BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz! In Your Face!!!

This coming weekend is a significant one for many different types of peopleways.  Christians (assuming they took the Western side during the Great Schism) will observe Easter.  Jewishes will observe Passover, or "Pay Sock."  Devout Lobsterites will observe Sleeping In and Then Drinking Coffee Until They're Sufficiently Caffeinated to Go Get Bagels.  And bike dorks of all stripes (wearers of unearned World Champion ones included) will observe the Watching of the Paris-Roubaix.

It is also an auspicious time for cyclists in New York City, because apparently the NYPD is finally going to start treating us equally:

Though this just means they're now going to fill out actual accident reports when we collide with pedestrians:

“This reporting process will allow the department to track bicycle accidents like typical car accidents,’’ said Inspector Kim Royster, an NYPD spokeswoman.

Given that the NYPD allows drivers to run down pedestrians with impunity, I take this to mean that cyclists will now be free to do the same, and that the following excuses for running into people on your bike will now be sufficient for complete exoneration:

--"I didn't see him."

--"He came out of nowhere."

--"I was overwhelmed by my Serotta's new bike smell."

Don't get too excited about your new powers, though, since of course drivers are still allowed to hit cyclists.  If you find all this confusing and you'd like to know exactly where you currently stand in New York City as a driver, cyclist, or pedestrian, the NYPD has issued this handy diagram to show you how it all breaks down:

The drivers are the ghosts.  They get to move erratically and change direction at will, and nobody can hurt them.  Cyclists have now been promoted to Pac-Man status, which means they can plow through pedestrians too but are still at the mercy of the drivers.  As for pedestrians, they're merely the little "pac-dots."  Oh, and there's also a "power pellet" that grants cyclists temporary top-tier status, and it's called the "Five Boro Bike Tour:"

However, like a "power pellet," it only lasts for a short amount of time, and as soon as they reopen the route to motor vehicle traffic the cyclists become fair game again and the cars resume their relentless pursuit.

Speaking of treating bikes like cars, Paul Budnitz continues his quest to transform bicycles into overpriced machines sold to clueless people who have no idea how they work, and he's now unveiled two new models that are ever so slightly different from the original ones:

In so doing, Budnitz has also displayed his economic prowess:


"The idea here is an utterly beautiful bicycle for daily use, that’s super functional, fun to ride, and there’s an environmental component to the whole thing — I believe that if you make things really great, that last a really, really, really long time; it’s better to buy one bike for $3,000 than buying six bikes for $500 over the same period of time.”

I realize he's trying to make a statement about quality here, but in this particular instance it doesn't really ring true, since a $500 bike will probably last just as long as a $3,000 Budnitz.  So if the argument is an economic one, isn't it better to buy one bike for $500 instead of a $3,000 Budnitz?  Where is he getting the whole six bikes thing anyway?  Plus, if you do buy six $500 bikes you could get a bunch of different kinds for different types of riding, whereas if you buy one Budnitz all you have is a single bike that's poorly suited to pretty much everything.  It's like saying instead of buying a smartphone, a computer, and a tablet, you should just get a really elegant looking device that costs more than all of them put together but only has a single function, which is to give you directions to the nearest artisanal mayo shop.

Of course, you could always deliver mail on your Budnitz to offset the cost, and a reader informs me that a man in England is doing just that on his pennyfarthing:

Only I was disgusted to learn that his so-called "pennyfarthing" is actually a unicycle conversion:

Mr Eccles said his bike was not a true penny-farthing and had been adapted from a unicycle.

For shame, Mr. Eccles.  For shame.

Now, I'd like to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see Keanu Reeves in a hairnet.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and ride happy.


--Wildcat Rock Machine

1) The Great Trek Bicycle Making Company's latest shock absorbing frame technology is called:

--"LongBow Flex"

--"IsoSpeed"

--"Zertz"

--"Sav-A-Taint"

(In the cycling industry, this is what they mean by "engineering.")

2) Specialized's latest shock absorbing frame technology is called:

--"Zertz"

--"IsaFlex"

--"COBL GOBL-R'"

--"MONO-COQ GOBL-R'"

3) Rivendell's latest shock absorbing frame technology is called:

--"The Grant-O-Tron 2000 Electronic De-Bumpination System"

---"Finding a smoother road."

--"Walking."

--"Fat tires, a Brooks, and your ass."

(200,000 years ago, "Eddy" became the first biped to win the Tour de Pangaea.)

4) Homo Velocipedus, pictured above, is the common ancestor of all modern-day Freds.

--True

--False

5) What is this?

--Sexy panties

--A Vogmask™fashionable filtering face mask

--Half a bra

--Rapha's new Roubaix athletic support, designed to cradle and stabilize your "cobbles" when you ride on the cobbles

6) Why is she nonplussed?

--Because her idiot boyfriend uses a filthy chain instead of a tidy crabon belt drive

--Because at 28 years of age her boyfriend is still unable to grow a full, luxurious, Tom Selleck-caliber mustache

--Because her boyfriend got tubular glue all over the house and now her hands are stuck to her hips

--Because she just caught her boyfriend "embrocating" himself in the garage

7) This is somehow meant to promote:

--The Giro d'Italia

--Keirin racing in Japan

--The Gates crabon belt drive

--The Vogmask™fashionable filtering face mask

***Special Retro-Themed Bonus Question***

(Stilt Fred crashes the Tweed Ride.)

The hottest "retro" bike now is the:

--Pennyfarthing

--Boneshaker

--Dandy horse

--Vintage tricycle