9 & 1/2 Days of Californication - Part 1

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Happy Zombie Jesus Day to all of you in what is hands down the most confusing holiday of the year. I really don't care the logic or reason though as long as there are chocolate bunnies and Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs next to my deviled eggs. Sigh...I miss Easter at my mom's...and the subsequent chest pain. Anyway, that's not why you're here. You're here because you want to know how California was (or you just googled sexbot and my site came up). Well, it was a glorious and perfectly timed trip. I really needed it...and so did everybody else involved. Now, my traveling companions were my aunt (who is simply the most irritating person alive), my 12-year old cousin Alicia, my mom, and for the first few days, The Wingmans.

The first night was at a hotel near LAX and the Wingmans & I spent time at the hot tub catching up, getting our drink on and striking up a conversation with a gentleman in the real estate game...who was actually there for a ballroom dancing competition. Good times.

Day 1 - Anaheim

We checked out of the hotel, did some shopping for supplies (drinks, snacks, etc) and then made our way to our hotel in Anaheim and then to California Adventure, which I had never been to. It was still being built the last time that I went to Disneyland...some 15 years ago. After spending most of the day having fun on the rides there, we spent the dusk hours in Disneyland. The amazing thing about Disneyland...is it really hasn't changed a bit in the 15 years since I went there. Indiana Jones was brand spankin' new the last time, all the rides have the same narration (I was talking along with the Haunted Mansion & the log ride). The submarine was a little different with the new Finding Nemo theme...but that's really about it. Also, my own personal request of Disney, re-release "Song of the South" with the Brer Bear & Brer Rabbit. Sure, it's not politically correct...but it's one of my favorites and I think kids are missing out. There, I've said my piece. Here are pictures...

Pandas love faux gators

First time I saw shoes too big for ME (Size 18)

Unfortunately, Megan Fox was nowhere to be found...

Here's the Goodyear Blimp

Oh, I forgot. You don't have x-ray vision.

I thought they were supposed to keep those on the greens

California - Fresh fruit is always available

Thou shalt not worship false idols

The Wingman in Cali

"High School Musical 3 - Ohmygodohmygodohmygod..."

"Come on man! Kids are here."

Hollywood Tower Hotel

Badly in need of renovations

Wanna hear a great story? Good. Okay, so this next picture is from our second time on the Tower of Terror ride. We were standing in line and Mrs Wingman starts up a conversation with the dad in front of us. We find out that it's the kid's birthday. So Mrs Wingman starts playing it like, "Oh, I brought my daughter here about two years ago on her 8th birthday too. She's just the cutest girl with blonde curly hair. Oh I miss my Jenny. See, this ride sometimes take children...but there are a lot of kids here today so you should be okay...if you've been good & do your homework. You have been good and doing your homework, right?" "Yeah." Then the dad cuts in, "How about fighting with your sister?" The kid's face turns a little pale. "Well, it's okay. There are a lot of kids. You should be okay." Then Mr Wingman says, "You'll know if they decide to take you if you feel like you're being lifted up out of your seat." The dad was cool with it...but this is why we shouldn't be allowed around children. Anyway, this picture was taken...at the time of the first drop...when you feel like you're being lifted out of your seat...and we all have devilish smiles...and by the end of the ride, there was an odd smell coming from the row in front of us. Happy birthday kid!!!

This is nice. Not $175 nice...but nice.

"They have a Treasures here too? Awesome! Just like Vegas!"

"AND Ariel's Grotto? My Disney Princesses Night wasn't such a bad idea."

I was sorely disappointed when I walked in and kids were having lunch.

You know, as you may remember from my latest visit to the museum

Anything can be turned into a perverted statement...

Why when I read Bo Peep's Balloon Pop, did I think of a cabaret show?

As you can see, the glass is there for your protection...

and to keep vomit in your lap, not spray on others

"$teve, what do you think of California Screamin'?"

Disneyland - The Happiest Place on Earth...outside Vegas

Space Mountain

Day 2 - Buena Park

For this next portion, I would like to welcome a very special guest - Lilie. She joined us for our adventure to America's 1st Theme Park - Knott's Berry Farm. The great thing about this place compared to Disneyland, is that it's more park...and less theme. Yeah, there are Peanuts characters involved...but it's not beaten over your head with a rubber mallet. There are a bunch of great adult rides and even some of the kiddie rides are pretty awesome. It was a lot busier than the other times that I came...but then again, it was a Saturday during Spring Break...and we STILL got to ride a bunch. Anyway, enough of my yammering. Here are the pictures...

"Hmm, what's that crystal castle looking building?"

My mom likes big cocks...and Dee's Nuts

Mom, Alicia, Mrs Wingman, and Wingman - Before...

After

"Who's that young Kevin Bacon on the left?"

VIVA LA REVOLUCION!!!

Nothing screams romance like a waterfall...

...and delicious Garlic Fries.

"Hold on everybody, the doctor will be in shortly."

I'm thinking that a tile floor decorated with these in my house...

would get awfully messy...and sticky.

Geodes signed by Nicolas Cage...

...and apparently Kevin Bacon (who can't spell)

"So $teve, did you have fun?"

Here's Lilie enjoying her Kindereire Carousel

while I enjoy the bottle covering her cleavage

HAH!!! Made you look...

Day 3 - Redondo Beach & Laguna Niguel

The next day, we met up with Lilie and she showed us her awesome apartment in Redondo Beach (nice area) and took us down to the beach for a little dip in the Pacific.

"You're right, those are some nice melons"

Then we had some lunch and headed to Orange County to hang out at one of my favorite destinations in all the world, The Ritz-Carlton, Laguna Niguel. There's really not a more beautiful hotel...and it's perfectly located overlooking the coast...and the service is impeccable. Sure, it's pricey...but you absolutely get what you pay for.

Can't you just smell them?

The beach is nice. The best part though...is the sunset.

Great friends, Coronas, fresh fruit, chairs, we're ready.

Afterwards, we went to the hot tub (sorry, no pictures) and thus began a running theme of this trip, where I was being eyed big time...by jailbait. As you know, my theory is if you're under 18 or over 40, you absolutely love me & think that I'm hot sh*t. In between those ages, it's few & far between. It also doesn't help that girls are "developing" a lot earlier now thanks to hormones in milk & beef or whatever...so yeah. It's nice to be eyeballed in a hot tub though...even by somebody that I could've babysat back when they were an infant. Anyway, that'll do it for today. Join us tomorrow when we continue our stay in Laguna Niguel...and then move on to Legoland and San Diego...and who knows where else? Have a great day everybody!!!