Friday, October 2, 2009

Nobody Pouts Into a Jiggy

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I've been chilly for the first time in six months...and I love it. Left the windows open all night...and apparently it dropped into the 30's. Glorious under the covers though. Does that make me a freak because I like the cool crisp smell & feel on my face...yet snug as a bug in a rug (as your mom might say) under the covers? I didn't think so. Yeah, not much to talk about with me about yesterday. Passport renewed, tuning up the car in the rain (just fluids & stuff), a few loads of laundry, making some wonderful grilled chicken nachos for lunch and chicken parmesan for dinner, watching some more "Dexter" & "Supernatural" and just relaxing. Not a bad way to spend a day off...but yeah, boring to you guys. My apologies. I'll try to work on that. My life seems to have its peaks & valleys when it comes to exciting adventures...but I think I'm about due for another one...which may be great...or frustrating (fingers crossed on another Day of Infamy). In the meantime, here's the news...

Olympics Go Full Brazilian - Well, Rio de Janeiro is going to host the 2016 Summer Olympic Games...and I think it's awesome. I love to root root root for the home team...but I hadn't been to any of the four cities in the final bid for the Olympics...so I based my views purely on speculation of what could be. I was pretty sure that Chicago wasn't going to get it because...well, I'm sure it's a great town and I can't wait to visit it...but the world pretty much hates the United States...and Kanye West...so that's two strikes going against the Windy City from the get-go. That's why I think they were axed in the first round. Next city to be kicked off the island was Tokyo...and I was really excited about the possibility of Tokyo hosting the Olympics. I mean...think about the opening ceremonies being FULLY ROBOTIC!!! It would've been a technological marvel of the world...but then again, you'd have people stacked on people & a bunch of crazy sh*t like square watermelons and it would distract from the sports, I would think. I think the only reason that Madrid lasted to first runner-up was because a former IOC chairman basically begged for them to be considered...and because all of this is political anyway (there I said it) then arguably the second coolest city in Spain (behind Barcelona, who hosted 1992 of course) was rated the second coolest in the world. So then that leaves us with Rio de Janeiro, the crown jewel of South America...and I'm really excited because it's the first time the games have gone to South America...and it's a beautiful city...full of beautiful people (perhaps the Victoria's Secret supermodels were involved to sway their decisions) and there's a rich sports history in the country. The world LOVES soccer...and this is the land of Pele...and Ronaldo...and Ronaldhino...and Nene (basketball) and a bunch of other one-named athletes. The only downside that I can see...is that this was a once-affordable dream destination...and now the Olympics might destroy that and make everything incredibly expensive...so hurry and book your fairly-inexpensive vacations while you still can. Or perhaps after the Olympics you may be able to afford to visit for Carnivale (opening ceremonies should be amazing) since some host cities of the Olympics seem to have a MAJOR drop-off in tourism revenue...like maybe that own city that hosted the 2002 Winter Olympics...so I've heard. Anyway, congratulations Rio!!! Continue dancing in the sand & I hope to meet you very soon.

Dinosaur Updates - About 125 million years ago a tiny version of Tyrannosaurus rex roamed what is now northeastern China. Tiny, that is, by T-Rex standards. You still wouldn't want to meet it face to face. Described by paleontologist Paul Sereno as "punk size," this early predator would have weighed about 150 pounds. It just seems small compared to the giant T. rex that evolved millions of years later and was as much as 100 times more massive. "It really is the blueprint for the later (T-Rex) dinosaurs," Sereno said, "it was a blueprint that was scalable." Described for the first time in Thursday's ScienceExpress, the online edition of the journal Science, the new dinosaur has been named Raptorex kriegsteini ("King War Stone Bird"? I'm not joking either, that's really what it mean I think...but there's more on that). Sereno reports that Raptorex has all the hallmarks of T-Rex, including a large head, tiny arms and lanky feet — just in a smaller size. "What we're looking at is a blueprint for a fast-running set of jaws," Sereno said at a briefing arranged by the American Association for the Advancement of Science. The giant T-Rex dominated much of the planet from about 90 million years ago until the great extinction 65 million years ago. Raptorex would have stood a lanky 9 feet tall, said Sereno, of the University of Chicago and also a National Geographic explorer in residence. The newly described remains were found by fossil hunters in northern China, smuggled out of that country and offered for sale to collector Henry Kriegstein of Higham, Mass., Sereno said. Kriegstein, for whom the animal is now named (makes some sense now), donated the materials to science and they will be returned to China. The fossil was encased in a single block of stone (hmm, the name really does fit a bit). That stone allowed the researchers to trace the find to its original location. So there were mini-me's of T-Rexes in China back in the day. Mildly interesting...but then it gets really interesting with regards to T-Rexes and the mass extinction...

Dinosaur Bird Flu? - The famous dinosaur known as Sue - the largest, most complete and best preserved T-Rex specimen ever found - might have been killed by a disease that afflicts birds even today, scientists now suggest. The remains of Sue, a star attraction of the Field Museum in Chicago, possess holes in her jaw that some believed were battle scars, the result of bloody combat with another dinosaur, possibly another T-Rex. Now researchers suggest these scars did not result from a clash of titans, but rather from a lowly parasite. The infection in Sue's throat and mouth may have been so severe that the 42-foot-long, 7-ton dinosaur starved to death. The ailment the scientists propose felled Sue and other T-Rexes is trichomonosis. In birds, the disease is caused by Trichomonas gallinae, a single-celled protozoan. Although some birds, such as pigeons, commonly host the parasite but suffer few ill effects, in birds of prey (meat eaters? coincidence?) such as falcons and hawks, the germ causes a pattern of serious lesions in the lower beak that closely matches the holes in the jaws of Sue and occurs in the same anatomical location. "It's ironic to think that an animal as mighty as 'Sue' probably died as a result of a parasitic infection. I'll never look at a feral pigeon the same way again," said researcher Steven Salisbury at the University of Queensland in Australia. The researchers investigated the jaws of Sue and 60 other tyrannosaur specimens. Nearly 15% of them possessed lesions that had previously been attributed to bite wounds or, possibly, a bacterial infection. These holes were roughly 0.2 to more than 1 inch wide (0.5 to more than 2.5 cm), extending through roughly a half-inch (1 cm) of bone. As a former teacher of mine would have said, "What does a bird disease have to do with dinosaurs? They're reptiles, right?" Well...yeah that's kind of up for debate too...

Four-winged Dinosaurs Now? - Chinese researchers have unearthed the fossil of a bird-like dinosaur with four wings in northeastern China, which they suggest is a missing link in dinosaurs' evolution into birds. In a paper in the journal Nature, they said they found the well-preserved fossil of the "Anchiornis huxleyi," which roamed the earth some 160 million years ago, in a geological formation in China's northeastern Liaoning province. About the size of a chicken, the fossil has a total body length of less than 50cm (20 inches) and a skull about 6cm long, lead researcher Xing Xu at the Chinese Academy of Science in Beijing told Reuters in an email. "This finding suggests that birds are likely to be descended from a kind of small-sized four-winged dinosaur about 160 million years ago. It is a link between more typical theropods (dinosaurs which moved around with two rear limbs) and birds. It lived around a time period ... that we expected for birds' ancestor." In a statement, the researchers said: "Long feathers cover the arms and tail, but also the feet, suggesting that a four-winged stage may have existed in the transition to birds." The transition from dinosaurs to birds is still poorly understood because of the lack of well-preserved fossils, and many scientists say bird-like dinosaurs appear too late in the fossil record to be the true ancestors of birds. The Chinese researchers believe the fossil is the oldest bird-like dinosaur reported so far, and older than Archaeopteryx, the earliest known bird. "The presence of such a species at this time in the fossil record effectively disputes the argument that bird-like dinosaurs appeared too late to be the ancestors of birds," they wrote. I'll take it one step further. I don't know of any birds with four wings...so I'm gonna say that it's a step between dinosaurs...and birds...and dragonflies. There you go scientists. Work with that. A lot of crazy stuff is being found in China with regards to dinosaurs and missing links...and me being a bit of a dino geek, I love it. Evolution is an amazing thing (sorry Kansas Board of Education...but it is) and it's incredible to think of how over the course of say 100 million years that species can evolve. I mean...humans have evolved tremendous amounts in less than a million or whatever the going theory is. Perhaps in a few million more, we'll be the size of T-Rexes...with wings...and fish gills...like some kind of dragon drawn by Tim Burton or something. Only (lots of) time will tell. Anyway, that's your Dino Update for the next little while.

Cannonball!!! - Yes, this story was cleverly positioned within seconds of reading about human evolution. A Florida man is facing charges after authorities said he was naked and covered in feces when he broke into a resident's backyard and jumped into the pool. A Martin County Sheriff's Office report shows 21-year-old Robert Stark Higgins was charged with burglary to an occupied dwelling, disorderly conduct and misdemeanor theft. The resident told deputies he heard Higgins crash through the screen of his pool and take a splash Saturday night. Authorities said Higgins took a towel and fled. Deputies used a K-9 to track Higgins to a home (they apparently couldn't pick up the smell on their own when mixed with the chlorine). Higgins told deputies he had been drinking (Nooooooo, really?). He was being held at the Martin County Jail on $10,500 bail. Jail officials said he did not immediately have an attorney. Human evolution at its best...but perhaps there's more to the story than we know. Sure, he was drinking...but where did all the feces come from? Perhaps we need to analyze the fecal remnants from the pool (trust me, there'll be at least a ring around the tub) to find out the source...and then...oh my gosh. Why must I turn everything involving poop into a damn mystery? Okay, so I do it with just about everything...but specifically with pooh. Why? Am I that hard up for a good caper? Maybe a septic tank overflowed and he stumbled into it on his way home and that was the closest pool that he knew of. Maybe an airplane accidentally released its cargo over a residential area. Maybe his pig waste silo malfunctioned in a Homer Simpson style blunder. Who knows? More importantly, who besides me really cares? "Excuse me miss, I just need to ask you a few questions about the break-in the other night." "Who are you?" "$teve Love, PPI. Now from what the police report says, the suspect Mister Higgins, around 12:15 AM..." "Wait, PPI? Like a private investigator?" "Private Poopy Investigator. Now the report says that he entered through the gate on the north side of...if you don't mind my asking, what's so goddamn funny? A man's life may be at stake." "It's just...poop? Really? Is this some kind of joke?" "A joke? Do you think Justice is a joke ma'am? DO I LOOK LIKE I'M JOKING? JUST PLEASE ANSWER THE QUESTIONS!!! Now...what kind of lock was on the north entrance?"

Britain Calls on the Governator For Help - You thought I was mad when I told you that Arnie would be President by 2012. Well perhaps my prediction wasn't even close...as now it seems that the World is calling on his help...in what may be a precursor to a future bid for President of the Earth. A British government minister asked California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger Wednesday to shut down a U.S. website that allows men to rate prostitutes, including many working in London. Harriet Harman, minister for women and equality, told the ruling Labour Party's annual conference that "Punternet" (yes Lilie, PUNTernet) fuels the demand for prostitution -- a vice she said degrades women and puts them at risk. She said the website was a "very sinister development" in the trade and exploitation of women and allows guests to compare and rate services in the same way as they would a restaurant, a hotel or a holiday (now what I'm checking out when I get home). Pimps put women on sale for sex on the site then clients offered their comments on line, she said. "Punternet has pages and pages of women for sale in London," said Harman, who is deputy leader of Prime Minister Gordon Brown's Labour Party. She said she had raised the issue with the U.S. ambassador to Britain and asked California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to close it down as it is based in that state. "Surely it can't be too difficult for 'The Terminator' to terminate Punternet and that's what I am demanding that he does." Hmm, that's ballsy to be demanding of Arnold...but hey. The Punternet site describes itself as "The Online Community for Patrons and Providers of Adult Personal Services in the UK" and says it was "created to facilitate the exchange of information on prostitution in the UK." A U.S. Embassy spokesman could not immediately be reached for comment. Prostitution is not illegal in Britain...but associated activities, including soliciting, advertising using cards in telephone boxes and curb crawling, are criminal offenses. The minister also used the speech to say the government would make it a criminal offence to have sex with a prostitute who is being controlled by a pimp (So freelance only? That could be dangerous.). The government was also stepping up action to tackle human trafficking in the run up to the 2012 Olympic Games, most of which will be hosted in London. "We're determined to ensure that, especially in the run-up to the Olympics, international criminal gangs don't trick and abduct women from abroad and sell them for sex in London." Okay, the cause is noble. Sure, prostitution is the oldest profession and in these economic times who am I to try and deprive these women of a source of income...but human trafficking & forced prostitution, not cool at all. Chemical castration comes to mind when I think of that. However, if I'm looking to make a purchase of...well, anything. I'd like to have a few commentaries of satisfied customers & those who felt they were ripped off. Whether it's for a television set, a hotel stay or temporary companionship. What am I gonna do? Ask her pimp? "Best f**k in town." "Really? Can I see some kind of certificate or money back guarantee?" "How about this? If you ask for your money-back, I guarantee I'll f**k you up." "Hmm, I think I'm going to shop around, Pepper Jack. Thank you for your time." It's not like you can ask for the Carfax or anything...so they provide a service...and for a legal operation. I fail to see the problem with that. However, there is one problem in all this. Why are they asking the Governator to do it for them? And honestly, I don't care if he does it to me even...but I want to see him snap on somebody who brings up his acting career in a political format. "Leesen you moron. It was a falking moovie. I am a MAN. I have my own mind. I am not some robot sent from da foooture. In fact, it's quite rideeculous that I haave to tell you that. IT'S A MOOVIE!!! AAAAaaarrraaagh..." and that would be awesome. Alas, we'll just have to wait until he starts campaigning in about a year on the Republican ticket. Let's face it. He's pretty much the most respectable candidate in the party...and that's saying a lot for a womanizing, Hitler-admiring bodybuilder-turned-action movie star who married into the Kennedys and hasn't looked back. That being said, I'd REALLY like to see him & Obama get into a debate. And my imagination wanders...

Anyway, that'll do it for today. Tomorrow I'm heading to the Fortress of Solitude to hang with my mom & my niece & nephew so that should be fun & relaxing, right? We shall see. Also, being my brother's only friend, he's been bugging me to "hang out" which basically means watching him play video games while I'm bored out of my f**king mind. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

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