BSNYC Friday Funning Exam!

You may recall that awhile back Yaywho? mistakenly identified Tour de France gold medalist and Olympic yellow jersey winner Bradley Wiggins as "Stanley:"

Well, a reader informs me that they've finally realized their mistake and begun to refer to him as "Adrian" instead:

Better late than never.

Speaking of Bradley or Stanley or Adrian or whatever his name is this week, his recent helment-related comments caused quite a stir as helment-related comments invariably do, though a Tweeterer tells me that Wiggins's teammate Mark Cavendish has a somewhat more articulate stance on cyclist safety:

I recommend reading it since Cavendish makes some very good points.  Also, his girlfriend has large breasts, which lends additional gravitas to his words:

(Peta Todd solemnly contemplates the plight of the Native Americans for your wanking pleasure.)

Speaking of making the biking, yesterday I was making the biking and was pleased to see the Department of Transportation hard at work in the summer heat enhancing the bike lanes:

About fifteen minutes later however my pleasure gave way to dismay when I encountered a minivan salmoning in the bike lane along the Great Hipster Silk Route:

If you're unfamiliar with this street because either you're not a hipster or you don't occasionally have to conduct hipster business, here's the layout:

The driver's maneuver was egregious enough that I was compelled to "Tweet" about it, which elicited the following reaction from one Twittererer:

No, actually I didn't make any assumptions or stereotypes, because that's exactly what he was:

(If you've got a better name than "Hasidic Minivan Bike Lane Salmon" for a Hasidic man driving a minivan the wrong way down a one-way street in the bike lane I'd like to hear it.)

No, if I wanted to generalize I'd have said something about how the Hasidim are just like every other religious group, in that they rigorously adhere to a bunch of nonsensical laws that are relevant only to their small community, yet the're perfectly happy to disregard the actual laws that are there to keep us all alive.  Therefore, the rest of us have to look out for them while they careen heedlessly around town with their heads up their own asses.

But I didn't, for the simple reason that Twitter doesn't let you use that many characters.

In any case, things didn't get any better in Manhattan, where saw this:

Which compelled me to Tweet again:

Good advice I suppose, but it would also be nice if drivers assumed there might be people in their blind spots.  Plus, it doesn't help when a driver speeds up from behind you and then turns in front of you in order to beat you through an intersection, which happens pretty often.  In any case, after making sure there was nothing I could do to help, I left satisfied in the knowledge that the police would soon arrive at the scene, remove the ticket from the truck's windshield, and reassign it to the cyclist:

Meanwhile, in Montreal, a reader tells me that an SUV driver was apparently desperate to get the last word in an altercation with a cyclist:

Fortunately there were witnesses:

"We make bicycle paths for cyclists," said a witness who didn't want to be named. "Why was he in the road?"

I realize they speak French up there, but in English a "witness" is someone who sees something, whereas a person who just says dumb shit is called an "idiot."

And on that happy note, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  All assways, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right then YAAAY!!!, and if you're wrong then BOOO!!!--and also, you'll see Czech people making assumptions and stereotypes.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and remember: when you assume, uh, something to do with ass.


--Biopace Rock Machine

(Where's his helment?!?)

1) An overzealous fan has stolen Bradley Wiggins's:

--Cycling shorts
--Underpants
--Gold medal
--Sideburns

2) Levi Leipheimer is the face of:

--Animal birth control
--Feline AIDS awereness
--National Snuggle-With-Pets Month
--Ambien

(His velodrome is a circus tent.)

3) Mountain unicycling is called:

--"Muni"
--"All-terrain unicycling (ATU)"
--"Attention-whoring"
--"Humpin' the pizza cutter"

(Back when album art actually meant something.)

4) According to "uglification" proponents, securing your bike against theft is similar to making chocolate milk.

--True
--False

5) What is this man doing?

--Piloting a velomobile
--Utilizing a sensory deprivation chamber
--Riding a fully-faired unicycle
--Sitting in the Wank-O-Mat 2000 and viewing images of Peta Todd

(Not in my backyard.)

6) People in Brooklyn Heights don't want a velodrome because:

--Not enough people will come to use it
--Too many people will come to use it
--Both of the reasons above
--Neither of the reasons above

7) The figure on the roof is actually a member of the New Zealand swim team warming up for the 500-meter freestyle.

--True
--False

***Special Social Panhandling-Themed Bonus Question***

Someone wants $2,000 to:

--Start a doping program
--Build a wind tunnel at home
--Get offroad unicycling into the Olympics
--Visit the guy who used to own his bike