Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Like if Iceman & Goose were on the Same Team

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Okay, so where to begin with the weekend? Well, Friday night I got off work about 45 minutes early, met up with the Wingmans and we headed up to my mom's house in Eden (the Fortress of Solitude) and enjoy a barbecue with about fifty of my closest relatives (instead of the usual hundreds). We had burgers and the Wingmans got to meet my nieces & nephew for the first time (they agree that they're cute) and we just had a great time hanging out with the family.

Saturday, we woke up late, went to the Shooting Star Saloon in Huntsville, the longest running continuous bar in all of Utah (like 130 years or something). We also enjoyed one of their famous Star Burgers, which is basically a double cheese burger with a knackwurst on top...and it's delicious. The beer wasn't bad either...and the only other thing on the menu is potato chips, so that's really the full experience. Also they have dollars stapled to the ceiling and plenty of animal heads on the walls...including a St Bernard. Fun place. Then he went to a few stores, stopped by my Aunt Pat & Alicia's birthday party, saw some of my dad's family that I hadn't seen in many years, then we headed out to have some REAL fun.

Saturday night was BB's karaoke birthday jam at the Lazy Dog Saloon in Riverton. It's kind of a dive...but that just means the beer and cheap and the people are entertainingly inebriated. Now, I know what you're thinking...and yes, we sang...but apparently they only wanted us to do one song (all the regulars put in their portfolios hours before we showed up) but it was..."The Devil Went Down to Georgia" by the Charlie Daniels Band. Not my greatest performance...but on the fiddle solos, I got people clapping to my jiggy interpretation of this classic duel between Good & Evil...and nothing brings people together like "I done told you once you sum'bich, I'm the best there's ever been." After closing time, we headed over to one of BB's friends for further entertainment, food & Guitar Hero World Tour. Good times. Eventually we got to sleep...but that was around 5 AM.

Sunday, we slept in and really didn't do too much except watch movies. We went to the theatre to watch "The Hangover" and now we want to go to Vegas...and may actually do it this next weekend. If you haven't seen this movie, it gets the Vegas Seal of Recommendation. It's the story of four guys who go to Vegas for a bachelor party...and shenanigans ensue...and they've lost one of their friends...and they don't remember a damn thing about the night before. See also: Every weekend in Vegas EVER (including those that involve an emergency room). It's what you'd expect with all the humor, pretty low brow...but at least it's funny and not just gross. Think of this movie as a mix of "Dude, Where's My Car?" meets "Bachelor Party" and that's what you've got. Go check it out...or wait until the rental. Watch it with friends...and then plan your next trip to Vegas.

That night we stopped at a Redbox and got "The Watchmen" which I had been waiting to see...and it was really cool & dark and just not like other superhero stories out there. I really liked it. It's from the director of "300" so some of the stuff is a little...over the top...but hey, it's a superhero flick, so what do you expect really? The story revolves around an alternate reality where Nixon's elected for five terms and it's an alternate 1985 (like Back to the Future?) and the world is on the brink of chaos thanks to an escalated Cold War with Russia...and all the superheroes have retired. Now, some of them are being murdered...and it's up to the rest to find out who's doing it...and why. I had asked numerous people before about this movie...and the only thing they could tell me was about the big glowing blue penis of Doctor Manhattan. "Interesting, so are there bad guys or what?" "Seriously. Every few minutes, it's like BAM!!! Forty foot blue cock on the screen!!!" "Okay...but tell me more about it. What's the plot? I haven't read the comics or novel or whatever." "It was just so...you know?" Yes, there is some frontal nudity...but not as much as I was expecting based on the testimony. I even watched it on a projector screen. Still, great flick. Go check it out. Leave the kids at home though. Oh...and I have a bottle of absinthe now...and it was nice. It was another late night.

Monday, I was having a case of the Monday Flu...so I decided to call off work and spend the day chillaxin' with the Wingmans. We had lunch at Buca di Beppo across the street with my mom (who was in town for a few hours with work) and again, just kind of relaxed and took in the day of rest and watched movies and had a few beverages and cooked up some collard greens & fruit and just had a grand olde tyme. The Wingmans & I always seem to know how to have a fun time...even on a dime. Hopefully we'll be able to arrange something for this weekend in Vegas because after that, they'll have the five kids around for the next few months, so one last hurrah before having to go back to responsibilities. That's the idea we're going with. So if anybody else wants in on some of this action, let us know...but be prepared to have fun. No drama. Deal?

Tuesday, I went to work...and afterwards was surprised to find that the Wingmans were still in town for another day & wanted to hang out...so we did. We went to the new all-you-can-eat sushi place called Simply Sushi across the street...and had about $50 worth of sushi (five long rolls & some nigiri) for twenty bucks. Great deal...and I never thought that I could get full off sushi...but it happened. They'll even do substitutions...and I highly recommend a Park City Roll with yellowtail substituting the salmon. It's amaz-az-ing. Ladies, if you wanna check it out...I've got the hookup.

After sushi, we went back to the apartment and watched "Miss March" starring...well, Hugh Hefner was in it. Basically the story is, there's this straight arrow kid...and his dim-witted pervert friend (we all have at least one). The straight arrow is going to senior prom with a superhottie girlfriend of two plus years...and they're about to do the do...when he falls down some stairs, hits his head...and is in a coma for four years. He wakes up...and finds out that his friend is still there, but his dad left him, and his girlfriend is now the centerfold on the latest issue of Playboy. So now, his friend is being chased by his girlfriend (he stabbed her with a fork) and firefighters...and he kidnaps his friend recovering from a coma to go on a cross-country trip to the Playboy Mansion...and there's a rapper friend named Horsedick.mpeg and...at least there's plenty of hot chicks in the movie. That's really about it. There are funny moments...but it reverts back to poop jokes a lot...and idiocy, which can be entertaining. Not a must see by any means...but hey, Playboy's involved...so you know it has to be okay on a basic level.

Fortune Cookie of the (Yester) Day - "A Note Full of Cheer is Coming From a Loved One...in bed" - Okay, that's just a little weird...but only because I don't really have a loved one in bed per se...unless it's like somebody writing on their bed...using their laptop or something. That might be the case...but yeah, otherwise it's just a little odd. Now a little something about bears...

Badass Boulder Bears - Apparently I got out of Denver just in the nick of time. The animals are taking over. A black (African-American) bear that broke into a Boulder County home and charged at the homeowner was killed only after three rounds from a shotgun, five shots from a handgun and two from a rifle. Paul Fischer fired birdshot and a rubber bullet at the 120-pound bear that was found rummaging through the kitchen early Monday morning. The family escaped when the third shot seemed to disorient the bear. Sheriff's deputies found a bear trying to claw his way through a screen door when they arrived. Sgt. Lance Enholm fired his handgun five times at the bear after determining it was severely wounded. Enholm says the bear kept moving toward him and was finally killed by two shots from his rifle. Ten shots, three different weapons, and one fuzzy wuzzy corpse. Remember to lock your doors at night.

Panda Update - China announced the first successful birth of a panda cub from artificial insemination using frozen sperm, giving a new option for the notoriously poor breeders, officials said Friday. Panda females have only three days a year in which they can conceive — one reason their species is endangered. Female panda You You (pronounced Yo Yo) gave birth to the new cub Thursday morning at the Wolong Giant Panda Research Center in southwestern Sichuan. It is You You's third baby, and the 10th panda cub born at Wolong this year. Just after dawn, the pinkish, hairless cub emerged, and its mother licked the baby to clean it, according to footage shown by state broadcaster CCTV. Panda researchers said Friday that they believe it's the first successful live birth worldwide using frozen panda sperm. "We did try before but it failed," said Huang Yan, a deputy research technician with the China Panda Preservation Research Center. The technique has been tried in other countries but this was the first known instance of a live birth, he said. The sperm from male panda Lolo (as in, keep it on the lolo) had been frozen for "a number of years," said Huang, though he did not give details. Artificial insemination is commonly used for breeding pandas, which have a very low sex drive. In 2006, 34 pandas were born through artificial insemination in China and 30 survived — both record numbers for the endangered species. The technique has also been used at zoos in the United States. However, using panda sperm that has been frozen earlier (instead of from an immediate donor) had not been successful before. Scientists carried out the artificial insemination in March, and You You was found to be pregnant in June during an ultrasound exam, according to a notice on the Wolong Center's Web site. The technique, if it can be replicated, will be a positive boost for panda conservation efforts, said Matthew Durnin, regional science director in the Asia-Pacific and North Asia for The Nature Conservancy, a U.S.-based conservation organization. "In the past, they're limited to using semen from a few virile, reproductive males. If you're using only one male at a time, you start to get lower and lower diversity. This can help with issues of genetic diversity among your captive population," he said. Breeding giant pandas in captivity has proved difficult. Pandas are threatened by loss of habitat, poaching and a low reproduction rate. Females in the wild normally have a cub once every two or three years. Oddly enough, the fertility of captive giant pandas is even lower. Only about 1,600 pandas live in the wild, mostly in China's southwestern Sichuan province, which was hit by an earthquake last year that killed nearly 70,000 people. An additional 120 are in Chinese breeding facilities and zoos, and about 20 live in zoos outside China. So Yo-yo & Lolo had a baster baby...and it'll be named in about three months. Great news from the scientific world. Soon pandas will be rummaging through our kitchens and getting shot ten times too. I can't wait for those days.


Well, that'll do it for today. Hope you all had a wonderful weekend as well...and a big thanks to the Wingmans for stopping by and having a kick-ass time. Have a great day everybody!!!

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