Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Really wish that I could tell you about some fascinating stories that happened to me over the past few days or tell you about new developments in my job search or maybe even a clever little ditty involving pandas and zombies...but there's really just nothing to tell. Various HR departments across the globe have conspired against me once again...yet somehow I trudge forward and await for their "upgrades" to work...but to this point, they have not. My brother has called me many, many times since I saw him on Saturday...and I feel sorry for the guy being so lonely...but seriously, he has nothing to talk about...and I mean NOTHING. "How's your day?" "Ugh, you know." "No, I don't know. I've been working all day." "Just...yeah." "Okay, what're you up to now?" "Mom's watching the kids." "Okay, so what are YOU up to now?" "Nothing." A few seconds of silence. "Okay, well it was great talking to ya playa." It doesn't go exactly that way. There's a lot more spurts of silence during that conversation. I don't know what to do for the guy. I listen...to nothing. I suggest that he go out and do something...or someone. It's not like he's watching the kids or working everyday. I know he's basically depressed (believe me, I know the symptoms) but if he's not willing to do anything about it, what am I supposed to do? Maybe he just needs a few days to chillax. We'll see. Any suggestions? I usually don't have a problem with people calling me up at all hours to unload...but he's not unloading...just calling and then...I don't know, getting distracted. Anyway, enough about that. Here's some news...
Disney Buys Marvel - Here's a story even my brother could appreciate. Walt Disney Co on Monday agreed to buy Marvel Entertainment Inc for $4 billion in the biggest media deal of the year, banking on Marvel's roster of superheroes to broaden its lineup of movie franchises that appeal to boys. Disney adds Iron Man, Incredible Hulk and Thor to its roster of lovable characters like Mickey Mouse and Snow White, and will feature the comic book heroes in movies before rolling out associated theme park rides, TV shows and merchandise. But the deal comes at a tough time in the entertainment business, with advertisers avoiding spending on new campaigns and consumers cutting back on everything from DVDs to travel. The deal is also expensive. The price tag values Marvel at 37 times its estimated 2009 earnings, and offers shareholders a 29% premium to Friday's closing price. Standard & Poor's reacted by placing Disney's credit rating on its negative watchlist...but the risk of overpaying did not deter Disney from seeking out a deal to address an area of concern among investors: How can it better reach more young males. "This helps give Disney more important exposure to the young male demographic that they have sort of lost some ground with in recent years," said David Joyce, an analyst with Miller Tabak & Co. Indeed, Disney has long been a blockbuster brand with girls thanks to characters such as "Hannah Montana," "Cinderella" and "Snow White," but has struggled to achieve the same kind of success with boys. Movies including "Iron Man 2," due to hit theaters next year, or 2011's "Spider-Man 4" and "Avengers" should help resolve that issue. Disney will also be able to use its marketing and entertainment strength -- stretching from ABC to cable television to theme parks -- to promote and build characters such as Thor in ways Marvel never could. The deal is Disney's largest since the $7.6 billion purchase of Pixar in 2006, and it immediately caused reverberations. Shares in DreamWorks Animation SKG Inc spiked 5% on speculation it may become a takeover target and analysts raised questions about companies like Viacom Inc, Discovery Communications Inc, and Hasbro Inc that have existing business partnerships with Marvel. For more of the financial specs, they're in the article or the Wall Street Journal, but basically...this means Disney is close to creating a monopoly on entertainment for your children. I'm really just curious exactly how PC and/or PG that Disney's going to make Marvel movies and whatever else they end up doing. Marvel, to me, always seemed like one of the few big-time creative outlets for some of the world's most aspiring artists and storytellers who didn't want to be censored and streamlined to turn a profit. Granted, there was obviously some just to keep them on the shelves as opposed to under the counter for most of the popular ones...but it always seemed like they were big enough to succeed (as they obviously did) yet not so big that they were forced to please everybody (like Disney finds itself having to always do). Well, those days are gone. I wonder if Stan Lee can still negotiate being in all of the Marvel movies still. Who knows? Maybe it'll just be a financial deal...where Marvel's still a separately ran company and Disney just gets the profits or something like that. Still, 37 TIMES its estimated earnings? Seems like a lot when it's put that way...but hey, Disney didn't build its empire by overpaying for something they can't turn. They built it on your children.
Minnesota: Basketball's Soap Opera - So sometimes, I look at things from a different perspective. I know, shocking, right? Well, because my brother by another mother, Kevin Love plays pro ball in Minnesota, I've been paying a little bit of attention...and it gets more like a soap opera every day. Okay so, remember this last Basketball's Christmas when they drafted that overrated 18-year old Spanish kid Ricky Rubio? No, well they did...because he was hyped like no other...and he was 18 years old. Well, after two months and three visits by the team's GM to discuss a buyout clause in the contract with his Spanish team, apparently little Ricky is being traded to a team in Barcelona...and it'll be AT LEAST two years before he comes to play in the NBA. I don't know what the child labor laws are in Spain...but if a kid signs a contract when he's like 15 or something...and there's an $8 million buyout clause when he's only getting paid a few grand a year...is that legal? Weird...but definitely could be a mini-series on Telemundo...with plenty of eye candy. So...that was expected a few months ago. However, the really good stuff just happened the past few weeks when the Minnesota Timberwolves hired their new head coach, Kurt Rambis. If you follow basketball, you know Kurt. He's the guy who wore the horn-rimmed glasses when he played for the Lakers in the 80's with Magic & Kareem...and was basically the enforcer & rebounder guy. You see him on a bunch of 80's highlight reels as the guy catching a no-look Magic pass and laying it up...or receiving one of the all-time great clotheslines in sports history via Kevin McHale (who he replaced in Minnesota) and when they used to play the Pistons in the latter part of the decade, he had many a rough battle with former Pistons bad boy Bill Laimbeer.
Well, now he's coaching...and after almost a decade of being in coach Phil Jackson shadow in Hollywood, he basically skipped town and went to Minneapolis to coach there and prove his stuff...and get some of that foldin' money. He just hired a few assistant coaches...and one of them...is former three-time WNBA champion coach of the Detroit Shock...and former Pistons bad boy...Mister Bill Laimbeer. That's right, the guy who he used to trade elbows with and once gave him one of the greatest clothesline tackles in NBA history...is his assistant coach. That could be something straight out of Melrose Place. "Laimbeer! Run some drills with the second team." "Kurt, I'm tired of working with the second team. Half of them don't speak English and the other half don't speak it very well. I'm a championship level coach dammit! Let me run some drills with the first team." "Listen Laimbeer, you're lucky that I even gave you this chance after that sh*t you pulled in '89. I don't care what kind of rec league championship you won up in Detroit's summer league or whatever..." "IT'S THE WNBA!!!" "Never heard of it...but if I say that you're running the second team...then I suggest that you brush up on your Turkish and run the second team." "Don't you dare talk to me like that, you four-eyed condescending prick!" "Laimbeer! GO GET YOUR SHINE BOX!!!" "MUTHA LOVER!!!" Good ol' 80's style bench clearing brawl starts right in the middle of practice...and I'm not sure how...but in true Melrose Place fashion, I'm thinking it'll end with somebody falling into the pool. So yeah, that could be a lot of fun...even if just in the confines of my own twisted mind. It doesn't matter if they're on the same sideline wearing Armani suits, they'll always be wearing blue & red and purple & gold, a facemask and horn-rimmed glasses respectively...and just ready to go at each other's throats when the right moment arises. "Okay guys, LeBron's really taking it to us...so let's set up a zone and fill up these driving lanes a bit." "Coach Rambis, I think we should do a box-and-one. Then he's guarded from half-court and if he..." "Laimbeer, I don't believe I asked for your f**king opinion. If I want to know what worked against somebody coming off a year of maternity leave, then I'll ask for your input...but since we're talking about King James here, I suggest you..." Clothesline followed by Laimbeer pouncing on Rambis and choking him as other coaches and referees try to pry him off. I know it sounds horrible...but you know what? That'd be the most exciting thing to happen to the Timberwolves this year. Good luck guys.
Enough of that brutish sports stuff. Let's make it a little...sexier. Today at work, I was luckily enough to watch the US Open...and the good one, Tennis...not golf. Some of you may ask, "Tennis? Really? How is that possibly the good one?" Well, because you're comparing it to Golf...and not Mini-Golf or Extreme Golf. So I guess it's more appropriately...the better one. However, it's also the better one...because I don't get a chubby watching the golf version. When I'm watching the women's side of a tennis tournament, it could be two girls with names I can't even imagine how to pronounce (seriously some of them don't have vowels) but I'll watch it. I watched Caroline Wozniacki win her match and...yeah, I was impressed...even without sound. The sound makes the match though usually. You know I'm an Ana Ivanovic fan...but seriously, when I'm watching a Maria Sharapova match, I feel like I need to turn the TV down so that the neighbors can't hear lest they think that I'm watching porn again...er, period. Honestly, do yourself a favor and just listen to her. She groans with every exchange like her sweet sweet spot is located the "sweet spot" of her racquet.
Really wish that I could tell you about some fascinating stories that happened to me over the past few days or tell you about new developments in my job search or maybe even a clever little ditty involving pandas and zombies...but there's really just nothing to tell. Various HR departments across the globe have conspired against me once again...yet somehow I trudge forward and await for their "upgrades" to work...but to this point, they have not. My brother has called me many, many times since I saw him on Saturday...and I feel sorry for the guy being so lonely...but seriously, he has nothing to talk about...and I mean NOTHING. "How's your day?" "Ugh, you know." "No, I don't know. I've been working all day." "Just...yeah." "Okay, what're you up to now?" "Mom's watching the kids." "Okay, so what are YOU up to now?" "Nothing." A few seconds of silence. "Okay, well it was great talking to ya playa." It doesn't go exactly that way. There's a lot more spurts of silence during that conversation. I don't know what to do for the guy. I listen...to nothing. I suggest that he go out and do something...or someone. It's not like he's watching the kids or working everyday. I know he's basically depressed (believe me, I know the symptoms) but if he's not willing to do anything about it, what am I supposed to do? Maybe he just needs a few days to chillax. We'll see. Any suggestions? I usually don't have a problem with people calling me up at all hours to unload...but he's not unloading...just calling and then...I don't know, getting distracted. Anyway, enough about that. Here's some news...
Disney Buys Marvel - Here's a story even my brother could appreciate. Walt Disney Co on Monday agreed to buy Marvel Entertainment Inc for $4 billion in the biggest media deal of the year, banking on Marvel's roster of superheroes to broaden its lineup of movie franchises that appeal to boys. Disney adds Iron Man, Incredible Hulk and Thor to its roster of lovable characters like Mickey Mouse and Snow White, and will feature the comic book heroes in movies before rolling out associated theme park rides, TV shows and merchandise. But the deal comes at a tough time in the entertainment business, with advertisers avoiding spending on new campaigns and consumers cutting back on everything from DVDs to travel. The deal is also expensive. The price tag values Marvel at 37 times its estimated 2009 earnings, and offers shareholders a 29% premium to Friday's closing price. Standard & Poor's reacted by placing Disney's credit rating on its negative watchlist...but the risk of overpaying did not deter Disney from seeking out a deal to address an area of concern among investors: How can it better reach more young males. "This helps give Disney more important exposure to the young male demographic that they have sort of lost some ground with in recent years," said David Joyce, an analyst with Miller Tabak & Co. Indeed, Disney has long been a blockbuster brand with girls thanks to characters such as "Hannah Montana," "Cinderella" and "Snow White," but has struggled to achieve the same kind of success with boys. Movies including "Iron Man 2," due to hit theaters next year, or 2011's "Spider-Man 4" and "Avengers" should help resolve that issue. Disney will also be able to use its marketing and entertainment strength -- stretching from ABC to cable television to theme parks -- to promote and build characters such as Thor in ways Marvel never could. The deal is Disney's largest since the $7.6 billion purchase of Pixar in 2006, and it immediately caused reverberations. Shares in DreamWorks Animation SKG Inc spiked 5% on speculation it may become a takeover target and analysts raised questions about companies like Viacom Inc, Discovery Communications Inc, and Hasbro Inc that have existing business partnerships with Marvel. For more of the financial specs, they're in the article or the Wall Street Journal, but basically...this means Disney is close to creating a monopoly on entertainment for your children. I'm really just curious exactly how PC and/or PG that Disney's going to make Marvel movies and whatever else they end up doing. Marvel, to me, always seemed like one of the few big-time creative outlets for some of the world's most aspiring artists and storytellers who didn't want to be censored and streamlined to turn a profit. Granted, there was obviously some just to keep them on the shelves as opposed to under the counter for most of the popular ones...but it always seemed like they were big enough to succeed (as they obviously did) yet not so big that they were forced to please everybody (like Disney finds itself having to always do). Well, those days are gone. I wonder if Stan Lee can still negotiate being in all of the Marvel movies still. Who knows? Maybe it'll just be a financial deal...where Marvel's still a separately ran company and Disney just gets the profits or something like that. Still, 37 TIMES its estimated earnings? Seems like a lot when it's put that way...but hey, Disney didn't build its empire by overpaying for something they can't turn. They built it on your children.
Minnesota: Basketball's Soap Opera - So sometimes, I look at things from a different perspective. I know, shocking, right? Well, because my brother by another mother, Kevin Love plays pro ball in Minnesota, I've been paying a little bit of attention...and it gets more like a soap opera every day. Okay so, remember this last Basketball's Christmas when they drafted that overrated 18-year old Spanish kid Ricky Rubio? No, well they did...because he was hyped like no other...and he was 18 years old. Well, after two months and three visits by the team's GM to discuss a buyout clause in the contract with his Spanish team, apparently little Ricky is being traded to a team in Barcelona...and it'll be AT LEAST two years before he comes to play in the NBA. I don't know what the child labor laws are in Spain...but if a kid signs a contract when he's like 15 or something...and there's an $8 million buyout clause when he's only getting paid a few grand a year...is that legal? Weird...but definitely could be a mini-series on Telemundo...with plenty of eye candy. So...that was expected a few months ago. However, the really good stuff just happened the past few weeks when the Minnesota Timberwolves hired their new head coach, Kurt Rambis. If you follow basketball, you know Kurt. He's the guy who wore the horn-rimmed glasses when he played for the Lakers in the 80's with Magic & Kareem...and was basically the enforcer & rebounder guy. You see him on a bunch of 80's highlight reels as the guy catching a no-look Magic pass and laying it up...or receiving one of the all-time great clotheslines in sports history via Kevin McHale (who he replaced in Minnesota) and when they used to play the Pistons in the latter part of the decade, he had many a rough battle with former Pistons bad boy Bill Laimbeer.
Well, now he's coaching...and after almost a decade of being in coach Phil Jackson shadow in Hollywood, he basically skipped town and went to Minneapolis to coach there and prove his stuff...and get some of that foldin' money. He just hired a few assistant coaches...and one of them...is former three-time WNBA champion coach of the Detroit Shock...and former Pistons bad boy...Mister Bill Laimbeer. That's right, the guy who he used to trade elbows with and once gave him one of the greatest clothesline tackles in NBA history...is his assistant coach. That could be something straight out of Melrose Place. "Laimbeer! Run some drills with the second team." "Kurt, I'm tired of working with the second team. Half of them don't speak English and the other half don't speak it very well. I'm a championship level coach dammit! Let me run some drills with the first team." "Listen Laimbeer, you're lucky that I even gave you this chance after that sh*t you pulled in '89. I don't care what kind of rec league championship you won up in Detroit's summer league or whatever..." "IT'S THE WNBA!!!" "Never heard of it...but if I say that you're running the second team...then I suggest that you brush up on your Turkish and run the second team." "Don't you dare talk to me like that, you four-eyed condescending prick!" "Laimbeer! GO GET YOUR SHINE BOX!!!" "MUTHA LOVER!!!" Good ol' 80's style bench clearing brawl starts right in the middle of practice...and I'm not sure how...but in true Melrose Place fashion, I'm thinking it'll end with somebody falling into the pool. So yeah, that could be a lot of fun...even if just in the confines of my own twisted mind. It doesn't matter if they're on the same sideline wearing Armani suits, they'll always be wearing blue & red and purple & gold, a facemask and horn-rimmed glasses respectively...and just ready to go at each other's throats when the right moment arises. "Okay guys, LeBron's really taking it to us...so let's set up a zone and fill up these driving lanes a bit." "Coach Rambis, I think we should do a box-and-one. Then he's guarded from half-court and if he..." "Laimbeer, I don't believe I asked for your f**king opinion. If I want to know what worked against somebody coming off a year of maternity leave, then I'll ask for your input...but since we're talking about King James here, I suggest you..." Clothesline followed by Laimbeer pouncing on Rambis and choking him as other coaches and referees try to pry him off. I know it sounds horrible...but you know what? That'd be the most exciting thing to happen to the Timberwolves this year. Good luck guys.
Enough of that brutish sports stuff. Let's make it a little...sexier. Today at work, I was luckily enough to watch the US Open...and the good one, Tennis...not golf. Some of you may ask, "Tennis? Really? How is that possibly the good one?" Well, because you're comparing it to Golf...and not Mini-Golf or Extreme Golf. So I guess it's more appropriately...the better one. However, it's also the better one...because I don't get a chubby watching the golf version. When I'm watching the women's side of a tennis tournament, it could be two girls with names I can't even imagine how to pronounce (seriously some of them don't have vowels) but I'll watch it. I watched Caroline Wozniacki win her match and...yeah, I was impressed...even without sound. The sound makes the match though usually. You know I'm an Ana Ivanovic fan...but seriously, when I'm watching a Maria Sharapova match, I feel like I need to turn the TV down so that the neighbors can't hear lest they think that I'm watching porn again...er, period. Honestly, do yourself a favor and just listen to her. She groans with every exchange like her sweet sweet spot is located the "sweet spot" of her racquet.
Also, just on a side note, I've always wanted to go to a tennis tournament. Why? So that after the match, I could walk up to the winner...let's say, Ana Ivanovic...and say, "Miss Ivanovic, you were magnificent out there. By the way, I'm terribly sorry to bother you but (reach into my pocket) will you sign my balls?" This is where I pull out those fuzzy little lime green balls that they sign for all the kids...and either she signals for security & I'm escorted off the grounds...or she smiles, pulls the sharpie out from under her dress, signs them and I repay her by buying her dinner. It could go either way. Anyway, now we're taking the sexy up...not merely one notch...nor two notches...but thrice the notch of a standard sexy-up...
Fox / Jolie / Barbarella Update - In what could be the greatest showdown ever for the ultimate sex symbol tag, sultry supermegahotties Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox will allegedly audition for the role of "Barbarella" in a remake of the 1968 sci-fi classic of the same title. “This will be the first time Angie and Megan have ever faced off for the same role,” the Daily Star quoted a studio insider as saying. The source added: “Whoever gets the part will become the absolute number one Hollywood sex symbol on the planet.” The original film had turned Jane Fonda into an international sex symbol overnight. Now, whoever grabs the role will see herself as a latex-suited blonde (actually I'm pretty sure they'll stay a brunette...or they could just go redhead to f**k with everybody) thigh-high-booted mercenary of the future. Both Jolie and Fox have spoken about being compared to each other in the past. Jolie once said: “If it’s a comparison of looks, she can be the most beautiful but I have so much more going on.” Fox said: “She’s a powerful human being. She could eat me alive.” (I just blacked out for a second) Dino De Laurentiis, who produced the earlier film, believes that only these two mega stars can guarantee that the 150-million-dollar project becomes a huge box office hit...and let's face it, that's what really matters, right? By the way, if you haven't seen the original...then you probably have absolutely no idea how hot this scenario can be...and I would highly recommend that you go check it out...or stop by my place & we can watch it together...and discuss. It may all be unfounded speculation like so much else on the internet...but hey, it worked for me. I'm already seeing Gary Oldman as the bad guy. So cast your vote. Who should be the next Barbarella? Here are some pictures to help you decide...and for my own personal amusement...but mostly to help you decide...
Megan Fox
Maybe a write-in?
Rose McGowan was rumored at one time...
Maybe an actual natural blonde?
No, daddy likes brunettes...
so here's Angelina
Okay, so after that...I just have to say...it's basically Angelina's job if she wants it. No offense to Megan or Rose or Gary or anybody else applying...but just face it. Your only chance is if she thinks it's not worth her time.
Fortune Cookie of the Day - "The World Will Soon Be Ready to Receive Your Talents...in Bed" - Soon, ladies. Soon ye shall be ready to receive the FULL pleasure-giving powers of Dr Mookie Love...but not quite yet. Apparently, you're just not ready for it...but soon...and for the rest of your life, the Prophecy shall be fulfilled...and your cup shall runneth over. Giggidy. Have a great night ladies!!! Sweet dreams...
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