Just kidding!
(Just kidding.)
I actually have tons of time because I don't really do anything. Sure, I'll do a little artisanal fathering now and again, and once in awhile I might get it it together to make a sandwich, but that's about it. Really, the only time my life gets even remotely complicated is when I try to hold a cup of coffee and my smartphone at the same time, which is why I'm very glad these guys are solving my one and only problem by inventing this:
Uppercup - The first cupholder for the iPhone. Order yours now at: indiegogo.com/uppercup from Natwerk on Vimeo.
A reader recently forwarded me this invention, and while it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with bikes, it does have a lot to do with being really stupid, so I figure it's fair game. Also, I'd be very grateful if someone could explain this guy's pants to me:
They look like a stained glass window recreated in velvet.
The inventors of the Uppercup are Frank and Reuben:
These are the guys who are going to make the ledge and very probably all other flat surfaces on which you might otherwise rest a cup of coffee obsolete, so remember their names. Just so you don't forget, that's Frank:
And Reuben:
I'm thinking about maybe getting it together to make a sandwich a little later, except all I have in the fridge is caviar and duck fat.
Anyway, be sure to invest in the Uppercut if you're too much of a "woosie" to simply rest your coffee on the hood of somebody's parked car.
Also, in other reader-forwarded news, Mario Cipollini has gone into the ladies' clothing business, with predictable results:
That top is called the "Nippollini."
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know, and if you're wrong you'll see recumbents on ice.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and watch out for thin ice.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
(The Bloomberg soda ban would put an end to the enormous beverages LeMond enjoyed throughout his career.)
1) Greg LeMond appeared in an advertisement for which fast food chain?
--Taco Bell
--Arby's
--Long John Silver's
--Artie O'Sclerosis and Angie O'Plastie's Irish-American Burger Chalet
(Mario Cipollini's body is fluent in the language of love.)
2) Bicycling recently analyzed the body language Lance Armstrong used during his interview with Oprah Winfrey. Which of the following behaviors was not included in the analysis?
--"Inappropriate nodding"
--"Teeth-baring"
--"Jaw and neck tension"
--"Involuntary nipple secretions"
3) Suspended pro cyclist Levi Leipheimer recently took part in:
--An alleycat
--An unsanctioned mountain bike ride
--A "Wolfpack Hustle"
--A game of "USADA Reasoned Decision beach volleyball" with fellow suspended riders Dave Zabriskie, George Hincapie, Michael Barry, Christian Vande Velde, and Tom Danielson
("Come on, I'm late for a stock photography shoot!")
4) Drivers cover what percentage of US road spending?
--100%
--75%
--50%
--5%
"Well that's a myth. I never actually raced against Lance Armstrong. In my whole reign [sic] really. I raced once against him in the Criterium International 2004, never at the Tour de France... um yeah so that was the only time really."
5) Bradley Wiggins does not remember racing against Lance Armstrong at the Tour de France.
--True
--False
“That was the thing that upset me the most about 2009 and 2010. I thought, ‘you lying bastard.’ I can still remember going toe-to-toe with him, watching him and his body language. The man I saw at the top of Verbier in 2009 to the man I saw on the top of Ventoux two weeks later, it wasn’t the same bike rider. Watch the videos and see the way the guy was riding. I just don’t believe anything that comes out of his mouth anymore."
6) Not only does Bradley Wiggins remember racing against Lance Armstrong at the Tour de France, but he totally knew he was doping.
--True
--False
(Steampunk Garmin)
7) Cyclists of the future will navigate cities by using:
--Sextants
--Robots
***Special Bret-Inspired Career Choice-Themed Bonus Question***
Make a difference with a career in:
--Biology
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