I can certainly understand their concern, though upon closer inspection it turns out that these humble, simple-minded folk are mostly just confused victims of "hipster hysteria:"
“This idea of bringing a young crowd from Williamsburg and Park Slope, it’s unacceptable,” said Elizabeth Pabian, whose backyard borders the Fifth Avenue space between 92nd and 93rd streets where skinny-jean-and-flannel-clad customers will soon sip craft beers from the Midwest. “My whole life will change.”
Firstly, no self-respecting hipster would travel all the way from Williamsburg to Bay Ridge to drink beer. That's like owning a custom bicycle but traveling all the way across town to borrow your friend's Magna. Secondly, even if they did, they wouldn't "sip craft beers from the Midwest." They'd be Midwesterners sipping craft beers, since that's where most people in the trendy parts of Brooklyn come from now. By the way, here's a photo of the Pabian family:
Fear garden: The Pabian family is petitioning to stop the planned and so-called “hipster beer garden,” The Lockyard, from coming to Bay Ridge — worried that patrons from Northern Brooklyn will bring a tidal wave of noise and property damage.
The Pabians should get their own house in order first, because their son is obviously a closeted hipster. They needn't worry about any "property damage" though. Hipsters are typically too frail to break anything, which is why they're the only cyclists in the world still able to ride Spinergys:
(It's like riding on eggshells.)
Of course, the owner of the bar is equally to blame, since everyone knows you never tell anybody you're opening a "hipster bar." You're supposed to lull the community into a false sense of security by telling them you're opening a sports bar where Thursday will be "homophobia night." That way, by the time you open and the neighbors see the "bike pile" out front, it will be too late for them to do anything. Now that's a cunning scheme--almost as cunning as a newspaper taking a boring story about some people in a boring neighborhood who are understandably worried about noise in their neighborhood and trolling for clicks by gratuitously inserting the word "hipster" into every paragraph.
Honestly, I'd expect better from a paper owned by Rupert Murdoch.
Meanwhile, in bike racing news, the Tour of the Battenkill is replacing its pro race with a Gran Fondo:
In November Drake said that things were tough for American races. “The situation right now is impossible. I have had sponsors tell me flat out that we are not going to do any sponsorship in cycling, at least for the foreseeable future. Continental teams in the US have had similar discussions with their own sponsors too; its very hard.”
Which is why Freds are the new pros:
“We needed to make room for the Gran Fondo event which is in pretty high demand,” he told VeloNation today. “There are also fewer and fewer good reasons to be involved in professional cycling these days so it had to go, unfortunately. Many of our sponsors are much more interested interest in Gran Fondo style events and we hope to expand on this format going forward while keeping the traditional age group and category races that are very popular as well.”
Sure, Freds dope just as much as the pros do, but at least they pay for stuff themselves.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll emit a shrill giggle, and if you're wrong you'll see flatulence.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and ride flatulent.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) Which band filmed a video in Portland featuring scores of naked white people and a hairy vagina ball?
--The Flaming Lips
--Grizzly Bear
--The Grizzly Lips
--Slayer
(Like "Frenzy," only smellier.)
2) A Portland man allegedly attempted to strangle his girlfriend with his:
--Dreadlocks
--Penis
--Wallet chain
--Noxiously smug aura of self-satisfaction
(Since filming "Premium Rush," Gordon-Levitt has continued to ride fixed-gear and singlespeed bicycles.)
3) Joseph Gordon-Levitt garnered a top 20 finish in the singlespeed race at the Cyclocross National Championships in Madison, Wisconsin.
--True
--False
(A scene from the movie "I Am Not A Hipster" where you can see a butt.)
--"A stunningly assured debut feature. Think 'Five Easy Pieces' with indie-rock instead of piano."
--"'The Graduate' for millennials."
--"A stunningly assured debut feature. Think 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind' with hipsters instead of aliens."
--"The most unfortunate film since Ang Lee and Spike Lee collaborated on the universally panned 'Mo' Better Brokeback.'"
5) The New York City Department of Transportation will transform 12,000 obsolete parking meters into:
--Bike racks
--Bike share docking stations
--Electric car charging stations
--Canoe mooring stations in anticipation of rising sea levels caused by climate change
(Sometimes a little reading material can help get things moving.)
6) The New York Times recently reported that three out of five New Yorkers admit to relieving themselves inside a phone booth at least once during the past four weeks.
--True
--False
("Is my scranus supposed to hurt like this?")
7) New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg says bike share is:
--The "wave of the future"
--"Pie in the sky"
--"Smugness incarnate"
--"Now delayed until at least 2016"
***Special Oprah-Themed Bonus Question***
(One of these Oprahs is actually Phil Liggett. Can you guess which?)
In a scandal that just keeps getting weirder, it's been revealed that Lance Armstrong was planning to fake his Oprah interview, and had actually arranged to sit down with Phil Liggett in a fatsuit.
--True
--False
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