of cycling clothes stumbling around the neighborhood in a pair of bright white running shoes, flushed and panting with a bunch of snot running from his nose.  I look like some idiot that just got his bike stolen and failed to catch the thief--and this is before I've even started running.  It's an unmitigated fitness disaster.

Still, I think it's important.  You'll often read bikey types waxing pretentious about how suffering and grinding your way up long climbs builds character and leads to inspiration and self-discovery.  This is a load of crap.  What builds character is looking and feeling like a complete idiot while doing something you don't know how to do, and being mocked for it in the process.  It's not physical effort that builds mental fortitude; rather, it's embarrassment.  After awhile riding a bike simply isn't embarrassing anymore, and that's why I'm running--for that exhilarating moment when the real runners trot by me, giggle, and shake their heads with pity, or when a neighborhood child simply points and laughs.

Speaking of humiliating yourself in the name of athletic endeavor, there's now a comic devoted the exploits of the Cat 3 racer, as I've been informed by its creator:

Though it's sort of hard to get past the fact that no Cat 3 has legs that look like that:

Sure, Cat 3s think they have legs like that, so they shave them and tan them and slather them with unguents, but it's really all for nothing, because after all that their legs just end up looking like a pair of oily kosher franks.

In other product news, after watching someone who didn't know how to use a quick release try to remove his wheel, an engineering visionary has completely re-invented the system and made it far worse in the process--and needless to say he wants your money to fund this fatuous feat of reverse engineering:


Years ago, long-time bicycle enthusiast and three-dimensional mechanical designer, Leonard Ashman, was watching his father-in-law struggle trying to change his rear bike wheel. As Leonard watched, he had a flash of insight that after years of design, prototyping and testing lead to the industry-changing quick-release rear wheel axle design – HubDock.

If people re-invented every simple contraption after watching their inept fathers-in-law try to work them then we'd be living in a gigantic Rube Goldberg machine.  What is wrong with the quick release as we know it?  You flip it open, you pick up the bike, and the wheel falls out.  Maybe you have to nudge the derailleur a bit.  So why is this guy spinning and spinning it like it's a propeller?

Meanwhile, it looks like you have to unscrew the "HubDock," which basically makes it a glorified wingnut (to say nothing of its inventor).  Furthermore, because the cassette stays on the bike, you can't just switch to a different wheel with different gearing.  Still, "tests" reveal it's faster somehow:

Tests to date have shown that a wheel using the Liberty Wheel driven hub can be removed or replaced in as little as five seconds as compared with contemporary systems requiring between fifteen to twenty seconds or more.

Presumably their test subject was the guy in the video who puts his bike in a bizarre doggie-style position and then futzes with the skewer needlessly for half a minute before finally pulling the damn wheel out.

Lastly, a local cyclist appears to have had a thrilling daredevil encounter with a gay Orthodox Jew:

Orange skateboard and a death wish. - w4m (Greenwich Village)

We were side by side riding up Bedford, me on a white bike and with a white helmet, you on an orange skateboard and a rainbow knit beanie. You ducked under the side mirrors of the cars at the intersection of 7th and then sped off. I wanted to scream "Yeah! But be careful!" 

Please don't die, I want to ride with you again.

If you have a better explanation for a rainbow knit beanie then I'd like to hear it.

DO YOU LIVE EACH DAY WITH PURPOSE?

LIVING WITH PURPOSE 

CAN EXTEND YOUR LIFE

www.aarp.org - When you wake up in the morning, do you think to yourself, “I’m so excited, because today I get to… (fill in the blank)? No? I have teenagers, and on occasions I hear the following proclamation, “I’m bored!”  Usually said out loud to the world in general, with only one part (unsaid) that is directed at me: “…and what are you going to do about it?” Boredom, idleness, and lack of motivation can often be linked to a lack of purpose, according to Richard Leider, author of The Power of Purpose. I was struck by series of interviews Richard made of a group 65 and older.  
Each was asked what they would change about their life if they could do it all over again.  The resounding response:  a life with purpose - they wanted their time on this planet to matter, to have made a difference. Robert Byrne once said, “The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” Do you have one?

Living with purpose is more than just mustering motivation to get through daily tasks like grocery shopping, getting your car repaired, or preparing your taxes.  More than getting a manicure or “9 holes in” before noon. Real purpose gives meaning to your life and others. In fact, I believe it is “other” centered:  perhaps a purpose that supports your community or helps improve another person’s life.  Even a small, but deliberate act, can have purpose: * Spending time with an older neighbor - who may be isolated. * Serving meals at a local food bank/kitchen. * Responding to a friend’s personal tragedy. * Volunteering at a community, hospice or senior center. There are so many needs and fewer hands to meet them.  And according to a study conducted by Rush University Medical Center, living with purpose can extend your life.

If you have identified a meaningful purpose - go for it with gusto.  If you don’t, get one. The author of the article, David Whitehead from AARP (A community of people committed to rediscovering their gifts and exploring new possibilities), says that AARP’s new online tool, Life Reimagined can help you discover your unique gifts and explore new possibilities for the road ahead. “The important point is - get started! Strive to live with purpose.  It can help change, sustain and bring joy and happiness to your life - perhaps even while helping others,” he says. Just pursuing selfish ambitions, trying to establish a permanent place for ourselves in this mortal world, is our big mistake. We should live for higher purposes.

WHAT DO THE VEDIC TEACHINGS TELL US? 

In order to comprehend that there is a life, which is indeed fulfilling; a life beyond the heartbreaks of this world, takes positive engagement. It is necessary to be amongst those with a different standard of life - a selfless life, a life that is spiritual by nature rather than a material one. Spiritual life is not fantasy nor theory. Spiritual life is devotional life and is all about practice. ... We are created for a higher purpose. We are aliens to this planet. We are from a different realm, we do not belong here. Our place, our nourishment, is in a different realm. ... The idea is that whatever you do in your day, make sure that your endeavor is to make your guru smile. If you can make your guru smile, your day will be successful. We should approach devotional service in that mood, “What will make my spiritual master smile?”

Śrīpad Bhakti Srirupa Madhava Mahārāja :
"The Ultimate Encouragement"
Sri Narasingha Chaitanya Ashram
Sep 6 2008 - Krishna Talk 81
http://gosai.com/ashrama/swami-bs-madhava
http://gosai.com/writings/the-ultimate-encouragement

Published by dasavatara das - "Vedic Views on World News"
http://www.vedicviews-worldnews.blogspot.com.ar/

The 30th anniversary of the last MASH episode

Today marks the 30th anniversary of the finale of MASH. For many years it was the single highest rated television program in history. Not sure what finally eclipsed it – either a Super Bowl or the CELEBRITY FIT CLUB episode where Chaz Bono lost seven pounds. In any event, it was an event.

Having been a writer on the show for four of its eleven years, here are some random thoughts and

SPIRITUAL OR RELIGIOUS?

FROM RELIGIONS OF EXCLUSION TOWARD
A NEW SPIRITUALITY OF INCLUSION

http://www.huffingtonpost.com - The concept of "being spiritual but not religious" suffers from a lot of confusion. One reason is that spirituality fails to elucidate specific guidelines on how to "do it right." Unlike religion, which often errs on the other side with too many rules, or too rigid of rules, a generalized spirituality offers few or no standards for behavior, or even for thought. Many who have turned to being spiritual but not religious left religion in the first place to escape overly rigid rules, so they like it this way. But having no explicit guidelines at all can leave seekers prey to superficial and spiritually counterfeit ideas. 
You can't expect your life to improve because you suddenly start wearing crystals, for example. This absence of guidelines and structure unfortunately leaves people confused, to the extent there is a "spiritual but not religious" movement. An understanding of the spiritual development stages begins to provide a much needed structure to spirituality.

It can orient people toward an authentic spirituality based on a more solid form of personal responsibility, and a deeper form of interpersonal integrity than even our religions teach. One example of this is the concept of inclusion versus exclusion. At the literal level, our religions teach specific beliefs that differ greatly from one religion to another. Each religion excludes outsiders, and denies their beliefs have any validity. But the spiritual development stages tell us we need to move beyond these literal beliefs to become spiritually mature. 
The process includes a step where a person thinks through what he or she has been taught in an open-ended critical manner. This may lead her to reason herself out of belief in that religion, or at least it will lead her to grasp the same teachings in a less rigid, and hopefully less literal, way.

Unlike the specific religions, which exclude outsiders, this form of spirituality includes everyone and everything. Margaret Placentra Johnston, author of this article, explains that "at the upper spiritual development levels, a person can see that all religious traditions have validity when their teachings are seen as metaphors for more universal truths." Nowadays, many people promote various ‘spiritual’ activities because it is considered that they mean open-mindedness and reject ‘religious’ practices which involve close-mindedness. 

WHAT DO THE VEDIC TEACHINGS TELL US? 

The intention underlying this desire to be ‘spiritual-not-religious’ is laudable, but its application is questionable. Usually the intention is that we should be broad-minded, not narrow-minded. That intention is fine, but is the underlying implication true? Is it true that spirituality makes us broad-minded and religion makes us narrow-minded? ... The Vedic wisdom-tradition points to an intriguing relationship between spirituality and religion. It explains that spirituality is meant to help us develop love for God. This is done through a harmonious combination of philosophy and religion, which constitute the two rails on which spirituality runs. The philosophy aspect of spirituality involves the study and understanding of matter, spirit and the controller of both, God. And the religion aspect involves the following of certain rules and regulations that help us realize and experience higher spiritual truths.

Śrīpad Caitanya Caran das (BE E-TC) :
“The Spiritual Scientist” - Articles
"Isn’t it better to be spiritual instead of being religious?"
Bhaktivedanta Academy for Culture and Education (BACE), Pune
http://thespiritualscientist.com/
http://www.thespiritualscientist.com/2013/02/isn%E2%80%99t-it-better-to-be-spiritual-instead-of-being-religious/

Published by dasavatara das - "Vedic Views on World News"
http://www.vedicviews-worldnews.blogspot.com.ar/

Wednesday.

Hi!  Still on the fence about whether or not to take up the pastime of bicycle cycling?  Considering buying a Segway instead?  Well here are no fewer/less than 30 [thurtee] reasons to help you make up your mind:

I thought all of these were pretty persuasive, but perhaps the most MOVING (get it?!?) is that it will help you make #2 (number two):

4. Boost your bowels

According to experts from Bristol University, the benefits of cycling extend deep into your core. “Physical activity helps decrease the time it takes food to move through the large intestine, limiting the amount of water absorbed back into your body and leaving you with softer stools, which are easier to pass,” explains Harley Street gastroenterologist Dr Ana Raimundo.

In addition, aerobic exercise accelerates your breathing and heart rate, which helps to stimulate the contraction of intestinal muscles. “As well as preventing you from feeling bloated, this helps protect you against bowel cancer,” Dr Raimundo says.

If the Nobel Prize committee is worth a darn they'll recognize Harley Street gastroenterologist Dr. Ana Raimundo for her tireless research, which apparently involved making people ride bikes a bunch and then sit on the toilet.

I'm not sure I agree with the "preventing you from feeling bloated" part though, since apparently Dr. Raimundo has never experienced the stomach-distending effects of consuming Clif Bars and gels.

Here's another great reason to ride the bicycle bikes:

20. Make creative breakthroughs

Writers, musicians, artists, top executives and all kinds of other professionals use exercise to solve mental blocks and make decisions – including Jeremy Paxman, Sir Alan Sugar and Spandau Ballet. A study found that just 25 minutes of aerobic exercise boosts at least one measure of creative thinking. Credit goes to the flow of oxygen to your grey matter when it matters most, sparking your neurons and giving you breathing space away from the muddle and pressures of ‘real life’.

Wow, that's quite a list of creative people they've assembled.  Apparently Jeremy Paxman is "the question master of University Challenge," which is only meaningful to Americans who have that "Young Ones" episode with Motörhead, and which I suppose makes him the British Alex Trebek.  (It's worth noting that Alex Trebek is Canadian, which means there isn't actually an American Alex Trebek, because few if any Americans possess the necessary intellectual gravitas to host a game show that doesn't involve 5th graders or running really fast with shopping carts.  The only reason the United States still allows Canada to exist is that we need a steady supply of smart people.)  As for Sir Alan Sugar, I had to look him up too, and he's basically the London version of your typical ridiculously wealthy self-made Jew, which is old hat if you're a New Yorker.  Most impressive though is Spandau Ballet, and I'm assuming since they're mentioned collectively that the band always rides in toto.  The blistering speed of the Spandau Ballet paceline is legendary, and the "Huh-huh-huh-huuuh-huuuh..." from their international mega-hit "True" was inspired by a sigh emitted at the top of an "epic" climb.

Sadly, the list omits several notable personages who also experienced moments of world-changing inspiration as a direct result of sticking a bicycle in their crotches, including:

Albert Einstein

(Came up with the theory of relativity while trackstanding.)

Albert Hofmann

(Invented LSD, hopped on a bicycle, tripped balls.)

George W. Bush

(Realized after leaving office that he totally would have cleared that 'War on Terror' section on a 29er.)

Sadly, if Albert Einstein were still with us today, everybody would give him a bunch of crap for not wearing a helment, which would have inspired this theorum:

Speaking of lists, in the past week there have been at least two motor vehicle-related incidents in New York City that are so depressing I can't even bring myself to link to them.  The short version is that in one instance someone got killed on the sidewalk by a driver who supposedly passed out due to diabetes, and in another someone got maimed on the sidewalk by a parallel parker who supposedly mistook the gas pedal for the brake.

It should go without saying that both of these are perfectly valid excuses in New York, and the only reason the parallel parker is in any trouble at all is that he proceeded to flee the scene.  (You also don't get in trouble for fleeing the scene in New York, but only if the person you ran down was riding a bike.)  Still, it never hurts to have a few more excuses at the ready, so here's a list fresh new excuses so you can renew your licence to kill:

"I suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder."

Don't worry, it's not necessary to be a war veteran to use this one.  Thanks to the fact that we live in a psychotic country with a crumbling infrastructure pretty much everybody has valid reason to be a post-traumatic stress disorder sufferer.  Show me an American who hasn't been in close proximity to a school shooting, crippling natural disaster, or horrendous auto "accident" in recent months and I'll show you a Dutchman.  And don't be afraid to rule out your own poor decision-making as a reason for your stress!  So you hopped on the LIE during a monster snowstorm and were forced to spend the night in your car?    There's your PTSD!

"I was lulled into a trancelike state by the rhythmic thrumming of my windshield wipers."

Shifting blame onto the auto maker is always a wise move, but what if you don't own a Toyota?  Well, I don't know about you, but I think equipping cars with metronomic windshield wipers is grossly irresponsible, and as far as I know all automakers do it.  There you are waiting at a light, and the next thing you know the back-and-forth, back-and-forth coupled with the grey weather has transported you into a reverie and suddenly there's a cyclist under your front bumper.  This excuse will be valid at least until the automakers start installing new "alert wipers" that sound like an Elvin Jones drum solo.

"Siri is a fucking idiot."

Thanks to draconian laws that prohibit you from using your smartphone while driving, you may find yourself forced to use hands-free technology.  If you have an iPhone this might include using Siri, which will inevitably play out thusly:

You: "Siri, I need directions to Hackensack."

Siri: "You said 'I have a hairy sack.'"

You: "No.  Siri, I need to get to Hackensack."

Siri: "Got it.  Looking up instructions for shaving your sack."

And so on. Not only is this a great excuse for running people over, but you also have grounds for a lucrative suit against Apple--especially if you also emasculate yourself in a tragic shaving accident.

In other news, yesterday I mentioned crabon, and that could be the reason I received this email from some PR firm about a flask for douchebags:

The Macallan, the luxury whisky brand, is launching a limited edition flask as part of a unique design collaboration with Oakley on the 27th February. Made of Carbon Fibre, the Flask is almost indestructible and with only 500 available it is sure to become a collectors item.

Please note all information is under embargo until 00.01am 27th February and the video will not be live in the public domain until 2pm tomorrow. Let me know if you would like any further information or hi-res images.

Yeah, right, "collectors item" my scranus--though this should go great with your Tapout sweatshirt.  It also makes a great groomsman's gift if you're having a Fred wedding, in which case you're also going to want a crabon wedding ring, forwarded by a reader:

When I think of two bike dorks being bound in Fredly matrimony and exchanging crabon fiber rings I actually tear up a bit, but only because it's so depressing.  Hopefully they can keep the passion alive--which, as it happens, is the only thing keeping Italian bike racing going:

Presumably this means the riders are being paid in passion, and Italy should have plenty to go around as long as it is being secreted by the gallon by this man:

Speaking of passion, here's another one of those dirty bike maintenance videos:


BITCHY TUTORIAL VOL.3 "SADDLE UP" from GASH-ROUGE on Vimeo.

Remember to use plenty of lube, or else it can get stuck in there.

Worst new tech invention EVER

In the techno-gadget mad crazy race to keep inventing the next big iThing, Google has come up with the worst idea yet, maybe ever – glasses with an interface right in your line of vision. In the top right corner of your right lens will be a box where you can face chat, get GPS instructions, weather and street information, internet access, and texting.  It's like having the Fox football score

Little Johnny Understands Barack Obama

The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on salesmanship. Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30" she said proudly, "my sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good", said the teacher. 

Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events." "Very good, Debbie", said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467", he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" Toothbrushes", said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes", echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?" "I found the busiest corner in town", said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and I gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog poop!" Then I would say, "It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush? I used the President Obama method of giving you some crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."

Little Johnny got five stars for his assignment. Bless his heart.

Thanks to Facebook friend Jack D. Elliott

Seth MacFarlane won't host next year's Oscars

Seth MacFarlane today tweeted that he has no intention of hosting next year's Oscar ceremony.  This could be because the assignment is so enormous, the criticism was so enormous, or it could be a case of "You can't fire me!  I quit!"  

In any event, it's on to next year.  Scroll down for some host suggestions. 

Rally for Transit (and Cycling) in Surrey - Today at 3:30-5:30

Tuesday - Feb. 26, 20133:30-5:30 PMCommunity GatheringCentral City Plaza(North entrance to SFU campus)Agenda> 3:30 – 4:15 PM – intro. music & speakers> 4:15 – 5:00 PM – march & music > 5:00 – 5:30 PM – music, speakers & windupMore Info?Contact: SurreyCiTI - surreyciti@yahoo.caSpeakers&Live MusicYour opportunity to:  advocate for better public transit push for more affordable public transit 

Becoming one with the bike--and not in a good way.

I owe the world of cycling an apology.

Since starting this blog in 1986, I've mocked cyclists for being total "weenies" when it comes to equipment.  Sure, this conceit became stale almost immediately, but that's not why I'm apologizing.  I'm apologizing because I've recently realized that cyclists hardly register on the vast spectrum of weenie-dom.  What brought me to this realization?  This:

(Steampunk iPod.)

Well not that exactly, but records and the playing of records upon "turning tables."  I am not an audiophile by any means, but I do have a bunch of records, mostly because when I came of music-buying age records were still what people used.  Therefore, I've maintained ownership of a "turning table" over the years so that I can still hear these records, and as much as I appreciate digital entertainment I still think it's fun to listen to music you have to flip over.  Sure, sometimes I flip my phone over out of nostalgia, but it's not the same.

Recently though, I discovered that turning tables and human children are natural enemies, owing to the turning table's delicate parts and the human child's natural instinct to destroy those delicate parts.  Therefore, I was forced to relocate the turning table to higher ground, and to replace the delicate parts--in particular, the pointy one that the turning table drags along the record to make sound.

As I said, I'm not even remotely an audiophile, and my goal was simply to make the turntable work acceptably again for a minimal amount of money.  Nevertheless, this being the Internet age and my being (at least anatomically) a male, I nevertheless found myself reading up on the latest equipment and stuff, and holy crap these people are insane.  You'd need an electron microscope to see the parts they're arguing about, and you'd need hyper-acute cat senses to even begin to discern the difference, if there even is any.  Reading about this stuff makes those chain lube tests seem eminently reasonable.

Fortunately though, years of cycling have trained me to recognize the Red Flags of Weeniedom, and of course the biggest one is the appearance of crabon fribé.  I shouldn't have to tell you this, but if you're researching a piece of equipment and find that any part of it is available in crabon, then for the sake of yourself and your family stop what you're doing immediately.  If someone offers you crack at a party then it's probably time to leave, and if someone offers you crabon anything then do the smart thing and smoke some crack instead.  That's why as soon as I saw that they were making turntable parts out of crabon I filled the tub with ice, got in it, and started slapping myself:

I don't know, maybe this crabon record stuff has been around forever, or maybe it's only happening now because records are cool again like
fixiescyclocross, but either way it was news to me.  I didn't even know that thing was called a "tonearm."  I always just called it the "needle wang."

Anyway, following the "no crabon" rule is guaranteed to save your ass from all forms of weeniedom, including but not limited to wine:

Golf:

Sport motorcycles:

And of course fetish sex:

While being whipped for being naughty, you really need the lateral stiffness and vertical compliance of crabon.

Hey, do whatever you want, but don't say I didn't warn you.  They don't call crabon "Douchebag's Gold" for nothing.

Speaking of crabon, an important hurdle in the eventual selling of disc brakes to roadies may have been cleared, because you can now buy crabon rotors:

I've long felt constrained by the excessive weight of my metal brake rotors, but I'm relatively certain those are just cleverly repurposed pie plates.

In other news, I don't know about you, but when I receive an email from a reader with the subject line "Seat Post in Rectum" I open it immediately:

As cyclists, it's all too easy to get wrapped up in our own weenie-ism (you know, the kind of weeniesm that compels us to point out it was the saddle rail and not the seat post that got lodged in his rectum), so let's all join together and spare a thought for someone way, way, way less fortunate:

By the way, this is obviously a huge marketing coup for Giant:

You really can't buy that kind of publicity--at least not legally.

What you can buy, however, is Bret, whose image is now used on the packaging of rougly 68% of all consumer goods sold in North America.  In fact, he's endorsing so many products that a reader informs me he now competes against himself:

As the reader succinctly puts it:

2 Brets on 2 different packages for similar products on the same shelf at the same store

this is like one of those time travel paradoxes where the time traveling self runs into the current self...

If crabon is the Red Flag of Weeniedom, then Bret is the Good Housekeeping Seal of Extraordinary Cheapness.

Lastly, learning how to ride a bicycle in New York City is "liberating"--and not in the "liberate me from my bicycle with the Jaws of Life" sense:

Too bad they're totally going to liberate us from the bike lanes.

Final thoughts on the 2013 Oscars

Thanks to everyone for your comments on my Oscar review. A few thoughts, clarifications, rebuttals, concessions, and miscellaneous crap.

First off, it’s great to hear from you even if you disagree with me (as long as you leave a name. There were a few anonymous comments that were just so stupid I assume the authors didn’t know their names.) Some were angry that I didn’t share their

The City Kidnapped Gretchen!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well... it was bound to happen but somebody finally stole Gretchen. And no... it wasn't some asshat looking to take her on a joy ride... or some crackhead, who usually don't have the qualities needed for stealing a vehicle... or an international spy needing to commandeer it for a fantastic getaway chase or anything... but rather some knob-gobbling asshat in a trucker hat and probably unemployable by any other standards, who was hired by the city of San Francisco to go kidnap cars and hold them for ransom... or more commonly known as a tow truck driver. Why was it stolen? Allegedly it was blocking a driveway (it wasn't) but I have no proof... and the tow company by law doesn't give refunds... and God knows the City of San Francisco isn't just going to say "Here... take your $501 ransom back... our bad... oh, you got a $98 ticket with it too? Well schucks, we'll just wave that off too. Kazaam!!!" So in short, f**k the city of San Francisco... and I refuse to break for Meter Maids from now on... or tow truck drivers... if they're in the street, in my lane, they're fair game. Watch yo back, b**ches!!!

Anyway, other than that, one good thing did come out of Wednesday night when it happened. I got to have a meal with Bubbles to catch up & thank her for covering for me while I was out of town. We had dinner at Gracias Madre in the Mission... and it's a Vegan restaurant... but surprisingly good. I highly recommend it if you're into that whole vegan thing.

The New Orleans pictures are now loaded on my computer... but there's a lot to cyphen through... so instead I'm going to blab about a few movies I saw over the weekend... and show you some pictures from the Chinese New Year Parade on Saturday. Here's the latter:

Starting off this week's movie capades... is "Jack the Giant Slayer" starring Nicholas Hoult as Jack and the likes of Ewan McGregor, Ian McShane & Stanley Tucci along with the voice talents of many Englishmen... and from the director of "The Usual Suspects" & the original X-Men Trilogy. Basically it's the retelling of Jack & the Beanstalk... but with CGI, a little more character development, a love story & all the usual stuff that you would expect in a big budget movie... and it's actually done pretty well. Sure, it's a little predictable but it's what you expect... and even funny at times. There are some major loopholes in the story & execution of it (WHAT? In a fairy tale movie?) primarily with regards to the giants... but hey, it's a kids flick for all ages. I highly recommend it.

Next up was "Looper" starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt & Bruce Willis. The key to really enjoying this movie... is just to accept that the only application for time travel in the future is for the Mafia to send people back in time to get whacked. Apparently the future doesn't have the Nevada desert or something. There's a mafia mutt / drug addict (Levitt) who executes the people sent back through time to him... until one day, they send back him thirty years in the future (Willis). Well, apparently he gets craftier in 30 years & escapes... and hyjinx ensue as now the mafia is after both of them... and you throw in some telekinetic powers... and it's actually a pretty good movie despite trying to tell you the plot. Again, take it with a little bit of disbelief. It's kind of like Terminator if instead of a robot being sent back to kill an unborn child... it's some guy getting sent back through time to get whack himself. Wait... that doesn't sound good at all. Just go ahead & check it out if you want. You don't care about loopholes in the story. Bruce Willis is in it. Sold.





Next is "Beasts of the Southern Wild" which is a story about a little girl in southern Louisiana (Bayou country) during Hurricane Katrina and just living in that environment. It was very imaginative & enjoyable... and being a fan of Louisiana (and nearly going out to that area during my latest visit), you have to respect those crazy rednecks who live in that kind of environment living off the land... or the water more appropriately. You want to check this movie out. I know it gets all the Oscar buzz & all that... but yeah, it's actually pretty cool... and it's only 90 minutes.

Next up was a find on Netflix called "FDR: American Badass" starring Barry Bostwick. It's a straight to DVD comedy about FDR (Bostwick) and his being stricken with polio by a werewolf bite (true story) and how he became the president of the United States shortly after... and defeated the Nazi werewolf axis of evil (unconfirmed). The movie is actually pretty funny in a sophemoric way (allegedly there are other ways) but yeah, it's not going to win any awards... the humor is crass at times... but then again, I'm kind of a fan of that. Fun fact: Kevin Sorbo ("Hercules") is in it!!! See if you can find where he shows up.

Lastly is "Centurion" starring Michael Fassbender, Dominic West & Olga Kurylenko. Set in 2nd century Britain/Scotland, it's the story of a man (Fassbender) whose the lone survivor of a Roman legion that is basically destroyed by an army of Pilts (Scots of the day). He escapes & meets up with another army, they're devastated, and the few survivors basically spend the rest of the movie trying to get back to their people & avoid the Pilts, led by a vengeful leader and an expert tracker (Kurylenko). If you liked movies such as "Pathfinder" or "King Arthur" or "Braveheart" fight scenes, I think you'll really enjoy this flick. It's from the director of "The Descent" so that's a hint that it gets pretty bloody & is beautifully shot... so enjoy if that's your thing.

Anyway, that'll do it for tonight. Hope you enjoyed & I'll get the New Orleans pics up asap. Have a great day everybody!!!