A Wonderful Love Story- - - Yet Another Love Story

Today…. I need to forget my past and I have to begin with my new life….

For the past three years I have been arguing with my dad for this. Last month I was out of words to argue and finally left out with only one option……

MARRIAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My dad sent his photo and many times tried to tell about him to me but I didn listen anything. I know only his name, the name which I hate the most. So I don’t want to know anything more about him and have not seen my dad’s son in law yet.

As we both were busy with our work our parents decided to have the engagement ,day before the marriage. But today morning only he came.

‘ Harini, its getting late ’

‘Ya mom, I am coming !!!!’

My mom is very excited about my marriage. But I neither have interest nor faith in these stuffs. Whatever it is , I need to forget my past love. I know , its really hard to do that!

I entered in to the marriage hall, everyone was watching me and I was a bit nervous. Within few minutes, my Ms will be transformed to Mrs. I climbed up the podium and sat beside my future partner. He was telling mantra, I too joined him. He too never made an attempt to talk with me till now. May be he too not interested in marriage or doesn he like me????

My dad, who is responsible for this disaster, was standing near me with a broad smile. My sister was giggling and teasing me to see him. I too felt that its time to face the fact. Atleast once before marriage, I want to see him.

I turned slowly…….

OMG!!!!!

Its him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the one, whom I want to forget and the one, whom I don’t want to see in my entire life …

Ya, its HIM!!!.

I still do remember what i said to him when we broke up.... ' I never want to see you again Gautham.I hate you the most.Bye!!'

Those words r still echoing in my mind.

Before i realise what is happening around me he tied an yellow thread around my neck(what we say 'thaali'in tamil custom) putting three knots to it.Its like fastening rope around my neck for suicide.I wanted to yell, "what the hell is happening??".

I couldn't believe my own fate. I'm getting married to the guy I hate the most.I'm helpless and i couldn't stop.Instead, I just glanced him with eyes filled with regret.

After three years our eyes met, but not with the love this time.

I want to scream,i want to beat him and my dad.But its my fault when i came to know his name itself i should have enquired about him.fool.Now its too late to realize that.I am his wife now. What is done cant be undone!

I dont know what happened after that.I stood there like a dead soul.All the formalities are over and we were sent to our home as a part of our custom.

Later that night,i was waiting in the room for his arrival.I have to ask so many questions to him.So many things are going in my mind.Atlast....He came and sat near me.I dont know where to start. I was fumbling for words.

Before i could start,he told 'I didn marry you whole heartedly.My dad compelled me to do this.'

'Why... you dont have sense?? can't you say to him that you didn like me????' I shouted back.

'Yeah I said, but he didn listen.My grandmother is very sick.Before she dies, she wants to see my marriage'.

'For that ,you killed me!!!'

'You would have said to your parents,right?'He replied with anger.

'Today only i saw you,Otherwise i would have never agreed'.

'You want me to believe this??'

'Oh...then , you think i have married you to love and care you.'

We both are fighing with each other hysterically.

Finally he said,'Ok, whatever leave it.Its all over,wait for some time after that we will get divorce.Then its our choice to choose our path.No one will question us '

'Are you kidding Gautham??I agreed for this marriage for my parent's happiness only. I cant let them down.'

'But we dont have any other choice. Do you understand that?'

Yes, he is right. We both are dumped into it inspite of our hatred. Yet this is not an appropriate time to decide anyting.

I asked, 'Ok, what you want me to do now?'

'Let's give it a break. We will decide about this later'.He added,'tomorrow we are moving to my home,i put only two days leave for this'

'Ur home?'I enquired.

'Yeah..My parents wont be there. We will be alone only and you can live your life as per your wish'.

I felt relieved.

'And now,I feel tired,i am gonna sleep,good night!' he told and put the pillow between us and slept.I too slept peacefully...

Next morning, I got ready to go with him. But my dad and mom want us to stay back for some more days.

‘Don’t argue with him like you do with us. Try to adjust with him whatever he does.’ My mom started advising me.

And he was busy talking with my dad telling that he would take care of me.. blah.. blah....He was literally bluffing. Then we started to his place.

After 10 hours of travel we reached his home. It was clean and well maintained. I took separate room for me and arranged all my things.

‘So when you are going back to your office’ he asked happily.

‘I got transfer to this place, they asked me to join after one week but I am joining tomorrow itself’

‘ That’s fine, you can use anything in this home but don’t come to my room and don’t interfere in my personal life ’

He was irritating me. I gave him a dirty look and went to my room.

This is how our life started!!.............

One week passed. Both of us never attempted to begin a conversation, even a formal one. We were engaged with our own works. I felt like living in an alien world.

One day...

I was watching TV, he returned from office and sat in another sofa.

‘Hey I need to talk with you’ he told politely. I glanced him up. He continued ‘My colleagues are asking for treat as they didn’t come for our marriage, I too agreed, so tomorrow evening they are coming here’.

‘Okay, but why are you saying this to me. You give treat or whatever you want’ I said with irritating voice.

‘I know that, see they are coming for us. They don’t know about us. So just act like my wife tomorrow, ok? ’ he replied with anger

‘They are your friends, your treat, in your home, don’t ask me to do anything in this’ I replied and went back to my room. I know he won’t ask me again.

Next day, I couldn’t concentrate on my work. I felt very bad for turning down his request. Though I hate him, I don’t want him to get insult in front of others. I informed my colleague Shalini (my only friend in office, as of now) and left the office.

I reached home. He opened the door and grinned at me. I avoided his gaze and went inside. He already prepared some dishes for dinner, I too helped him.

‘Many handsome guys will be coming here, you can pick anyone you want.’ he started to irritate me.

‘If you talk more, I will leave from here’ I said angrily.

‘I don’t want your presence here, I know to manage.’

‘Yeah it’s my fault, I should have stayed back in office itself. You will never understand one’s concern.’

‘Who wants your care and concern, just go back to office, I……’ He was about to begin a fight.

Door bell interrupted us. We stared at each other then he went to open the door.

His friends started to come. I invited them. He introduced me to everyone, all enjoyed the food and started to chat with him. Some people told me about him but, they were not aware that I know him completely…

After 3-4hrs party, house was totally messed up, so we started cleaning it.

‘Didn’t you love anyone after college??’ I asked him.

‘No, I don’t want a girl’s company. They always find faults and never accept the reality….’

‘Enough!!!!’ I stopped him. Really I couldn’t control my anger. If I started to argue with him, then definitely I would be the loser.

Next day……

He was knocking at my room door, I couldn’t even get up from bed. My body was aching badly.

‘Hey, have you seen knife in the kitchen’ he asked me.

I couldn’t open my eyes also, some how I managed to reply ’ It’s in the second shelf’. I told and turned back to bed.

‘You are not going to office?’ he asked immediately.

‘No, I am not feeling well, I need to take rest.’ I said

He moved to hall without asking further. I slept then.

After sometime my mobile rang,

‘Gautham calling…………….’

‘Hello?’I answered

‘Hey, I didn’t lock the home, you lock it and sleep.’

‘Hmmm ok... I will.’

‘So………………. Hmmmmmmmm……… how do you feel now??’

Is this Gautham I’m talking with? I couldn’t believe my ears.

‘Now better!’ I replied in a low voice.

‘I cooked more food today, I don’t want it to get wasted, so eat that food,if you want’.

He never showed his love or care directly. Such an idiot he is!!

‘Ok, I will eat’ I said hiding my smile.

‘OK bye’ he kept the phone…

Then came the rainy season…

It was pouring everywhere heavily. I was standing in the bus stand, it was already late for office and I missed my bus. I was not sure when the next bus was.

A car came and stopped in front of me. I know it’s his car, but I pretended like I didn’t notice him. My phone rang and it was him.

‘Hello’ I said.

‘Come and get in to the car, you won’t get the bus now, also it’s raining heavily’ He said in soft voice.

‘Its ok, I will go by auto.’

‘If you want… come, else I will go.’

I too didn’t see any auto till now, so I decided to get into the car.Then only I noticed a girl was sitting with him.

‘Thanks’ I said. But he didn’t reply, he just started the car.

I reached office. After having seen a girl with him, how can I concentrate on my work. But I was too proud to ask him about that. But finally I gave up and I texted him.

‘ Hi.. I will go to home soon today and I forget to bring the keys with me, so try to come soon.’

No reply from him.

‘U there?’

‘Can u reply??’

‘R u busy??’ Still no response.

I waited for few more minutes.

My mobile beeped. It’s him. With utter joy, I opened the msg. ‘Can’t u wait for 5 mins als…hmmm…I vl try 2 cum’

I don’t know where to start about this, so I replied like,‘Thanks! So have you reached your office??’

‘I think my office is just five blocks far from yours.’

‘Ok OK, how s ur gal friend???’

‘Gal frnd???’

‘Ya, the gal in ur car’

‘She s nt my gal frnd,my colleague. She too was standing in the rain,so I picked her up, like I did you.’

Like me!!!! What a guy he is ?? Will he give lift for all the gals standing in the rain???

‘Ok, just for fun I asked, Come home soon, Bye’ I ended the msg. I was angry to the core.

‘Harini' i turned back , it was shalini.'Is everything ok??’.

‘Yeah, just head ache’ I replied, but seriously I got head ache after I saw his msgs.

‘If you don’t mind….shall I ask you one thing,Harini?’

‘Yeah sure’ I know what she was about to ask.

‘Are you happy with your marriage life?? she asked hesitantly.

‘Sorry to ask this, But you joined office within two days of your marriage and also I have not seen you talking with him in office hours!!!’.

I too wanted to open up now to someone.I have been dumping everything into me.

‘No shalini, I am not happy with this marriage’

‘Did you love anyone??’

‘Yeah, I loved, but I hate him now’

‘Oh!!!! Then, try to forget your lover and start your life with Gautham, I think he will understand you. ’

After I heard this, I don’t know whether I should laugh or cry, ' Shalini, I loved this Gautham only in my college days………….’

I went down the memory lane as I told everything to Shalini…..

I was the only child for my parents. When I was 7 year old,they had put me in hostel as they were busy with their work and was getting transfer often. They used to call and talk with me for ten minutes tat too only in weekend, for that I used to wait for the whole week.

If I was so happy, got first rank, won prizes in competition or feel sad, I can’t share anything with them, even if I’m not well, my teacher only would take care of me.I grew up all lonely. Yearly once or twice I used to meet them.

I started to feel deserted and started getting nightmares.When the whole hostel was having a sound sleep,I used to sit alone and cry endlessly. Later I realised that it wont change anything in my life. To avoid being lonely, I started making new friends. Soon they too loved my company. But inside my heart always something was missing. For annual vacation, I used to be with my dad or with my mom. Very rarely I would be spending my time with both of them.

In school I had lots of friends. I was close with three friends Arjun, Arun and Gita. I enjoyed a lot and lot in school days.

My mom resigned her job as she was suffering from severe back pain and she stayed with my dad. After my final exam got over, I too moved to Chennai, where my dad was working. Staying with them, after 12 years made me very happy.I was enjoying every moment of it. So I decided to pursue my higher education in Chennai itself.Gita also joined with me and we took EEE as our dept.

In college within one week, I got good friends gang. I used to share everything with Gita only. In my gang most of the girls were new to city, so every weekend we used to hang out. Sometimes I would to go to hostel to do group study. In my class 13 girls and 30 boys. I was not close with any boys in my class.

I felt everything new in my college. Boys and girls are allowed to talk, so we could see pairs everywhere in campus. My most favorite place in college was basket ball ground, surrounded by big trees with yellow flowers, side of the ground filled with benches to see the match. If I am so happy or sad, I used to sit there. My best company for my loneliness.

College organized Intercollege culturals. Some seniors came and asked name for cultural volunteer and I gave my name and Gita’s, they said that there will be a meeting that evening in seminar hall.

We attended meeting, there were more crowd than I had anticipated , mostly from first year. Seniors started to announce our names and our corresponding work.

‘ K.Gita’ One senior announced her name in high pitch.
‘I am here’ She raised her hand. They had put her under chart work, that is decorating our college. Actually, I wanted that task as I was interested in drawing.

‘You also join with me, you wanted this work only, right?’ She asked me.

‘Ya, but you go, we can’t talk with seniors as we are new to this.’ I replied.

After ten minutes they called my name ‘ Harini’, ‘Yes’ I came forward. Then they continued ‘Gautham’ .Hall was silent and nobody turned out.

‘M.Gautham, IT department, First year’, A guy came front and said ‘ Gautham is not feeling well, he will come tomorrow only ’.

‘Ok, your work is to invite other colleges and you have to join with Gautham ’ One senior said pointing at me.

“With Gautham? I have not yet seen him also” I thought.

‘Hey, Official dating!!!That too college itself sending you guys out, so when is the treat?? ’ Gita started teasing me.

‘Stop it de!! I am not going to do this’

‘Why?’

‘Our friends will tease me Gita’

‘I will take care of it’. She convinced me somehow. But going out with a new guy appeared odd as I don’t know what type of guy he is.

‘Guys, please listen here’ one senior shouted to control our noise,’ Tomorrow evening after college over, assemble here, we need to discuss about our work, now you can leave.’

Next day…..

We came to meeting, I was waiting for him, and Gita was talking to her group. Two guys were arguing at my back, I turned to listen to them.

‘I can’t do this, change my work’ the tall one was shouting.

‘All are allocated with their work, I can’t change now, If you don’t like to be here, get some other boy to do this’ The senior who was announcing our name yesterday replied harshly and went.

That boy turned and saw me, He was tall, moderate color, Very sharp eyes with thick eyebrows, fully shaved, neither lean nor fat.

He came near me, ‘Are you Harini ? ’ He asked.

‘Yeah, You?’

‘I am Gautham’ He said and went near the boy’s gang.

‘Hey he is looking good’ Gita whispered in my ears. Actually, she was right.

‘Yeah, but I think he doesn’t like my company, He was arguing with our seniors.’

Seniors asked us to stand in groups, so I stood with Gautham. They told that we need to send emails to some college and to some colleges we need to go in person. I could say that Gautham was not feeling comfortable with me.

Some days passed, we used to sit together after college and send mails. If he ever spoke anything,words about our work only will come.So I started the conversation.

‘Can you take those papers?’ He asked me.

I gave the papers to him and asked, ‘Why you are not talking with me? ’

‘I talked with you now also.’

‘About this paper? I am asking something friendly’ I said very politely.

‘I am sorry, I did my schooling in boy’s school, so I didn’t get chance to talk with girls, this is the first time I am working with one girl.’

‘Oh, ok, I thought you are not comfortable with me.’

‘No, not like that, my friends also will tease, if they find me talking with you’ He said with smiling face. He is so smart when he smiles.

We started our work. From then we used to talk about our family, friends and our interest.

‘I think everything is going fine between you guys’ Gita started her teasing, while we were in class.

‘Nothing like that’

‘I am daily seeing you guys chatting in that computer lab ’

‘Some times we talk, not always. ’

‘What he will talk about?’

‘Mostly about cricket, he is the only son for his parents, he is staying in hostel football player, he likes his friends.’

‘Does he love anyone?’

‘I don’t know’

‘Are you not interested to know it?’

‘No!!’

That day evening... He came before me.‘Hi’ I said with smiling

‘Hi’

‘You are so early today’

‘Shall I ask you one thing?’

‘Hmmm do you have girl friend?’

He laughed and said‘ No, I don’t have, I don’t like commitments, why asking suddenly?’

‘Just asked’ I said and turned my face to see computer.

‘Ok, tomorrow we are going to other colleges to give invitation. I asked permission to my class co-ordinator, you ask soon and I need your mobile number’

I gave my mobile number.

Next day…

We got permission letter from principal and about to leave the college.

‘Hey Gautham’ One boy voice called him.

He jerked and asked that boy ‘What are you doing here?’. Then they talked with each other for some time, I was standing away from them.But I can hear some thing. He was teasing me with Gautham.

‘Harini’ Gautham called me. I went near to them. He introduced me to that boy named Rohan, his best friend.

We went to many colleges to give invitation, Each trip made us to close with each other. In bus, he wont sit near me, even if there was place near me. In starting days, we used to msg only ‘Good morning’ and ‘Good night’ with smileys. But as days passed, we started to msg from’ Good morning’ and end our msgs with ‘Good night’.

Culturals was over finally and then came the exam fever. Some subject between me and him were same. So I used to study that with him and remaining with my friends. As we couldn’t meet after cultural, he used to call me after college.

I began to share everything with him, like what I had done from morning till evening. Whatever I say he would listen slowly.

We used to meet during lunch time. I like him when he talk by seeing my eyes and I cant lie if I see his mesmerizing eyes. Even we became very close friends, he used to ask me sorry, if he touch me by mistake. The best thing I like in him is he always give respect to girls. I started to ask decision to him and will do what he says. I never felt my loneliness when I was with him.

Within two years, He became my personal diary…………

The thing which I don’t like is even if he did any mistake, he never apologizes for it. I advised him to give up his smoking habit but he never listened to my words. If we fought with each other, its me, who will talk first. But still, in his absence I felt my life empty. In class hours also we started to msg. We used to talk with each other the whole night and would sleep in class. If he was talking to me, most of the time I would see him than listening to his words. Slowly he was filling my life. I stored his number as sweetheart.

     During lunch, I was waiting to say one important thing to him, at last he came and sat near me, I shared my lunch with him.

         ‘You said you want to say something’ He asked.

         ‘Hmmm, do you know Sanjay?’

          ‘Yeah. I know. Your class only, right?’

          ‘Yes, what do you think about him?’

          ‘Huh, he is a nice guy, studious. Hey Harini , I don’t know more about him, Why asking about him now?’

          ‘He proposed me yesterday night!!’ I said in low voice.

           I couldn’t see his sharp eyes. ’When?’

         ‘Yesterday night, after my dinner he called me and told everything’.                  

         ‘Then, why you didn’t say to me about this last night, we were talking till 3, right?’

            ‘I thought of saying to you in person. What should I say to him?’

            He became so angry. For the first time, I saw him like that but he somehow managed to control and told, ’So you didn’t say anything to him till now. See if you like him say yes. I am going to class .Its already late, eat soon and come with me.’

       ‘You tell me what should I do, then I will eat’ I said fixing my sight some where else.

        He stared at me for some time and moved the lunch box near me,’ Say no to him, even if you like him and don’t talk with him.’

          I couldn’t control my smile, He looks so good if he get angry. That weekend his birthday, I bought white color full sleeves shirt for him. I like boys, if they wear white color shirt with light blue jeans and I wanted to see him in that. I asked him to spend that whole day with me.

         On his birthday….. In morning itself I gave the gift, he wore it and came with me. He was looking good day by day to my eyes. Actually that is our first date. We went to temple then had lunch together and saw movie. Evening we went to beach and played there. We sat in seashore. He was sitting near me, I felt something strange inside me, I wanted to lay on his shoulder. I could feel his warmth by sitting near him itself. I wanted to be in that for my entire life. I was dreaming on and on.

          ‘Harini’

          ‘Hey Harini?’

         ‘ What happened to you? Are you alright?’

        I came to the world and answered him.

         ‘ Yeah, I am alright’

        ‘Its late, shall we make a move?’

       ‘Ok, I will get auto from here, You go to hostel’ I said and started to walk. He came silently behind me. When I was about to get an auto,’ Harini, can I come with you till your home?’He asked with his lovely eyes. How can I say no to him! We got bus from there. After some time I got place to sit and one place near me was empty. He was standing as usual but often he was seeing me, in next stop one boy got in to bus and sat near me.

          ‘Excuse me’ Gautham patted that guy on shoulder and asked ’ Can you please sit here , I want to talk with her’. That boy got up and sat in another seat. Finally, he sat near me.

      He told me to get down in previous stop, from there we walked together, the road was empty, dark and wet. We didn’t talk but our silence was talking with each other. “Will he think wrong if I hold his hand? Or if I walk closely with him? Why now a days he is looking good to my eyes? “ the thoughts were flooding into my mind. I was praying to god that the road shouldn’t end but before my prayer got over, we came near my home and we stopped. I had no heart to bid him bye and was standing there saying nothing. He too didn’t say anything .I don’t know for how much time we were like that. Then he started to walk away from me without any words. I saw him walking and I was sure about one thing that we are no more friends.

        We got holidays for four days and he went to his native. Our class boys organized mini trip to mahabalipuarm , Small tourist place near Chennai. We planned to go on Sunday. Saturday night I called Gautham to say about this.

     He picked the phone with in two rings and said ‘Hello’.

     ‘Hello, what are you doing there?’

     ‘Just now had dinner with my parents, now in terrace, Did you have your dinner?’

     ‘No, after some time, Hey we planned to go to mahabalipuram’

      ‘Oh that’s good, But come to home soon and keep messaging me’

      ‘hmmm sure, You know what, My whole class is going together  for the first time’

      ‘Class? You are not going with your friends?’

      ‘No, My class boys are also coming.’

      ‘Who put this plan? Why suddenly?’

      ‘Sanjay only put this plan, Next year we will busy with our project work, right?’

      ‘ No need to go Harini, I asked you to stop talking with Sanjay, but you are still talking with him.’

     ‘I am not talking, he asked all girls to come, not only me, Gautham he forgot everything. Need not worry!’

 ‘Did he say that he is thinking you as sister? What the hell you are doing? Can’t  you stay in home for one weekend also’ He shouted like anything.

  ‘Why you are talking like this Gautham, My intention is not to roam around, Whole class is going, you want me to stay in home? If your class going will you be like this?’

   ‘I don’t like you going there, then its your wish.’

   ‘I am not going, Ok, I am not in the mood to talk now, bye’ I cut the phone. But he keep on calling me, I Switched off my cell and slept.

  ‘Harini’ some familiar voice called me, I got up ,it was Gita. ’I am calling you from yesterday night, why your mobile is in switch off.’

  ‘No charge’

  ‘Ok get ready soon, Gautham called me yesterday, He also coming with us’

  ‘Gautham? But he is in his native. Yesterday night only I spoke with him’

 ‘I don’t know , He said like that only, you call him and ask’ She said and went to hall to talk with my mom. I called him immediately. He picked the phone, ’Why you are calling now?’ He asked.

    ‘I am not going, right? Then why you are coming here? Are you doubting me?’

     ‘Why you are talking like this? You said you guys going for first time, I don’t want to spoil that and I don’t like you going with him so only I am coming, don’t worry I wont be with you, you enjoy, I will be with Karthick’s gang’

  ‘When did you get in to the bus?’

  ‘I tried to call you for a long time, but you didn’t attend, so after two hours I said to my parents that Rohan met with an accident and I am going to meet him’ He told. I got convinced. Then we went to trip, most of the time, we were looking at each other.

      Our college orgainised national level conference, all colleges participated. I was assigned to registration work and I was wearing maroon color saree. I was waiting for Gautham to see me. In this 20 years, I have never thought that I should look beautiful for someone’s eyes, but for the first time I wish that I should look beautiful to him. My eyes were searching for him, I was keep on messaging him like where he is? And  What he is doing? But no reply from him, I got angry and stopped to msg him.

       After some time he came and stood near me but he didn’t  talk with me. He kept on walking around my place. He was continuously seeing me. I tried to not see him. Then he came near me,’ Hi, Now only I saw the msgs’. I didn’t reply to him. I was maintaining silence. ‘Why you are not talking with me’, ‘ Listen to me’. He was keep on talking but I didn’t talk single word also. I like when he begs me because it wont occur often. Then he sat opposite to me and started to text me,

       ‘Cant you talk with me?

       ‘Don’t do too much’

       ‘ Really I saw now only, I was busy with my work, reply me ’

       ‘Don’t make me angry’      

        ‘ Hey, You wont see me also? ’

        ‘Come and sit with me’

      ‘I will do anything for you, Ok? Now reply to my msgs’.  Now I got my chance to reply. I texted him back. He smiled and opened my msg ‘Will do anything??’I asked and he replied back .

       ‘Yeah…off course!’

       ‘This weekend we are going to animation movie’ I texted back. I like animation movies a lot but He doesn’t, always will see action films.

      ‘Hmmm ok’

      ‘Then stop smoking and drinking also.’

       ‘Hmmm I will try.’

        ‘Just say yes or no.’

        ‘ I will surely try to quit’. Its hard only to stop it suddenly ,so I didn’t compel him more on that. I was convinced and smiled at him. After that he went to continue his work, I too got busy with mine.

         At one point only I noticed my hand, my gold bracelet was missing.I realised  when I went to restroom, to wash my hand I removed my bracelet there but I couldn’t remember whether I put it in my hand or not.So I rushed there and asked all the workers. My friends were also searching everywhere. But no clue about that.I started to cry, all my friends were consoling me, he too came there but I was crying only. I couldn’t bear the loss because its my dad’s gift for my birthday. I love that bracelet.He was standing near me without saying anything.

            Function was over, then I went to hostel to refresh, my friends were consoling me, ‘Harini, Gautham is on line’, Gita gave her mobile to me.

          ‘Hmmm say’ I answered him.

           ‘Are you going to stay there?’

           ‘No, I have to go to home.’

            ‘Then you start now, its already 7, when you are planning to reach your home?’He shouted.

‘Please Gautham, already I am not in good mood, don’t make me to get angry.’

‘Ok , You come out, I will drop you’

‘I will go by myself’

‘I am waiting down, bye’ he cut the phone.I informed my friends and I left.He was standing near the hostel.I crossed him without even looking at him. He followed behind me.

   ‘Harini’ He called me when we were near to basket ball ground. I turned to see him.

   ‘Can you sit here for sometime’ He pointed to one bench and said. I sat with him.

   ‘This is the first time I am seeing you crying like this, you will get it back soon’ I nodded my head and started to cry again. He saw me and held my hands for the first time. I leaned over his shoulder. I felt like this was the moment I was longing for. My tears made his shirt wet. We were like that for long time then he broke our silence. ’What I have to do to make my Harini to smile?’ He laid his head on my head and said. I didn’t utter a word. ‘Don’t cry for anything, I will give more than what you wanted’ I laughed and asked ’In which movie you got this dialogue? ’

‘Hey this is my original dialogue, I Prepared for you’ He said in lovely voice then, he took my hand and put one silver bracelet.

‘Do you like it?’ He asked me holding my hands

‘What is this Gautham, Why you bought this?’

‘I cant replace it, but for time being have it, after I get my first salary I will buy and give the same bracelet’ I was speechless, I felt like hugging him. He was holding my hand tightly and he said ‘You looked so beautiful today’. First compliment from him, In shyness I hid my face on his shoulder.

    Why should I cry for something, when I have everything in my hand.

I wanted his warmth, care and love till the end of my life. I was dying to spend every second with him. I want him to be with me in my every ups and downs. Its like in my world he is the only person. He is the person who loves me for what I am. Whatever I do he likes me. Though he wont express anything to me,I could feel how much he wants me with him. I felt like I have born to love him. I don’t know whether he loves me or not but I’m completely in love with him,madly..badly..deeply!!

           I told about my love to Gita.

               ‘I know, you will fall for him one day’ She  giggled.

                ‘ Shall I say to him?’ I asked.

                ‘ What if he didn’t accept you?’

                 ‘What happened to you? In starting itself you are saying like this.’

                ‘ Hey Harini he loves and cares you a lot but we cant conclude that this is love.’

                ‘Ok..What do you want me to do now?

                ‘ Wait till our college gets over. You guys get job first then you say to him, Don’t hurry up this’

                 ‘Hmm ok Gita, Will he love me?’

                  ‘You are good match for him, surely he will accept you. In mean time, try to know whether he is seeing you as friend or as life partner’

            What she said was true only, I agreed with her and hid my love from him.

         He started to care me more, he always thinks about my safety for that we used to fight a lot.He became more possesive on me, even if I talk to any boys his face reaction would change.

          In final year, I was totally under his control. Time was not enough for me to love him. So after college we used to hang out and go to home after 8 only. I said to my mom that I am preparing for campus interview with Gita, so she wont ask anything. He took home with his friends so daily he will drop me near my home. My school friends and college friends started to ask me whether I forgot them because he became the only person I texted and talked. He don’t like if I talk about other boys. If we hang out he would get my cell and have it in his pocket because he doesn’t like, if I msg to anyone while I was with him.

         My class co-ordinator put me and sanjay as in charge for placement, so most of the time I have to be with Sanjay in college. Sanjay tried to talk with me about his love interest on me but I would change the topic. But at one point of time I said to him about my love on Gautham because I don’t want to hurt him. Sanjay is very good boy and I have not seen him flirting with other girls.

     Gautham doesn’t like as I was with Sanjay. He asked me to drop this work but i didn’t listen to him. I talked and tried to console him about this matter, he would agree at that time but after sometime again will start this matter.

          Our love on each other increased rapidly, so as the fight between us. If possessiveness and expectation get increased then it would result in fight only. Even if he starts the fight I will be the first one to cut the phone and switch it off. He argued mostly because of his possessiveness. He cant control it. We started to argue for everything but what ever it is he will finish it in happy note before we go to bed. Even he was in peak of anger, if I cry he would melt like ice and start to console me. In beginning, I cried to make him to stop the fight but as days passed, I cried really. His possessiveness overcame his care on me.

     My friends planned to go to mall, they asked me to come. I texted Gautham about this, he called me immediately.

           ‘When you are going?’ He asked me.

           ‘Today evening.’

           ‘ When you will be returning?’

           ‘I don’t know the time, they just said the plan’

          ‘All your friends coming with you?’

       ‘Yes’

       ‘Ok then go, but come before 8’

       ‘ Are you playing? Evening oly we are going how can I come to home that much soon?’

      ‘Then you guys go soon to mall.’

      ‘Do you want to change the whole plan for me? I cant do this.’

       ‘Why you are always doing like Harini? Am i asking you not to go? I am saying don’t be late. Come home soon, What’s wrong in that?’

        ‘Everybody will be with me, don’t worry about my safety. ’

         ‘Don’t talk like you know everything Harini! If you want to spend time with them go in morning itself, why always going in night?’

         ‘Don’t treat me like child, ok, I know what I am doing, Stop your advice, I will come at 10 only.’

         ‘If you can come at least before 8:30 , you go or don’t go . ’

         ‘9:00?’

         ‘8:30’

         ‘Ok , I will try’

         ‘I will call you at 8:30, You should be in home’

          ‘ You will never allow me to do anything happily?’

           ‘Yeah I don’t like if you are happy! You will never understand what I am saying Harini. Its not safe, you enjoy full night, if I am with you.’

           ‘For everything you say this, you spoiled my mood, bye’ I cut the phone.

     I know if I am with him nothing will happen to me but its my ego, which never, to accept the fact. I want to be independent, as I lived in hostel no one will question what I am doing or order me what I should do. From childhood, I grew up like this so I felt difficult to change suddenly.

           Then I went to mall and enjoyed with my friends and started from there as soon as possible so that I  would be there in home at 8:30, but my fate played there. It was full traffic jam. He called me and asked where I was and cut the phone. Before I reach, he called me more than ten times. After I reach home, my mom started to talk something about her relative. I sat with her then went to my room, my inbox was flooded with his msgs and missed calls. I called him immediately.

   ‘Gautham, I reached home.’

    ‘Ok refresh and talk.’

    ‘Are you angry on me?’

    ‘You refresh and talk’

    ‘Please Gautham, talk now.’

    ‘ Cant you even msg me that you reached.’

    ‘My mom was talking with me’

   ‘Will it take two mins to type the msg? Don’t look for reasons Harini. Ok whatever,you refresh and talk.’ He cut the phone. Next day was my birthday, I don’t want to start my birthday by fighting with him. So I refreshed soon and called him.

     ‘Hmm say’ He told.

     ‘Still angry on me?’

      ‘Can you talk something else?’

      ‘ Had your dinner?’

      ‘Hmmm ya’ He said. For everything he answered in one word. Time was nearly 11. I need to finish this fight with in one hour. So I started ‘ If you are angry just scold me but don’t talk like this. Its hurting’

   ‘What do you want me to say? I am only spoiling your happiness’

   ‘Please Gautham don’t take things seriously if I say in anything in anger’

  ‘Why you wont take the things seriously and  fight with me?’

   ‘Oh! You will do what ever I do? Tit for tat?’

 ‘You are really crazy Harini, you never understand what I am saying always take it in your own way ’

  ‘ Always blaming me only for everything.’ We started to fight on and on,one leading to the order.Near 12, he cut the phone in peak of anger. I threw my phone. But within five mins I picked the parts and switched on my cell and waited for his call. I wanted him to call me first. I don’t want to miss his call, I kept the cell inside my hand and waiting to see his name on my cell. Each second moved like hell. I can wait for the entire life for his call but not this time. At 12,all my friends called me and wished. But I was longing for his wish only. Tears were wetting my pillow but no response from him. My ego doesn’t allow me to call him. Five mins once I saw my cell. I don’t know when I slept and got up at morning. Saw my cell immediately,2 missed calls from him and one msg. “ Sorry Harini, I was trying to call you but at 3 only I got the line, but you didn’t attend, I think you slept. Seriously I didn’t do this with any intention. Happy birthday my dear.”

            But I was not happy. The moment has gone. The moment that I was waiting for. I can understand the fact that why he couldn’t call me but my expectation was so large to suppress that. If we waited for one thing to happen at a special moment  and that didn’t  go that way, then its of  no use even if  it happens more better some other time.

I couldn’t tolerate this pain and  my heart was fully broken.. Slowly I started to realize that the magic between us is broken.Each day was  getting worser than the other. I was too much worried what would happen if it continues like this.

 Before I did realize what way this  lead to, that day came……………….

Final year , the worst year in my life. Day by day our fight kept on increasing. I deleted my orkut account.I was saying everything to Gita. As our campus interview was near, she asked me to concentrate on that. I was engaged in project and placement work, so I couldn’t talk with him properly, sometimes I cant give company to him for lunch. But whatever work, he always had time for me. I don’t want to hurt Gautham by saying like coming late to home, talking with Sanjay, hanging out with friends, not spending time with him more than what he expected. So I started lying to him. But I felt very guilty to do that,still it atleast reduced the fight happening between us.

       Sanjay became my good friend.  He is so friendly . I always talked about Gautham only to him.  I never told about my fight with Gautham because of him.  I asked Sanjay not to say about our friendship to anyone. I hid my friendship with Sanjay from Gautham. But as we were together in placement more rumours started to spread in college that we are in love. But I didn’t even mind that  because my Gautham was believing me and that’s enough for me. Still he was so angry about this, he doesn’t want to hear anything wrong about me and always advised me not to talk with him. By god’s sake placement got over soon and we got placed in good MNC’s. Then final exam .We started to prepare for that. Project review also got over. But unfortunately my dad was transferred to Mysore. He went there before us and told us to come there after my exams got over. So my mom booked tickets the next day to my final exam. I planned to say my love to Gautham on my last day of our college.

        Afternoon 2 to 5 was our exam. I choose beach to say my love to him because that is where I found my love on him first time. I said to him to meet  me after exam. I gave one gift(watch) to him and asked to open after some time and we caught train and it was crowded,  after some station I got place to sit, Gautham was standing some what away from me. Sanjay texted me and I started to  chat in mobile with him. As Gautham was away from me he didn’t notice that. Sanjay knows that I am going to propose Gautham.So he was encoraging and advising me.

     We reached beach and sat in the same place. This was the moment I was longing since I found I have fallen in love with him. I didn’t prepare anything anyway even if I prepare it wont work. I never thought what if rejects me or if he ends our friendship. The only thing I was thinking is I need to say my love and everything which I have been hidding  from him so far . It may be a wrong decision but  I need to say it today.Next day early morning train for me to mysore. I don’t want to carry this love with me alone, I want to share it with him. My heart was beating very fast.I felt very nervous to say the three words and my mind was fully filled with the memories of days we were together.

         ‘ Whom you were msging in train’ He interrupted. ” I always lied to him in phone but not to his eyes. But if I lie to him now then everthing will be fine. My last lie to him.Is that right? No… I don’t want to start this relationship with a lie. “ I thought.

      ‘Its Sanjay ’ I murmured.

       ‘I didn’t  hear it, say properly’ his tone was rude. I know he heard what I said.

        I raised my tone‘ Sanjay.’ He was silent. I can feel his temper. I was speechless. The mistake is mine so I don’t want to argue with him . I waited for him to speak.  But he didn’t tell a word after that.

    ‘I am sorry Gautham.’ I apologised but I know this is not enough. He  was still silent. I heard a beep sound from my mobile, before I saw the mobile, Gautham plucked it from me. He opened the msg. He went to peak of anger after seeing that msg. He handed the mobile to me. My fate played there. It was Sanjay.

      “   Sorry Harini, I got some work yaar so only I couldn’t reply yo. Ok you continue da. Dont worry dear. Everything will be fine. Msg me after you come to home.Waiting for ur msg. ” The end of my life.I was worrying how I will say my love to Gautham. So only he msged like this but this is the first time he is msging with dear. He knows that I wont like if anyone calls me dear or anything of that kind other than Gautham.But I don’t know why he messaged me like this but that is not important now I want to talk with Gautham about this.  I saw Gautham but he turned his face. He got up and started to walk away from me. I too got up and started to walk behind him.

    ‘ Gautham please listen to me. Come and sit with me for 5 mins I will explain everything to you’ I requested him but he never listened me. He kept on walking.

   I held his hand, ‘Please Gautham, I am really sorry .’ He took off my hands.

   ‘What do you want me to listen? You talk with anyone, I am not going to care.’ He shouted.

    ‘ Sorry, what ever it is we  can sit and talk, everyone is seeing us ’

    ‘I am not caring about others Harini. You enjoy with him. He became more close and important to you than me. You are allowing him to put “dear”and all. I dono still for what and all you allowed him.’

     ‘Why you are talking this much mean?  You are doubting me with him?’

      ‘I cant make you to understand anything Harini. I mean in msgs. You always think in wrong way only, You did the mistake and you are shouting at me now.’

     ‘ Ok sorry Gautham leave it. We will sit and talk. I don’t want to ruin this’

     ‘ Ruin what? Your friendship with him? Huh… how many times I told you to stop talking with him, have you ever listened to my words? always arguing…You said you are not talking with him. How many days you lied to me? But he is messaging like this, With out …………………….. ’ He shouted. Everyone was watching us. We came to the end of road. Eventhough the mistake was mine I cant reduce my voice even because his words were too hard to hear.

    ‘You always wanted to end the fight with happy mood, so for you only I will smile at end the conversation. But you never thought about me and how I was, after the fight. Daily I used to cry only. In anger you will pour more harsh words but I have to forget everything and have to start the next day by talking with you normally. I cant do that and if I say to you also you wont listen. I  have undergone more stress because of our fight, to reduce that only I hid everything from you. Today only he messaged like that. He knows that I don’t like this kind of msgs .’

     ‘ You are talking well.  Have you ever said about this problem to me? Don’t judge me. I want you to sleep happily that’s why I always asked you to leave the fight and talk something else. If you say only I can understand the problem but you never said to me anything. You ruined my trust in you. Mistake is yours don’t blame me in this.’

  ‘ When you believed me Gautham? How many times you asked whether I’m talking with Sanjay or not. You believed mobile network than me. Its my mistake only I cared about you more than me. I thought about your happiness than mine. I am saying I was so stressed but you are not caring about that also.’

   ‘Yeah I asked many times because my friends used to say that you were talking with each other. But I will say to them that you are not talking. But what they said only is  true. I am mad. I believed you like a blind. I was useless. I quit.I think I am a disturbance between you guys. I am sorry. He is waiting for your msgs. Msg to him.’ He said very angrily and threw my gift and my phone away and started to walk.

     I couldn’t  hear those words, My Gautham saying that I am loving someone else?Tears were rolling in my cheeks, I couldn’t  believe that, so I asked him again ‘ Do you think… I……. a……am …. Lo.. loving him? Do you believe…….. what others saying is…….. true?  ’ I couldn’t  say that words also. But now I want to hear only one word from him “ NO”. If he says that I will even forget all the harsh words he poured on me. Please Gautham, turn back and say it my dear.

   He stopped to walk, he didn’t see my eyes, I was seeing his back.

       ‘ I also don’t want to believe that till now. But the way you are  behaving these days makes me to believe. Atleast be true to him.’ He said and walked. He didn’t turn back and he wont also.

        What I can do except crying, everyone was seeing me, but I cried like I was the only person in the world. Yeah I was alone only……………………….

I don’t know for how long I sat there like statue. I was crying on and on till my heart’s content.. After some time I collected my phone parts and put it together. Gita called me. Before she could start I asked, ‘Gita can you come to beach now? .’ She said ok and asked me to wait for ten mins.

        She came and picked me. She asked permission from my mom to stay wit her  tonight as this is my last night in Chennai. Mom also agreed for that. Gita told me to sit in her room and brought dinner for me. When she sat near me I lied on her lap and started to cry. I explained her everything. She switched off my mobile and consoled me but nothing fell in to my ears. She called Arjun and Arun to her home. I asked not to call them because they were angry on me and on Gautham because I didn’t talk with them properly after Gautham entered in my life. After some time they too came, scolded me and him. Asked me to forgot everything regarding him. What ever they say only his last words was ringing in to my ears “Atleast be true to him.”

       As early morning was the train I went to home. All came with me for send off but truly for my support. We got train. I was standing down with my friends they kept on saying to forget him but my eyes were searching for him out of my control. I know he wont show up and that was the last moment I waited for him…..

     Mysore,  the city for festivals. New home, new place and new people but nothing changed my past. I said everything to my mom in train itself as she saw me crying. But didn’t mention his name. She told me to cut all my friends contacts. I too felt that it will help me to recover from this. I threw away my sim card when I left Chennai. My room was filled with my unopened luggages. To eat only I used to go out of my room but sometime I would skip that also and pretend like I was sleeping. All my sleepless nights filled with tears. If I sleep also I would get nightmares and will wake up. No phone calls and msgs to attend. Mom said to dad that I was worrying about my friends as I came away from them.She spoke with me often and tried to get out of this. But nothing helped me. I used to sit near the window and stare for the whole day.

        My love on him slowly turned into hatred. My mom cared me more than before. If she  had cared me like this from my childhood I wouldn’t have felt loneliness and searched for love and I would not be like this. Whoever does the mistake, I was the sufferer. My health condition became poorer. I became anemic, to walk also I needed my mom’s help. Doctor told me to take only liquid food. His thoughts was killing me. My dad started to scold my mom as I was like this. Each day fight between them increased. Mom worried about me a lot.    

    Soon I started realizing that nothing will change by thinking about him.

 “Why should i feel for him? My beautiful life is ruined now because of him. Not only mine but my parents happiness also gone. I was giving pain to my parents only. But he will think that I am living a happy life with Sanjay. Four years I was with him but he didn’t believe me even a bit. Infront of strangers he talked bad about my character. He didn’t turn up also after that moment. But I am only suffering here. I started hate him like anything. I feel irritated if I see things which made me to think about him. My parents are with me and they are enough.”I decided.

      I got call letter from the company which I got selected by campus interview.  They gave work place as chennai and joining date after one and half month.

   One month passed, my health condition improved little bit. I started to talk with my parents like before atleast for their happiness. In these days I never tried to call anyone even to Gita. I want to forget everything. I packed my things and went to chennai again. I didn’t make any contact with my friends.

     But one day, Gautham came to my office to see me. I don’t want to see him also. He was waiting in reception. I called to reception and asked to give the phone to him.

   'Hello Harini '

    ‘Please I don’t want to talk with you. If you want me to live just go out of this place. I never want to see you again Gautham.I hate you the most.Bye.’ I cut the phone.

      I don’t want to be in that office anymore. I know about him, he will surely come back. On that day itself I went back to my home. I gave medical certificate that I have backpain and cant work. I resigned my job. The job for which I worked for four years.

   I searched for job in mysore. After two months I got job, but in delhi. Where ever it is I want to go. I cant sit here simply. I convinced my parents. 

      In Delhi, I stayed in working women hostel. I concentrated on my work only. If I feel bored I used to go out alone. Whenever I get his thought only his last words come to my mind. I didn’t make any friendship with anyone.I worked there for two years. Sometime I search for my phone to call my parents, the cell phone which once I never kept down.My dad was busy searching bridegroom for me. I rejected everyone. After a long fight ,my dad asked me to marry one person.That also I accepted for my parents’s wish. As I was not interested in that I didn’t ask about that person anything and that is Gautham…………………

So you dont know that you are going to marry Gautham?’ Shailini asked , who didn’t open her mouth till I finish my story.

  ‘No’

  ‘Are you guys talking normally now?’

  ‘No, most of the time we converse to argue only.’

  After a long pause,‘ Do you think mistake is on him only?’

 ‘No,mistake was mine too. I shouldn’t have hid it from him. But what he talked is wrong,tat too in front of all. He should have believed me.’

  She smiled and said,‘ What ever it is, You guys got married now. Have to forget evrything and start your new life with him.’

    ‘No, I cant. Mistake is on him. I cant apologise to him. As I married him,I cant do it. Till now he didn’t even bother to console me.Now also scolding me only’

  She smiled and went back to her cabin. How she told me to start a new life? Its not at all possible. I need to get divorce from him first.

          Mobile ringed. It was Gautham, but why he is calling me.

      ‘Hello’I answered.

      ‘ Where are you?’ He asked in rude  tone.

       ‘ In office only, where I will be at this time?’

       ‘Time is 6. You asked me to come earlier, I dropped my work and came for you, but you are still in office.What are  you thinking about me?’ He asked angrily. I checked my watch , yeah its 6. How long I have been telling the story. Today world war III is awaiting in home for me. I didn’t  finish my office work also.

   ‘Hmmmm Ok, Actually I cant come now, I have hell  lot of work to do. So hmmmmmm…. sorry’

   ‘Do you think I don’t have any job to do? You are really nuts. Its you who msged me. Within 30 mins you have to be here or I will come to your office and will ask you to give introduction to everyone. Then you have to act like my wife. Is that ok?’ He said normally.

   How dare he is? Warning me itself? I too will get chance to revenge him.He is still stubborn. ’Alright I will come‘.I said and came out of the office. Tomorrow have to come soon to finish the work.

    I entered home. He was eating chips and watching TV,I felt like beating him. Surely I will beat him oneday if he kept on does like this.

   ‘Hey, wanna eat something?’ He asked with smilling face. I went inside to my room.

   ‘What is your working hour?’He asked.

    ‘9 to 6’

    ‘Is there any night shift? Are  they providing cab?’He asked.Why this much caring suddenly?

 ‘No,night shift. Sometimes if work is more it may get late.Why asking ?’

  ‘Nothing, if you come late then everyone will say Gautham’s wife coming to home late. I am only responsible, right?’ He smirked.

  ‘Hey, what’s your problem now? Why are you talking like this? Have you drunk?’

 ‘No no….I am just saying the fact and I stopped my drinking and smoking habit too.’ He said in serious tone.

   He stopped what? Drinking?How he changed like this? But who cares if he drink or smoke? I don’t want to be with him.

  ‘You were talking about divorce na, When I will be getting that?’I asked him.

  ‘ Divorce??’He  smiled ‘My sister is  going to get married soon. If I get divorce now it will affect my family.’

   He married for his grandma and now for his sister I need to live with him for one year. No I cant do this!

  ‘I cant live with you for one year.’

  ‘I cant give now…. that’s all.’ He went to his room.

        One year!! I’m really scared as I am being close with him. Though I hate him compeletely there is a little part inside my heart still loving him and I don’t know how dominant it is. What happens if I fall for him again? No, I don’t want to repeat the mistake. I cant ask sorry to him but if I am with him surely one day my mind will change. Oh god, please I want to get divorce from him soon.

    ‘Hey’ He interrupted

    ‘What’

     ‘I forgot to buy groceries for cooking.  So I am going to eat outside.’

     ‘Ok, bye.’

     ‘What you going to do?’

     ‘ I am not hungry.’ But actually I was hungry. Because of this idiot only I didn’t eat my lunch also. How stubborn he is? He cant ask me to come for dinner? But why should he ask me? Who am I to him? I shouldn’t expect all these from him. Am I changing? No, I am not. Being hungry is better than being with him.

   ‘I know about you.  You will get up in midnight and ask for food. Come now. I will be waiting in the car.’ He said and went.

    Has he ever given me an option? Always ordering me. Because of this character only he didn’t get any girl friend for three years. But for this character only I fell for him. Some one has to teach him how to speak politely.

   I got ready and went near the car. I opened back door.

   ‘Hello, madam, I am not driver for you.’

   I slammed the door and sat with him. First time sitting with him in car, alone. Morning one lady was in this seat. We didn’t talk anything till we reach the hotel. We ordered our food.

  ‘ So …you still eating noodles?’ he asked. He still remember that I love noodles.

  ‘Yeah’

   ‘I heard that you rejected all the boys your dad saw for you and accepted me atlast!’

   ‘You know how I married you…then why asking!’

 ‘ General knowledge’ he smiled.

‘Why you stopped drinking? ’ How long he will be asking questions.

  ‘I don’t like.’ He said angrily. For one question he is getting angry. How he was asking me. Now its my turn.

   ‘You liked it in college, what happened after that?’ I smiled.

  ‘Do you want me to eat or not?’He asked. How  he  is shuting  my mouth. Why I cant talk like this. I am stupid.  We didn’t talk after that.

       After some time only I noticed him properly, he was looking damn handsome in his black shirt. The candle light between us made him to look good. I was pleading my eyes not to see him. But my eyes were adamant than me.

  ‘Why are you staring at me?’ He asked.

 ‘Nothing’ I turned my face. Here after I shouldn’t come with him alone. His eyes mesmerzing me again. He became too good in these three years. I think he was so happy as I was not with him. I only became lean and ugly by thinking about him.

   ‘You didn’t touch the food yet’ he remembered me. I can touch the food only. I concentrated on my food. Have to finish it soon.

      After I’m done, I sat in my seat. I was seeing outside. He stopped the car.

 ‘What happened?’ I asked.

 ‘I think,accident.’

      A known fear rose inside me. I’m afraid about accident, dead bodies, blood……. He was slowly crossing the accident spot as there was huge traffic. I controlled to not to see it. But I saw. One person with full of blood and completely messed up.            God! tears started to roll down my cheeks. He asked me to lie down. But I already saw. He drove fast to home. While driving he talked about many things to divert me. But I was grief-stricken completety.

     I came home and washed my face. Kept alarm and leaned on bed. That scene only  in front  of my eyes. I was very afraid to sleep alone. “Surely that person’s family will feel for his loss. How much blood he lost? He could have drived carefully. How his family will suffer” thought was flooding inside my mind.

       On that night I couldn’t sleep properly.  At one point I woke up by nightmare. I was fully wet by my sweat. I took my mobile to see the time. Its 1’O clock, I got five msgs, all from Gautham.

   ‘ Are you ok now?’

    ‘Don’t think about it, try to sleep’

     ‘Pray to god and sleep.’  

      ‘Have you slept?’

     ‘Ok, good night. Sleep well.’

   After a loooooooooong time I smiled by seeing his msg.  

   ‘Good night.’ I replied him.

  ‘You didn’t sleep yet’ He replied back.

   ‘I slept, but got up by nightmare. What you doing?’

  ‘ I am reading book. Don’t you feel sleepy?’

    Reading books? When he started this new hobby?

 ‘  No, I was filled with that thoughts’. I replied him back. He didn’t reply for long time then texted me.

     ‘Shall I come to your room?’

   I was staring at that msg for long time. I don’t know why he sent this msg.

What shall I reply him???

 YES or NO…..

   What should I reply? I don’t know for what purpose he was asking. If I say yes, would he think I’m weak or if I say no, would he think I’m doing too much? I can’t say both.

      ‘Ur wish.’ I replied him.

       ‘Ok’. He replied.

     May be he got angry. After marriage that was the first time he came down but I was not. If I say ok then, I will be the loser again. In college I was the first person to compromise. I don’t want to continue that. If he wants then he will come, I won’t call him.

    He knocked my room door. Sudden fear rose inside me. I opened the door.

   ‘Hey, are you ok now?’ He asked.

   ‘Some what ok.’ I replied.

   ‘Shall I come inside?’He asked. I forgot to allow him inside. How stupid I am. Slowly I’m forgetting everything when he was near to me. I moved. He sat in the chair near my bed. I sat in my bed.

   ‘I asked you not to see that, then why you saw?’ He asked.

   ‘I saw it. Before you say,’

   ‘Hmmm. Don’t think about that. Morning have to go to office.  Also you are very sincere worker.’ He tried diverting me.

    ‘I’m  fully occupied with that. If I sleep I will get nightmare only again. You go and sleep. Give that book what you were reading, I will read it for some time.’

   ‘What book?’

   ‘You only msged me, that you were reading book.’

  ‘Oh yeah. It’s just a magazine. I bought it for me. I cant give.’

   Tiny smile born in my lips. ‘It’s ok I have some books I will read that.’

  ‘ Don’t waste the current. I am only paying the electricity bill. You read tomorrow morning.’

   ‘What do you want me to do then?’

   ‘Nothing, Sleep.’ Seriously, he is the best idiot in the world. Can’t he say to me to sleep in one word? For that how many words he is using unnecessarily. His luck, I married him. If any other girl married him, surely she would have asked for divorce within one week.

 ‘I am not feeling sleepy.’ I said. He didn’t talk back. He was seeing somewhere.

  ‘If you  are worried about your current bill then you tell story. I too will sleep by hearing it.’ I said.

   ‘I am not good in it. If you sleep only I will go from here.’

   ‘Good night.’ I said and leaned on bed. He was sitting near me. He thinks if he is near me, I won’t get nightmares. But it started when he went away from me.

   Next day morning… He was not in my room. Did I had a dream? No, everything seems like real. Then where he is? I came out of my room. His room was opened. I looked inside, he was sleeping. The same shirt which he was wearing last night...

     I think he slept late night. I don’t want to disturb him. I closed his door and went to bath. Then I woke him. He got up and said thanks for waking him up. It’s late so I cooked food for him also.

    He dropped me in office. I started to do my remaining work which I left yesterday. I tried to finish the work soon. 

   Lunch time… I sat with shalini. She was busy talking with her boy friend in phone. I too was talking like this only in my college days by forgetting everything around me. But now……………. I sighed. My mobile gave one beep sound. I got msg from Gautham.

   ‘You there?’ He texted.

     ‘ Ya say.’

     ‘Lunch is good. Thanks.’

      ‘Its k.’ I replied. But no reply from him. I finished my lunch.

        My project manager called me and said that I will get transfer to Delhi soon. I applied for transfer when I came here, but it was so soon to get. It’s for good only. I was thinking about him more nowadays. I have to go soon. Again my phone gave sound, this time he called me.

   ‘Hello’ I answered.

   ‘Hey Harini , My mom coming home today evening. Just now she called me.’

  ‘Why she is coming? She didn’t inform us also.’

 ‘She is coming for shopping for my sister marriage it seems. Many of my relatives are coming.‘

 ‘That’s good. I will stay in shalini’s home today.’

 ‘Are you joking? We are married! We have to go home soon and arrange it properly. My mom will notice everything.’

   ‘So today also I can’t finish my work?’

   ‘Your mother-in-law, you only have to care.’ He said sheepishly.

  ‘Ok pick me also while going.’ I kept the phone. I said to shalini about this. She advised me to act like good wife otherwise it will create big problem.

    We came to home. I kept half of my things in his room. Mixed our things together and made the home like we are living happy life. It’s nice only if we both work together in home. He went to pick them. I prepared dinner.

    After half n hour they came. I greeted them. We talked for sometime then I served dinner for them. Sometime I laughed when Gautham talked with me like husband. I asked his mother to sleep with me and Gautham will sleep in hall. But she said us to sleep together and She will sleep in another room.

   Gautham also said to her to sleep with me but she didn’t listen. She thought that we were sacrificing some big thing for her.

     I entered in to kitchen to clean everything. She too came with me.

        ‘You go and sleep ma, I will clean it.’ She said with mother’s care.

        ‘Its ok aunty, you travelled a long way. You sleep aunty I will do it.’

          I started to clean, she was standing near me, ‘Hmmm Harini, Is there any good news?’

          I thought for some time, then asked ‘About what aunty?’

          ‘Between Gautham and you?’ She said and felt shy. I understood from her reaction itself. I don’t know what to answer. I was silent. I kept on cleaning. By that time Gautham came for my rescue.

    ‘Why dad didn’t come mom?’ he asked.

    ‘He is busy with marriage work. I asked your wife one thing, she didn’t reply me yet.’

   ‘What you asked?’

   She asked the same question to him but in elaborated way. He saw me. I came out of the kitchen then he talked to his mom and convinced her.

   I went to Gautham’s room and arranged bed. He came.

   ‘I said that I am not interested. If she asks you anything just say that it’s my entire decision.’ He said slowly. I didn’t reply him back.

   He continued, ‘You are caring your mother-in-law more, but she won’t give your dowry back.’ He can’t remain silent even for 5mins. He kept on  talking about his mom. My mom only came to my mind. How she cared me when we left. I am missing her a lot. Tears filled my eyes.

  ‘Hey what happened?’He asked.

  ‘I want to see my mom.’

    He didn’t talk anything for some time.

    ‘We will go and meet her next week. Now you sleep.’ He said.

    ‘No, I am not feeling sleepy.’ I cried.

    ‘hmmmmmmmm Ok ok .I will tell story. You sleep. ’ He said in a lovely voice.

            I never expect he will say like this. He is totally under my control when I cry but why he turn back on that day alone.

    ‘Ok.’ I said and I leaned on the bed. He was sitting in the chair.

   ‘In one city, there were two brother named  A and B’

    ‘A and B? Keep name for them.’ I suggested.

     ‘Hey I am struggling to think this itself. You say name.’

     ‘Siva and Karthick.’

    ‘Why you choose these names? You know them? Are they working in your company?’

      I stared at him. Still asking childish questions. ‘This is common names in Tamil cinema.  You are going to continue the story or questions?’

    ‘Ok..They were trained in martial arts. They usually……….’

   Always action stories? Because of this story, I am going to get action dream only.

   ‘Have you slept?’ He asked in very low voice.

   ‘Kidding?. You have not yet started the story.’

   ‘Ok Ok. Next day their city got in to trouble…………..’

    I closed my eyes and heard his story ... no actullay listened to his sweet voice……

I felt some warm air near my ear but I was so sleepy so I couldn’t open my eyes. He slowly touched my fingers, I moved my hand a little bit. He again touched it. Touched each fingers and then held my hand. I tried to take my hand from him but he held it very tightly.. He came closer to me now. No, I need to get away from him but I was so tired. He took my head and made me lean against his shoulder. He hugged me with loads of warmth and love. One part of my heart want to be in his warmth, it was satisfied, it was longing for this only but another part of my heart want to get away from his hold, his last words were carved in that. I was struggling with both. He held me tightly than before, I could hear his heart beat. It was beating fast. His breath was kissing my forehead. I think he is going to kiss. But no, I shouldn’t allow this. He didn’t apologise to me till now. His breath getting closer to me more and more

     

      No………no………..no ………….. I got up from bed.

    

     ‘Hey what happened?’ He shook me. Again he touched me.

     ‘No…. no……….. Don’t do this……… please. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.’ I fell down from bed.

         He suddenly came near me ‘Harini, what happened? Got any nightmares again?’

       He is talking like he didn’t do anything. I stared at him.

     ‘I am talking to you only, before anyone come, answer me.’ He asked.

      ‘Why you touched me?’ I asked.

      ‘Then how can I lift you? ’

       ‘I didn’t ask now. While I was sleeping!!’

        ‘I didn’t touch you, I was saying story only. You slept but after some time you were murmuring something and got up. ’

       What he is saying? I had dream then? If this is dream then it would be the worst dream in my lifetime. But it was so real. No, he is lying. My mom used to say that our inner thoughts only will come in our dream. But I didn’t think about him. Why should I think like he was touching me? Am I longing for his warm? No No. But……yeah I was confused a little bit yesterday when we were in hotel  but still I’m not  thinking about that.

    ‘Are you sleeping with open eyes?’ He asked.

    ‘Don’t lie to me. ‘I will forgive you. Say the truth.’

    ‘Harini, are you alright? Shall I call mom?’

     He was saying truth only. I had dream.

    ‘Sorry, I am ok. I had night mare.’

    ‘About that accident?’

     ‘No, Worst than that.’ I got up and sat in bed. He gave water and sat with me. His face was  very dull.

     ‘In college days you don’t have this kind of problem, right?’ He asked in sad tone.

    ‘What problem?’

    ‘Two days I have been watching you, in sleep you were murmuring something and struggling.’

   ‘Oh… actually this started after college, my mom used to say this to me. Like this I had fallen many times from bed. Sometimes I screamed in sleep also.’

    ‘Why what happened to you on those days?’ He asked like he doesn’t know anything.

      Has he lost his mind or teasing me again? He is the reason for everything but asking me what happened. May be he got in to accident and forgot everything?  But still he reminds me and having the same adamant and ignorant character.

He is playing for sure.

     ‘I started to watch more ghost movies Gautham, nothing else. You sleep. Good night.’ I leaned on bed again. I was really confused by his behavior.

       Next day… My day started in his face. He was sleeping near me, I saw his face like this is the last time I am seeing him. He is really a big child. Now only I can see him properly otherwise he would ask me so many questions. Also if he doesn’t talk, his eyes will speak more than that. What a boy he is? Never talked lovely words but still when he is around, we can feel how much love and care he has on us. His nose is growing along with his temper, wait I will cut it. His lips, hmmmmmmmmm not bad. Oh God, I am admiring him. But seeing his face will not increase love. If it increased then everything will get collapsed. For his childish face I couldn’t forget what he did. He is having lovely eyes, I have not yet seen even a single drop of tear for me.

     I got up suddenly from bed.

  ‘Where are you going?’ He asked without opening his eyes. Was he awake when I was seeing? Does he know that I was seeing him?

  ‘When you got up?’ I asked.

 ‘Before you.’

    Then he knows everything, Oh god, why this day started like this, ‘Hmmm then why you didn’t get ready for office?’

  ‘Office?? All my relatives are here. They don’t know about Chennai. We only have to be with them.’

  ‘So you are not going to office?’

 ‘We are not going. If you go to office then all will think badly about you. Sleep for sometime then go and do breakfast for all. Cook well, don’t cook like yesterday lunch.’ He started in morning itself.

   ‘You could have said to me. You said lunch was good yesterday.’

  ‘Yeah, but I can’t lie daily. Sleep my dear wife. ’ He said and turned back.

     I called Shalini and informed. I don’t want to sleep again with him. I got up and started to prepare breakfast. His relatives totally 7 people came along with his mom and sister. I thought of staying in home but they called me also with them for shopping. We went in car. I sat in front seat. After his family came, he is fully packed up with energy. He is smiling more often now.

        We entered in to saree section. Some time I helped and sometime I was just an audience. It took 4 to 5 hours for them to take 10 sarees but all are nice. Gautham was jumping from one person to another, I never saw him like this. In those days, many times he chose dress for me but he used to take more time than me. If I ask why taking this much time he would say “I want to choose best dress for you.”

      ‘Why are you smiling now?’ He asked. I forgot he was standing near me. I said nothing and went near to his mom.

  ‘You are not taking any saree?’ she asked.

   ‘I think husband and wife will come alone and take.’ One of his relative said.

   ‘Not like that aunty.’ I said

   ‘Anni (In Tamil culture they will call brother’s wife), then you take sarees now. Anna(brother) you help her to choose.’ His sister told.

    Gautham and I exchanged a look. He came near me and asked shop keeper to get sarees. I don’t know whether he was acting for his family or really he was interested but I was happy but little bit only that I am going to get saree from him for first time.

   After one hour he chose one saree, pink color with golden border. It was so nice. He asked my decision. What I can say except Ok. For all sarees Gautham and his mom shared the money, but for my saree alone he asked to put bill separately and he paid the bill.

     I can’t control my happiness, I don’t want to smile in front of everyone so I came out of the shop and started to walk to the car. I was flying in the sky. If he took for name sake then why he paid the bill. I am going to wear saree which Gautham gave me.

  ‘Harini.’ One voice screamed at me.

  I came to earth, NO… I was standing in middle of the road. I tried to cross the road but one car came near me very fast, I stood in the road itself I totally forgot to cross, actually I don’t know what to do in that situation, but the car just missed to dash me. But still I was standing there. Someone took my hand tightly and crossed the road. It was Gautham.

    ‘Are you out of your mind? Don’t you know how to cross the road? About what you were thinking?’ He yelled at me. I can’t say anything. Tears flooded in my eyes. Before I realize what has happened he started to scold me. Why he is doing like this? Can’t he ask how I am, first?

       ‘Gautham don’t shout pa. She is crying. She might have walked properly only.’ His mom was supporting me.

  Are you child? Who asked you to come out of the shop? What would have happened if he hit you? Open your eyes and walk in the road.’ He again yelled.

    Doesn’t he know anything other than yelling? Has he ever cared me? He is causing pain only.

‘You scold her after we reach home. Everyone is seeing here only. ’ His mom requested him.

    ‘He is expert in shouting in front of everyone aunty.’ I said and took off my hand from him…

     I sat in car. He drove very fast. All were maintaining silence.

      Then only I came to realize how stupid I was. He got scared and shouted in care. But without understanding anything I shouted at him, that too in front of his mom. Yeah like he say I am nuts. I did a great mistake. Its words full in fear and care. I have to ask sorry to him.

        We came to home. He was still in his seat. All got down.

            ‘Have you got any scratches? Shall we go to hospital?’ He asked.

             ‘No, I am alright.’

              ‘I should not shout like that. But I got scared. I called your name but you didn’t turn back.’

                ‘Its ok. I can understand.’

                ‘You see any where and walk, but…. hold my hand alone.’

           I was speechless. He didn’t talk like this even when we were in college. I shouldn’t fall for him and end up in grief again.

         I don’t have any words to tell him than this. I told ‘ Don’t worry Gautham. I will get transfer to Delhi soon. My project manager said to me yesterday. ’Saying this I came out of the car. He took the car and drove away……..

My mouth only lied to him. I can understand how it would hurt him but what I can do. With heart full of pain I entered in to home. I spoiled everyone’s mood too.  I called my mother-in-law to my room.

    ‘I am sorry aunty. I only spoiled the whole thing.’

     ‘Its ok ma, I know about him. Don’t worry about that dear. You just console him. Where he is? ’ she asked.

   ‘He went to petrol bunk.’ I lied to her.

   ‘You take rest for some time.’  she patted in my cheeks and went to hall.

    I sat in my room. My thought fully around on him. He himself said that he didn’t marry me with love. He also did for compulsion only. This marriage is causing trouble for everyone. With in two months I will get transfer for sure, after aunty and his relatives return to their home I will move to Shalini’s home. I am not having strength to break my heart again. My each word is hurting him. I am not good pair for him. After his sister’s marriage I will apply for divorce.

    Phone ringed.

    ‘Harini.’

   ‘Coming aunty.’ I went to hall to pick the call.

    ‘Hello’ I answered.

    ‘Is this Gautham’s home?’ some unfamiliar voice asked

    ‘ Yeah, who is this?’

     ‘May I know who are you?’

     ‘I am his wife.’ First time I am saying this word.

     ‘Ok madam. He met with an accident.’

     ‘What? What happened to him?’ Tears flooded in my eyes.

     ‘Can you come to hospital now?’

  ‘What happened to him, please say, pleeeeeeeeeeeeease’ That was the last word I talked. I fell down unconscious , something hit on my hand.

       I opened my eyes in hospital. Divya (His sister) was sitting near me. She looked like shadow to my eyes. I couldn’t hear what she was asking to me properly. Only one person was filled in my thought, its my Gautham. I closed my eyes again.

      Please Gautham come back to me, I need to say my love to you….

    ‘Harini, I am here.’ It is Gautham voice I turned to look at him. He was standing with white shirt and blue jean. We were in beach. The same place where I chosen to say my love. I went near to him. I slapped him and hugged.

   ‘Why you left me?’I cried in his arm.

   ‘I am sorry Harini.’ He hugged me back.

   ‘No need to ask sorry, Mistake is mine. I shouldn’t have msged him. Boys show their love by possessiveness only. I was blind I didn’t see that. I am sorry Gautham, please don’t go away from me again. I too come with you.’

    ‘Sure my dear. But you not yet say that three words to me.’

      I smiled and got out from his hold. I sat in the sea shore.

   ‘If you sit near me only I will say.’ I said.

   ‘ Get up.’ He said in serious tone.

    ‘What happened Gautham?’

    ‘Harini please open your eyes.’ He pleaded.

     ‘My eyes are open only, are you alright Gautham?’ I got up and touched his cheeks. But he hold my arm and shaken me. Beach changed in to hospital. The place I was sitting changed in to bed and I was leaning on that. But Gautham alone was standing in front of me. I struggled to keep my eyes open. Its Gautham with some bandages in his hands and head. But he is alive.

   ‘Are you ok?’ I managed to speak.

   ‘ Ya. I am ok. How are you?’ He asked very caringly, he was very sad for me.

  ‘Hmm good. What happened to you?’

   ‘Everything is ok now, you just take rest. I am going to see doctor. Divya be with her.’ He said and moved.

        Before he go out of the room he turned and saw. This is enough for me. How I felt when they said he met with an accident. I felt like my life is empty. I couldn’t see my future. I forgot to breathe also. After I met him only, I found the meaning for my life. He was making my each seconds and I lived in that. Even we fought, he was with me and I was happy for that. For ten mins fight, I ruined my 4 years of life. His presence makes my life beautiful. I was mad, I should have called him at least once in that three years, he wont call me even if mistake was on him and I know that also, then why I didn’t call him. All because of my ego, for this I lost my life. Three years I was lifeless but I never understood he is my life and everything what I wished for. I would have screamed or came out of that place when he tied knot to me during marriage but why I couldn’t  do that? How stupid I was, the love didn’t destroy in my heart but it got increased only. I made myself to believe that I hate him. My heart was not two parts, its only one part and its for Gautham alone. Even if he shouts harsh words, doubting me or going away from me, I will love him. Even if he go out from me thousand times, my love on him never decrease, I completely in love with him. when he said that “at least be true him”, I should have slapped him. I could understand now why I got night mares its not because I hate him its happened as he was not with me. Three years how I lived without him, when this life itself not enough for me. I only, know about him. I am not going to say my love. I am not his friend to propose him and became her lover. I am his wife, he don’t have any other choice than living with me. I know how to handle him, if I said only it means that, I am loving him? No, let my love be unsaid. I will make him to love me. Now only I feel like I am living my life. He is very stubborn person, if he thought he would have stopped the marriage, but he also didn’t do it. He shouted me in road, told story , first time talked lovely words like hold my hand, but he did everything in love or he still thinks me as best friend? What ever it is I need my Gautham back.  

     ‘What happened to him yesterday?’ I asked Divya.

     ‘He dashed in tree anni. Just some scratches, nothing else. But you only after heard half of the sentence fell down and got muscle contraction in your hand. That much love, huh.’ She smiled.

  Muscle contraction? Oh my god, Yeah, big bandage in my hand. My leg also paining. To understand my love on him I need this.

   ‘ No’ I said and smiled. Gautham came inside and asked her sister to go home.

   ‘ How are you now?’ He asked.

    ‘ Will you ask this five mins once?’, if I talk in lovely tone then he will rule me. I wont allow it this time. I will teach him to talk in lovely voice.

    ‘Because of you only I bumped in tree. You crused me. ’

   ‘Do you think I don’t have any other job other than cursing you? I got big wound than you.’ I said.

    ‘You acted too much, so only fell down. Cant you hear what they saying fully?’He said and remained silent.

       Two weeks passed, my pain got reduced, he was completely alright. Gautham said that he would take care of me and sent his family to his native to take care of marriage work. I said everything to shalini, she asked me to come to office as soon as possible. In these days, I maintained the same relationship with Gautham. He was so sweet, he did all work for me. He cooked, cleaned the home, arranged my things, some time he combed my hair also. Even there is no work, I will make him to work. Because then only he will come out of his room as he was doing office work in his Pc ,otherwise he will ask me to see TV and will go inside. Days passed I was completely alright. Gautham was not happy about my idea of going to office but I convinced him some how.

     Office………

          ‘How are you dear?’ Shalini hugged me and asked.

         ‘I am so good, I need to talk to you Shalini, I want him back. I want to talk and share everything with him like I did in college’ I pleaded her.

    ‘Sure dear. Come with me.’ She took me to her cabin. She opened google page and typed “How to get close with boys ”.

   ‘Shalini, are you playing with my life? For this only you asked me to wait? You are still in childhood. This kind of stuff never works. Believe me.’

   ‘Harini, just listen to me. You know I came to know that my boy in love with me by this way only.’

 ‘Very good shalini, congrats, but don’t involve me in this.’

 ‘Ok cool down. You tried to say your love in your way, but it didn’t work, now try my idea. Even if it is working or not, he is your husband. ’

   ‘ Is it? Ok I will accept but I will give you only 5 days. But if anything wrong happened then I will kill you.’

   ‘Ok dear. First find whether he is still in angry on you or not? ’

   ‘He is not. I am sure about that.’

  ‘Ok then we need to find whether he is having feeling for you.’

  ‘Are you repeating what I am saying? Soon start it.’

  ‘Do what I am saying each day and say how he is reacting.’

         She keep on saying many ideas and advices, slowly I heard everything. She asked to start the test from next day. I came to home. He was sitting and working in his lap top.

   ‘How is your work? Did you feel any pain today?’ He asked.

  ‘No, everything is fine. What about you?’

   ‘Good. Next week, our college alumni meeting. I got mail’

       When he mentioned about his college many thoughts came to my mind. I totally forgot about my college. I forgot my friends also.

‘Are you still having contact with your college friends?’ I asked.

‘Yeah, they are my friends always. Are you not in contact?’

 ‘No, not even one.’

  ‘Even to Gita?’

  ‘No, I talked with her before I start from Chennai and that is the last time.’ I said and went inside. He too didn’t ask me anything after that.

  Next day I got up freshly. She already told me what to do.

  DAY 1:

        I invited my co-worker (wantedly) to home to do remaining office work. I entered home along with him. Gautham eyes became wide. I hid my smile. He stared at me continuously. I sat with Ajay(Co-worker) in dinning table and opened my lap top. I know Gautham was seeing me but I didn’t even look at him. He got up from sofa and came near me.

 ‘Harini’ He called me.

 ‘What?’ I didn’t look I was still seeing my laptop.

‘Come to room , I want to talk to you.’ He said. He was so angry but I was so happy. I wanted this only.

   ‘I am working Gautham. I will talk to you later.’ I said but now also didn’t see him. He was staring me and Ajay.

    ‘You go and talk with him, I will take care of this.’ Ajay said. I saw Ajay and went to room.

‘What Gautham? ’ I asked like I don’t have interest.

 ‘Why the hell you are getting him to home? Ask him to go or I will say.’ He said. How he was getting anger, so cute.

  ‘Three weeks I put leave because of you only Gautham, now I didn’t finish any work and I don’t have any other option than this. I cant ask him to go and don’t interfere in my things.’ I looked down, if I see his eyes I will say “ Ok dear surely I will send him out.”

   He stared at me for some seconds and went.

 I sat with Ajay and continued my work. Gautham head turned fully to our side. He increased TV sound and talked loudly in phone, but nothing worked.

     ‘Harini , I am so hungry, go and do cooking.’

    ‘I am busy, You cook for all.’ His temper became more when I said “for all”.

     I got msg from him.

            ‘If you didn’t send him , I will throw him out for sure.’ 

           ‘Understand Gautham, I have lot of work to do.’ 

           ‘I am also working in software field only, you say wat I have to do, I will do that , Send him with in 5 sec.’ He replied back

             ‘Ok’

             I can understand how possessive he is on me but at the same time he doesn’t want to show it in front of third person as I would feel. He doesn’t want to repeat the mistake.  Day 1 ends in happy mood.

Day 2:

  Today my work is little bit difficult and I was little bit nervous also. Its about 11’O clock. Gautham was in his room. I went to his room.

     ‘Gautham’ I called him.

     ‘Hey you didn’t sleep yet. ’

     ‘No, actually I saw ghost movie in my laptop, now I cant sleep alone.’ I lied.

    He got tensed,‘ First delete all ghost movies from your laptop. Even if I say you wont hear. Sleep here.’ He moved his things and cleared bed for me. I got success in my half of the plan. I leaned on bed and put blanket on me.

    ‘Don’t close face with blanket.’ He insisted. I removed from face and closed my eyes and pretending like I was sleeping. After some time I got up.

  ‘What happened?’ He asked.

  ‘Switch off light, I cant sleep.’ I said. I know he was doing his office work but late night working is not good for health, right?

   He closed his laptop and switched off the light and slept near me.

   ‘Shall I sleep here daily?’ I asked slowly.

   ‘Sure’ He said. My remaining plan was success too.

      We slept together and at one point I opened my eyes. He was in deep sleep. I hold his hand and moved near to him (This is not in plan actually) and closed my eyes.

Day3:

        ‘Where are you going?’Gautham asked.

        ‘Theatre.’

        ‘With whom you are going?’

        ‘Alone.’

        ‘Do you know the time? It’s already 9. Go tomorrow morning with your friends.’

        ‘No, I am going now. Tomorrow I have to go office.’

       ‘Then go in weekend.’ His tone was serious. I didn’t listen to him. I took my hand bag and went near door.

       ‘Wait, I too will come.’ He said and went to his room. My plan got success. We went to movie together after 4 years. He slept in half of the movie itself. I too stopped to watch movie and started to see him. After movie got over, we started to home. I was so tired and leaned on the car’s window.

       ‘Who asked you to go for a movie?’ He asked as if he knows all my plans.

        ‘I want to watch movie, nothing else.’  I avoided his gaze.

        ‘Be yourself, you are not a girl to get some strangers to home, going for a movie at midnight that too alone and increased one inch of glow in your face. You are acting differently. Has anyone said anything to you? ’

            I was dumb struck when he told all these. He knows about me very well.

     ‘No, that day I had lot of work to do, so only I asked him to come home. ’

      ‘Do you want me to believe this? I know someone told you something. So only, I didn’t get angry on that day otherwise I would not have allowed him to enter. ’

        Not allowed? So he didn’t change? Thank God, he didn’t do anything.

       He continued, ‘I don’t know why you are doing this but it doesn’t suit you. If you have any other plans just drop it.’ We reached home by the time he finished this.

       I came to my room and sat in my bed. I dropped all the plans. Everyday plan got success but in final result I failed. If this idiot was talking to me normal then, why I should put this plan? If I get Shalini in my hand I will crush her. On that day itself I told to her that this won’t work.

    ‘Hey why are you sleeping here?’ He asked. I don’t know what to say to him, I remained silent.

   ‘Come and sleep in my room.’ He said

    ‘Its ok, I will sleep here.’ I said.

    ‘I can’t come here often to see whether you are sleeping or blabbering in sleep. Come soon.’ He said and went.

     I went and leaned on his bed. I was controlling my tears because I couldn’t tolerate this distance after I found that I am in love with him. I am his wife but I am just acting like that. Why can’t he see love in my eyes? Always I am only going behind him. Its ok, if I need my love, I only have to sacrifice my ego.

       ‘Gautham’

        ‘What?’

         ‘I will ask you three questions, can you answer me at least for one?’

          ‘Hmm ask.’

         ‘Why you are not talking with me properly? Do you like me still? Why you didn’t contact me in those 3 years?’ I finished. He didn’t reply for any. He turned and saw my eyes.

    ‘You also didn’t contact me in those days.’ He said.

     I turned back and cried without making any sound. He is still thinking about that only. Can’t he forgive me? Am I not that much worth to get his love?

     ‘Harini.’

     ‘Hmmmm’

     ‘Are you going to Delhi?’

     ‘Yes.’ I said it without thinking about anything.

   Four days I didn’t talk with him. If he started to talk also I will go to my room and pretend like I am busy. Before he woke up I will go to office in morning and evening also I spent in office or in Shalini’s home. I would come late night and sleep in hall itself. He scolded me and asked me to come home soon but I didn’t listen anything.

      My PM informed me that I have to be in Delhi within one week. I informed Gautham, but he didn’t talk a word also about that. But before I go to Delhi I want to meet my friends, especially Gita.

       Gautham was also not having any contact with her. I tried to her land line number but no one picked up the call. I was afraid to meet her. Whatever the problem was, I should have talked with her. I didn’t reply for her mails also. I went to her home to see her, but it was locked. I asked about her to her neighbors, they gave one mobile number and I dialed it. Yeah it was Gita.

   ‘Hello’ she answered.

   ‘Hi Gita, this is Harini.’

   ‘Harini, hey how are you? Where are you now?’ She was so excited.

   ‘Ya I am fine, I am in Chennai only. What about you? I came to your home but you are not here.’

    ‘We came to my native for my cousin marriage. I will be in Chennai day after tomorrow. Are you coming for alumni meeting?’

     ‘No Gita, I am not interested.’

     ‘Don’t say anything, already our friends are angry on you. You are coming that’s all. We will meet there. Have to talk about lot of things. I have some work here, will catch you later. Bye dear.’

    ‘Bye Gita.’

       I was happy that I am going to meet my friends but how they will react if they know I married Gautham? They even don’t know that I got married. How I am going to face them.

      Sunday… Alumni meeting… From morning I was so nervous to meet everyone. I wore pink color saree which I was wearing on national level conference. Meeting was between 6PM to 9PM. Gautham got ready as usual before me. He was so silent and nervous too. May be it’s because of me. I could say from his behavior that he was feeling so uncomfortable with me.

     I sat in car, his eyes were focused on road but his thoughts were somewhere. This is the last time I am going in car with him, Tuesday I am going to Delhi. This time also I am going away from him without sharing my love. My love, life and everything is with him. But the only thing I am taking from him is the word, Mrs.Gautham. One year I lived with him and three years with his thoughts. This is enough for me.

      We reached College. He went to park the car. I called to Gita, she already came and asked me to come to auditorium. I informed to Gautham in text. I walked in to college, the place where I got my Gautham, each place reminded me about him, the canteen where we shared our food, the class room benches where we sat together to study but end in lovely chat, basket ball ground where he gave bracelet and the first time I leaned on his shoulder and held his hand, corridor, the place where he used to wait for me and I finally I entered in to auditorium the place where I met him. My destiny.

       I saw Gita, she waved her hands. She changed so much became somewhat fat, all my class friends were sitting with her. She came and hugged me. I was so happy.

    ‘You got married?’ She was excited. I nodded my head.

    ‘What you did in these 4 years?’ I asked.

   ‘I didn’t have any contact with our college friends after you went. I did MBA in Bangalore and was there till last month. I tried to contact you many times. But you forgot me, you didn’t call me after you reached Mysore. For Gautham’s mistake, you punished us. I think that idiot will come here.’

    ‘Don’t call him as idiot.’

   ‘Are you still crazy about him? Because of him only you are like this, don’t forget that’

   ‘You didn’t ask anyone about me and Gautham?’

   ‘All asked to me only about you, even Gautham asked about you. Why should I ask about Gautham?’

   ‘Gautham asked about me? What and when he asked’ I was excited.

    ‘Harini you didn’t change till now. Change the topic. When you got married? Is your husband here?’

    ‘Please Gita, answer me.’

   ‘Ok, He contacted me after you are gone, I scolded him and disconnected the call. But after some days he started to call me often, so I said that you got engaged with someone and told him not to disturb you.’

  ‘Gita, you ruined everything.’

  ‘What you are saying? I helped you, because of him only you had so much trouble, you even forgot about us.’

    ‘The mistake is mine Gita, I loved him, I should have said to him about my friendship with Sanjay. Any guy will get angry, if you hide this and I understand that. You know what Gita, He is my husband. I married him only, I love him and now I need to ask sorry and express my love at least now.’

    ‘What you are saying? You married him Harini?’

    ‘It’s a big story, I will say later, now I need to see Gautham.’ I said and came from that place. I called Gautham but he didn’t pick up. I searched for him everywhere. But no sign of him. I was standing near his car. I did the entire mistake. I shouldn’t have talked with Sanjay. When I saw him with a gal in car I got angry, how he would have tolerated this. His anger was meaningful. He thought that I got engaged so only he didn’t contact me also. Tears were fully filled in my eyes.

     My mobile gave sound. I got text from him.

     ‘Where are you?’ He texted.

   ‘In car parking area. Where are you? I want to talk to you.’ I replied back.

   ‘Come to basket ball ground. ’ He texted back.

I reached basket ball ground. He was sitting in the place where we sat together last time. With tears and heart full of love I sat next to him. I want to hug him and cry in his chest but we remained silent for some seconds.

     ‘What are you doing here? I was searching for you everywhere.’ I broke the silence.

      ‘I too searched for you. ’ He voice was so shaky. In darkness, I couldn’t see his reaction properly.

      ‘Why you searched for me?’ I asked.

He didn’t tell anything. Can u reply me? I asked again.

      ‘I am sorry Harini.’ He said. First time he was asking sorry to me. I waited for this word before, but now it is useless. I don’t want his apology now, I want his love alone for my life long.

     ‘Why are you asking sorry now?’

     ‘I couldn’t say it on the day, you left me.’ He said without looking my eyes.

      ‘I was waiting for you till I got in to train. But you didn’t show up.’ I chided now.

      ‘You know that, If I feel stressed I used to drink. Then how can you expect me to come?’ He raised his voice but suddenly he became normal and he contuined ’ I drunk on that day, so only I couldn’t show up. I contacted Gita, but she didn’t give proper response.’

   ‘So after that you forgot me?’ I asked

  ‘You didn’t understand me yet, I came to Mysore and searched for you. But I couldn’t find you. I couldn’t go back without seeing you, so I called her again but she said you got engaged to someone. You know what after she said like that also I searched for you all the places in Mysore but no sign of you, where you have been?’ He asked.  Idiot I was inside my room thinking about you only.

    ‘Leave that, So you came long way to say only sorry to me?’

     He remained silent for some time and said ‘That day, I don’t know why I came and searched for you like mad. You used to say that you were alone in childhood. But I never know how it would be until you left me. You taught me how it would feel by being alone. Daily I used to come here and sit. As I drunk on that day, I couldn’t see you, so I left drinking.’ 

        He left drinking because of me? I cant believe my ears. He too felt the way like me. At least he is saying everything now.

      ‘Then why you married me? You can leave me with that person itself know?’

       ‘My dad showed your photo for marriage, I thought you both are separated. Actually I accepted this marriage to unite you and that person, which will give happiness for you. So I hid everything inside me.’ He said. He was sacrificing me?

  ‘ So really you married me to unite us?’

  ‘Yeah.’

 ‘Promise on me?’

‘ Hmmmmmmmm I married you with full heart, I was happy only. But i was worried for you because I don’t know what happened between him and you. I know how you were interested in love and marriage and also know how you would have feel if anything happened to your love.’

  ‘Then why you didn’t try to join me and him?’ I asked.

  ‘Really Harini I became mad again. How can I leave my wife to someone? I cant leave you, even if you want to go.’ His tone was very childish. Thank God he spoke without seeing my eyes, otherwise after hearing his last words how can I be without kissing him.

 ‘So you lied to me that you married me for compulsion?’ He was silent.

‘Hmm…tell’! (Now its my turn) I sounded with a fake anger. Throughout the conversation I was hiding my smile, first time I was asking and he was answering to me with his lovely voice.

‘Listen Harini, some things has to be understood rather than being told’. He defended.

Have you lied to me for any other matter?’

 ‘Do you think my only job is to lie.’ He said.

  ‘Ok , I believe you, but after some days if you say anything like this, then……………I wont talk with you.’

‘ hmmmmmm….When I slept with you on that day, you were so disturbed in sleep so I touched you, put you in my arms, when I was about to……………. Came near to you,  you got up from bed, you didn’t like my closeness I think so, so I lied to you that I didn’t  touch.’ He finished. I know, that was not dream. But I feel like this only as dream.

   ‘Really you don’t like my touch ? ’ He asked.

    In words I cant say how much I liked his touch, ‘ I was in some other thinking, I need to tell you one thing, actually Gita lied to you. She thought I would be happy if you didn’t talk with me. I never get engaged with anyone and I didn’t roam around Mysore, I was inside my room all the days.’

     ‘So you were in angry on me? I was the reason for your all problems?’ He asked in very low voice, I can say he felt so guilty.

  ‘No, not you, I only misunderstood the things.’ I consoled him.

  ‘I believe you more than me Harini, but I spoke those words in fear of losing you. I became mad after I saw that msg. I know how my words would have hurt you. I am stupid, like you say I never understand one’s feeling. I cant give up you to anyone, I cant even think how Sanjay would have thought about you when he proposed. I cant tolerate that. I always have the feel that you are only to me. I am sorry Harini.’ His voice became so shaky than before.

   ‘ Its ok Gautham, leave it. I know about you.’ I tried to console him.

   ‘ At least you would have said to me about this, how many days we lived together why you never told me? I am not that much arrogant to think all the mistakes are yours.’ He said.

   ‘All the time I am the one who is coming and talking to you. In these days you should have asked me once about this.’ I asked.

   ‘Don’t blame me, I asked you what happened, you only said that you used to watch Ghost movies.’

   ‘Don’t talk like child, I said it for fun, how can you take all the things serious. ’ I said.

   ‘Ya I am idiot, I am believing everyone, You also lying , your friend also lying. All are cheating me.’

    ‘ Friend? Are you talking about Gita? Do you think this is a movie to get engaged after I left you?  Are you thinking yourself as hero to sacrifice me to someone. How can you imagine such things?’ He didn’t look at me still, I continued, ‘ Ok atleast now you said everything to me, Thanks for everything. I am going to Delhi, then….. you enjoy your life.’ I got up from that place and walked few inches away from him. Actually I was acting like I am going but I was angry also how can he think about leaving me. He too got up and came near me.

   ‘Are you crazy?  Do you think am I saying this as you are leaving now? Already you left me once that’s enough. If you want to go to job then be here, otherwise resign the job and be in home.’

    ‘What is the meaning of being here? I am going Gautham.’

     ‘Don’t go.’ His tone was serious.

     ‘ Why should I have to be here? Why I should not go?’

     ‘For me. ’ He said.

     ‘For you?  Why?’

      ‘ Because………I cant be here without you.’

     ‘ Say the reson, why you cant be here?.’ I asked.

      ‘Why means? I cant , that’s all,  Don’t go.’ His tone became more serious and childish too.

      ‘Are you going to say it or not?’ I asked

  ‘ What to say? Hmmmmmmmmm…..  Really Harini,  I.. I don’t know when It started, but now I cant live without you.’

   ‘Started what?’ My lips started to smile. To get one word from him how I am struggling.

    He was still looking down. I was waiting for his answer, at last, he said in very low voice. ‘ Love !!!.’

     ‘I cant hear it properly.’ I lied.

     ‘ Love.‘ He said in loud voice but his eyes were somewhere.  I have been waiting for this word 6 years. Tears started to roll down from my cheeks. First time I got tears because of happiness. All my worries and pain vanished in his one word.

        ‘Look in to my eyes and say it properly, otherwise I will go.’ I said.

        He turned to me and saw my eyes, the look was so deep, his eyes was filled with so much off love than his word, We forgot the world and looked each other for few seconds then he said, ‘ I love you Harini, please be with me.’

         I smiled with tears. I hugged him at once. He hugged me tightly,

 ‘I wont go away from me, if you hug me like this. ’ I said with smile.

‘You still didn’t say your love to me’ He remained me. His eyes filled with tears. First time I am seeing his tears that too for me.

      I answered him with my kiss…!!