BSNY Friday Fun I'm In Such A Hurry I Don't Even Have Time To Type The Word "Quiz!"

Whelp, the Vueling of España starts tomorrow, which means two things:

1) Alberto Contador is officially back from the world's shortest two-year suspension;

and

B) Freds everywhere are beginning to prepare for cyclocross season.

Cyclocross varies from region to region, but if you want to try it New York City Fred style here's how:

--Order 19 skinsuits
--Have your coach provide you with a custom-tailored bespoke cyclocross-specific training program
--Get your crabon race bike and your crabon pit bike professionally tuned up, even though you barely touched them last season, and also have the mechanic re-glue the six pairs of tubular race wheels you never used
--Attend a cyclocross clinic at which you determine you now need disc brakes in order to be competitive
--Upgrade or replace bike fleet accordingly (and don't forget that Powertap disc hub!)
--Go to one (1) race, in which you get lapped because "your disc brakes were rubbing"
--Return bikes to co-op bike room and congratulate yourself on yet another successful cyclocross campaign.

As you can see from the above, I've got my work cut out for me, which is why without further a-duh I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll know it, and if you're wrong you'll see some sound advice.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and as a wise Fred once said: If you can't open your legs just open your wallet.


--Wildcat Rock Machine

1) Due to the worsening economic crisis in Spain coupled with a lack of general interest, the duration of the Vuelta a España has been reduced to two weeks.

--True
--False

(Humanoid gastropods Robs Fords, removed from their Escalade shell.)

2) Toronto mayors Robs Fords were recently caught _______ while driving.

--Texting

--Eating

--Reading

--Wanking

(Quantifying smugness.)

3) The bike counter on Portland's Hawthorne Bridge has proven so popular that plans are now in the works for a cargo bike weigh station.

--True

--False

(In situations of extreme danger, vegans have been known to lift entire one pound bags of bulgur wheat to collarbone level.)

4) The ultimate display of vegan strength is:

--Tearing a phone book in half

--Defeating a carnivore in an arm-wrestling match

--Breaking a bamboo bicycle frame

--Clubbing a baby seal to death

(Neve)

5) Névé (pronounced ney-vey) is:

--"A revolutionary ice company that will transform the way the consumer views and enjoys ice"

--"A bold new skin moisturizer formulated specifically for cyclists"

--"An environmentally sustainable lubricant that works just as well on your chain as it does in your chamois"

--The new electronic shifting group from Microshift

(That ain't goin' nowhere.)

6) The Best Made Co. "Stow-Away" smuggler's suppository is knurled so it won't eject while you're fleeing from a bear.

--True

--False

(Safety first.)

7) Confuse your fellow road users with:

--An LED belt

--A helmet-mounted siren

--A spiraling brake light

--A fiber optic chicken suit

***Special Transit-Themed Bonus Question***

(Rain bike.)

If it rains take the:

--Bus

--Subway

--Monorail

--Pneumatic tube

(via a reader)