Self Gratifying Sniff

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

It’s been a busy little time… but pretty good. Last weekend was mostly chilling at Dizzy’s house while she did final projects for her classes… and we also went up to Sacramento for a few hours Saturday night for a karaoke jam with her friend Lawyer at Hamburger Patty's. We also met up with one of her best friends & her husband for some Mexican food beforehand. Good times.

 

Wednesday night, Batgirl, Pixie & I went to a special free advance screening of “Star Trek Into Darkness” starring Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto & others. Now… just to point this out… Batgirl & Pixie are Trekkies… Batgirl almost to a borderline obsessive point… so my cool points went through the roof when A) I got tickets to a pre-screening of a movie she’s been waiting for years on and B) It was free… and in 3D. Anyway, the story is a while after the original reboot (some of these terms I have to use are just weird). Captain Kirk (Pine) is in some hot water because he broke some protocols & didn’t give a damn ala Maverick in Top Gun… but then there’s a terrorist act… sorry, explosion in London & a new threat has emerged. One of the starfleets other young guns has gone rogue… but not everything is making sense. Spoiler alert: He’s KAAAAAAAAHHHHHHN!!! I assume that’s the worst kept secret in Christendom. Regardless, the movie was actually pretty fantastic in my opinion. I’ve mentioned before that I was really impressed with the original reboot & this one didn’t disappoint. Sure, there are a few points in it that are really cheesy throwbacks to the original series & movies but overall… I REALLY enjoyed it. The guy who played Kahn (Benedict Cumberbatch) pretty much stole the show in my opinion, with his performance switching from a sort of controlled chaos to manipulative mastermind very fluidly. Big ups to him… and the other weren’t without their charms either but yeah, check it out. It’s a good sci-fi movie.

 

Now for a bad sci-fi movie… Thursday night, Dizzy & I watched “Galaxina” starring Dorothy Stratten. You may be asking, WHY? You know it’s a horrible movie when it’s sci-fi, early 80’s & starring a former playmate of the year, right? Correct… but still… I had to see HOW horrible… and it was… and not even in the good way really. Also, I had heard a story about the director Peter Bogdanovich & the lead actress having a relationship… then she died suddenly (overdose)… and the director finds comfort in her younger sister… like 14 years old younger sister… they’re married when she’s 18 (and he’s 40-something). Why would that make me want to watch a movie? I honestly don’t know… but fun fact I guess. Anyway, the story is about a ship in deep space with a ragtag crew… and a robot onboard called Galaxina (Stratten). Well, the crew is motley indeed… and it’s good to know that in the year 3008 that space travel is pretty mundane & people still wear cowboy hats & LA Dodgers shirts. Basically, during a 27 year cryo-mission, Galaxina learns to act like a real woman & falls in love with one of the crew members and… you know, it’s just horrible. The special effects are laughable, even by 80’s standards. Acting was non-existent really. There were a few scenes that were repeated, and it was stuff like her sitting in a glowing chair, which felt like they only had 15 minutes of footage that they tried to stretch into a full length movie. I couldn’t tell if it was trying to be serious or a comedy… and the occasional obvious jokes were just… not the least bit funny. More sad than anything. At least with a movie like Troll 2 you can kind of piece together a few laughs on how bad some of the stuff is but… this was just too slow pointless to even do that. Check it out if you’d like but… I wouldn’t even recommend it as a gaff.

 

Now for some news, which I haven’t really mentioned recently… but you’ll probably figure out why. Keep in mind… I’m actually in a fabulous mood…

 

Columbia Scholarship Controversy – Six days before her death in 1920, a wealthy Iowa divorcee living in a Manhattan hotel made a gift of half a million dollars to Columbia University. For reasons lost to history, the gift had strings attached, and now, more than 90 years later, one of those strings is bringing controversy to the Ivy League school. Lydia C. (Roberts) Chamberlain, a Jefferson, Iowa, native and owner of the turn-of-the-century Chamberlain Hotel that once existed in downtown Des Moines, established a fellowship for graduate students born in Iowa to attend Columbia. One catch: The students had to be white. (GASP!!!) Now, Columbia is seeking to change the terms of the Lydia C. Roberts Graduate Fellowship, which has stipulated that money be given only to "a person of the Caucasian race." Chamberlain left Columbia most of her $509,000 estate, but left a long list of restrictions for becoming Roberts fellows. Others: They must have graduated from an Iowa college or university, must not study law or several other fields, and must return to Iowa for two years after graduating. University officials filed court papers last week in support of earlier action by the estate's trustee, JPMorgan Chase, to change the provisions of the bequest that violate federal anti-discrimination laws. In addition to the race rule, Columbia seeks to modify the requirement that students be born in Iowa, and instead allow them to be residents. The university "may not discriminate based upon national origin," according to the affidavit.

 

Columbia released a statement Wednesday saying that it is "as offended as anyone by the requirements of these fellowships." "The fact is Columbia long ago ceased awarding the fellowships in question and does not follow gift conditions that violate anti-discrimination laws," the statement read. While many schools offer scholarships targeted toward racial minorities, the purpose of the award determines whether a scholarship discriminates. "There's a difference between considering race as a factor in giving a scholarship where you're trying to cultivate diversity, versus a scholarship where the intent is to exclude people based upon perceived inferiority of their race," said Angela Onwuachi-Willig, a law professor at the University of Iowa. Whoa whoa whoa… First off, you lost me a long time ago because that’s EXACTLY why there are minority scholarships… do discriminate against white applicants who allegedly have it better off. There’s no middle class now… we’re all broke… and college is ridiculously f**king expensive so that even the rich have to take loans to afford… so suck a bag of dicks on that argument that it’s racist… because they’re all racist… and who the f**k said anything about race inferiority? Nobody. Please, continue…

 

The intent behind Lydia Chamberlain's donation is unknown. "It could be the donor put 'white' in there because at the time most students at Columbia University were white," Onwuachi-Willig said. "But it also could mean that it was a direct intent to discriminate against students of color. I think that the university would have a right to contest the continued use of the fund under those restrictions." Universities, in general, must adhere to restrictions on gifts as long as they are legal, said Tiffani Shaw, University of Iowa Foundation chief operating officer. Shaw said she's not aware of any instance in which the University of Iowa received a donation with illegal restrictions, even though the majority of gifts have conditions in place. "We are happy to adhere to those intentions as long as they are lawful," she said. Whatever, here’s the best part I think…

 

The New York Daily News reported that Columbia hasn't awarded the fellowship since 1997. But a Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism scholarships and fellowships bulletin from 2006 lists the fellowship — without mention of a race restriction. Two recipients of the award told The Des Moines Register they had been unaware of the rule. "I didn't know race was part of the requirement," Timothy Polashek, a music professor at Transylvania University in Kentucky and a 1997 recipient of the Roberts fellowship, wrote in an email. Doug Gross, an attorney & 2002 Republican nominee for governor in Des Moines, received the fellowship for study at Columbia's School of International Affairs in 1977. "It was a great thing for me. There was no way I could have afforded it without that. I had no idea they had those limitations," he said. "I did know you had to be from Iowa. I thought that was weird." Did you catch it? The scholarship hasn’t even been awarded in 16 years… they were given this money for a scholarship… and the university didn’t award it to anybody, they’ve just pocketed it. Granted, when Ms. Chamberlain donated her money, a semester of tuition was $180 whereas now it’s over $45,000 for Columbia. That’s 250 times as much… that’s like a cup of coffee going from a nickel to $12.50 and let’s face it, the coffee now is better than the coffee was in 1920. Is the education better? Would you say 250 times better? Look, college is a f**king rip-off & all they do is screw everybody involved in the process. I went for a number of years… and that’s all I took away from the institution of it. Did I learn a few things? Of course… because I had initiative. Did I lose a shit ton of money for a piece of paper that’s been sitting in my mom’s basement for seven years & nobody has asked to see it? Yup. So let’s not get hung up on the possible racial implications of a scholarship that hasn’t been awarded this millennium, because it’s been established that they’re all pretty f**king racist. Let’s get on the point that all colleges do is make money… and occasionally teach once in a while… but not really. Anything you can learn at college you can learn somewhere else. I don’t have the figures in front of me but I believe there’s a study out there that shows that colleges have produced more drug addicted former students than graduates. Is it a direct correlation? Of course not… but yeah, nobody cares about the problems in the school system… what with all of this “racism” running rampant. Ninja please…

 

Cookie Jar Lotto - A man facing foreclosure on his Geneva, Illinois house found a solution to his problem in the unlikeliest of places—the cookie jar. Richard Cerezo was going through his old lottery tickets, which he kept in a cookie jar and took them to the 7-Eleven to see if he had any winners. For one of them, it turned out, he needed to file a claim, which meant the ticket was worth at least $600. Excited, he returned home and checked the numbers on his computer. From the Chicago Tribune: “As each number kept matching, the smile kept going higher and higher. And when I realized we had all six numbers, it was that shocking moment of, ‘Whoa, can this really be?’” he said in a news conference on Wednesday. “Fast forward to the next day, Monday: Called in sick ... went down into Chicago. It’s one of feelings where it’s okay if they fire me.” Cerezo spoke to lottery officials, who told him the ticket was worth $4.85 million. Cerezo told reporters that he purchased the ticket in February, which meant he'd been sitting on the fortune for months without realizing it. “It couldn’t have happened at a better time," Cerezo said, according to the paper. "I just thought, this is how God works." Cerezo said he plans to use part of the winnings to pay off his home. So… did he keep his job? Come on Chicago Tribune! Why tell a story about a man getting a seven digit lottery without the story of how he walked into his boss’ office & pinched a Cleveland Steamer right on his annual review, which was negatively impacted by his use of sick leave on Monday? Oh & believe me… it happened. How dare you use your benefits to an even mild extent? Followed by biased discipline. Don’t hate… I’m only being real. What would you do if you had some FU Money? You know… I’m thinking about making a scholarship in my name… to give back to the community. I’ll call it… the Dr. Mookie Tockenbaut Love Scholarship for the Advancement of Big-Tittied Gingers… with a few stipulations of course. Nothing racist… just that they have to have natural red hair & freckles… oh & at least 36C cups… that might be a tricky one to comply with given the other stipulations. Congrats on the winning, Mr. Cerezo!!! Enjoy all the new family members…

 

Robin Hood Sued - The city of Keene, New Hampshire, is suing a group of do-gooders for allegedly topping off parking meters of strangers. The group, which calls itself "Robin Hood and his Merry Men," likes to leave notes on the windshields of cars that are in danger of getting a ticket due to an expired meter, according to the Union Leader. A note reads, "Your meter expired; however, we saved you from the king’s tariffs, Robin Hood and his Merry Men. Please consider paying it forward.” The note then lists an address where people can send donations if they wish. According to the Union Leader, the city claims Robin Hood and his Merry Men have "intentionally taunted, interfered with, harassed and intimidated" the city's three parking enforcement officers. By the way, I’m totally picturing these guys in green tights & making mocking gestures to meter maidens. “Look John, that bonny lass from the Tool Box years ago actually WAS saving her penance for her education at university… and look at her now. AHAHAHAHAHA!!!” The suit also alleges that the group follows the parking enforcement officers around the city and uses video and radio equipment to coordinate their efforts. All told, six citizens are named in the city's lawsuit. One of the defendants, James Cleaveland, spoke to the Union Leader about it. "They say video recording or talking to them is harassing them, but I don't agree with that," he said. "So they want to establish a safety zone of fifty feet." The lawsuit, according to the Union Leader, lists a bit of trash-talking on the part of the Robin Hooders. In the filing, parking enforcement officer Linda Desruisseaux said, "Besides following me, crowding around me, making video recordings of my activities, and placing coins in expired meters to prevent me from writing tickets, these individuals repeatedly taunt and harass me, asking why I am stealing peoples' money and telling me to get another job ... In particular, Graham Colson likes to taunt me by saying, 'Linda, guess what you're not going to do today - write tickets.' Really? That’s what’s considered trash-talking in New Hampshire. F**king p**sies…

 

Anyway, the taunting and harassment allegedly tends to get worse when there is a group, as they try to one-up each other at my expense (gasp!!!). Another parking enforcement officer claims that he suffers from heart palpitations, stress and anxiety, and "dreams related to this activity." The city is concerned that the parking enforcement officers will quit (gasp!!!). That would cause a financial hardship, because the city would have to hire and train new officers, the suit claims. Members of the group were issued the lawsuit last week and have 30 days to respond. My response: B**ch please… with all due respect, which is very sparse, go f**k yourself! I have no sympathy for meter maids… kind of like I have no sympathy for rapists, murderers or the SS. Trying to sue some people who found a loophole in your f**king rape via government game on the grounds of they spoke in the attendants general direction in a gently mocking tone… that’s just f**king ridiculous. Two words: F**k you… I mean… Free speech. “Ah, it’s assault because I had a dream that they were there… just looking at me & I think they said something about a duck.” B**ch you crazy!!! Case dismissed… don’t like it? Get a real job…

 

Sorry for the Adam Carolla-esque rant today about the news… I’m even in a really good mood!!! They’re just so f**king stupid… and it’s all that’s reported on because there’s no real issues that can be talked about & even less that can actually be handled short of full-on revolution… but mostly it’s just the government screwing over everybody as the world’s largest organized crime syndicate… except they decide what’s a crime so they have a loophole… but hey, that’s America & the rest of the world.

 

This weekend should be a lot of fun with the ladyfriend Dizzy… as we’re going to San Jose for the BIG WOW Comic Convention. It’s been a while since I’ve been to one of these things… so it should be fun. I heard that THE Stan Lee will be there, but we’ll probably miss him. Still, great research for our budding comics career. Then in just over a week, Jackie D makes her triumphant return to the Bay Area… even if only for a week. It’s gonna be hella fun!!! Have a great weekend everybody!!!