Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,
Day 4 - Laguna Niguel
When we last spoke, I was batting off jailbait in the hot tub and we were at The Ritz-Carlton, Laguna Niguel having a grand time relaxing from a few days of theme parks. At least that's what we thought. For brunch, we went to Coco's and had some pretty good food (so good that we ate dinner there…and breakfast the next morning). They sure know how to chicken fry a steak. Afterwards we went across the street to this place called Howie's that sounded like an arcade…but was basically a bunch of computers & X-boxes set up for kids to vegetate all day. Observe…
MAGICK!!!
Okay, this is Howie's
Then we started an epic journey. We noticed a place in the same complex called Yogurtland…but we wanted gelato. See, I basically got Mrs Wingman addicted to gelato during our visits to Lake Las Vegas…so it's basically my fault. Yogurtland had no gelato…but they told us of a place across the street from another location in town, so we got the address and journeyed there. When we arrived, the place was closed (hours were like 3-9 PM Thursday-Sunday and this was a Monday, I think). Drats. Well, I look for another place on the GPS on my phone…because we're craving it bad now. We drive there…and they are OUT OF GELATO!!! How does a place that sells gelato…just run out. Okay, there were other places. Let's go to the next one, Dolce Vita (the Sweet Life). We get there about five miles away…and we can't find it in the strip mall, so we ask somebody…and they apparently went out of business about a year ago. What the fudge? Can a brutha get his gelato on? So then, we go to one last place…and it was on the PCH so near a beach and therefore a steady clientele of customers. We drove, got stuck in PCH traffic, then walked…and what did we behold? GELATO PARADISO!!! (much better than Gelato Parasito, which will help you lose weight…but destroy our liver). So on the FOURTH place, we finally got gelato…and I'll be damned if it wasn't some of the most deliciously rewarding gelato ever consumed on this planet.
Unfortunately, this was not a thong store...
Then we decided to hit the beach so that I could get my tan on (and show all the jailbait what they'll be missing…for the next few years anyway). We searched the tide pool, boogie boarded, observed the surroundings, good times. Here is photographic evidence…
I did not take this picture of jailbait...
but my Wingman did while I was boogie boarding
I DID take this one though...and my eye's pulled to the left
Then it was time for another wonderful sunset…then hot tub with Copper Camels (Irish cream & butterscotch schnapps) by the Big Gulp…and then some of the best sleep you ever had on those legendary beds.
Day 5 - Laguna NiguelMy mom, aunt & cousin met up with us late the night before (wanted an extra day at Disneyland for some reason) so we met up in the morning for breakfast at Coco's before the Wingmans drove home (parental responsibilities) and then we hit the beach again…
My aunt, cousin and mom...playing the part of Zulu Princess
I know what you're thinking...and yes, those are J-Lo's legs
Then it was time again for another sunset…but this time during a little cloudy rainstorm…but still, absolutely gorgeous.
"$teve, I want you to build an ark..."
Then we got an early visit from the Easter Bunny. I tried to sneak in for a closer look…but to be honest, it was about 2 AM...it was raining…there was a full moon...and I was in my boxers trying to sneak up on this guy. He hippity hop-hopped away before I could get a good shot of him.
Day 6 - Irvine & Legoland
After a breakfast of Baja Fish Tacos (great place) the four of us (me, mom, aunt & cousin) headed out towards San Diego…with a few stops along the way. First off was a mall in Irvine because my aunt wanted to go to some store called Tall Girl (a lot better than my alternative name for the store, Big B**ch) but I was able to entertain myself…because they had a giant Ferris wheel, carousel and my favorite store.
Once again, my mom likes big cocks
A Carousel...
...with a Panda
A Ferris Wheel...
...with a View
...and my favorite store
Next stop was in Carlsbad to the mystical country of Legoland. Now, you may think that this place is totally lame because it's just a bunch of Legos and meant for little kids…but you'd be wrong, because this place is f**king awesome…because it's just a bunch of Legos…and meant for little kids of all sizes. There are scale models of some of the coolest cities & buildings in the world, a few rides (though yeah, pretty lame for the most part) but if you were ever a nerd for Legos, then this is your Mecca. I say check it out…but bring the kids. Here are pictures to convince you…I wanted to point out my mom's parking ability...
Notice that she is on the blue portion (aka sidewalk)
AND the front bumper is in the other person's spot
AND there's about four cars' worth of space
in this handicapped spot
My sweet cousin Alicia
"Sure, I'll fight him...but I'm not putting my drink down"
My Parents - Wonder Woman & The Batman
I was a little disappointed not all the bridges were Legos
Probably some Engineering reason for that...
Taj Mahal
Tur de Eifell
Mount Rushmore
New York City - Skyscrapers and everything...
Grand Central Station
VEGAS BABY!!! - My sultry sexy mistress...
A miniaturized version of a miniaturized version of Venice
The Luxor
New Orleans
Jackson Square
I've changed my mind
Instead of a Jazz Funeral, I want a LEGO Jazz Funeral
Washington D.C.
Can we build it? "YES WE CAN!!!"
Billy Shakespeare - We share a birthday
Elvis Aaron Presley
Marilyn Monroe (if she took a face dive off the Chateau Marmont)
San Francisco (next trip?)
Now for a trick of perception
From this angle, it looks like a bear with a coonskin cap
From this angle, it looks like a raccoon
taking the world's biggest sh*t
"Okay, this is a triangle...and STOP LOOKING AT MY PACKAGE!!!"
Now, you may think I'm perverted for this one...
but note that I'm gently pulling her hair, while petting
her "kitty" as she's bent over a well...
...but what the f**k is that bear doing while watching?
After that, we continued our drive to San Diego to check into our hotel and prepare for the next few days. I guess that'll be it for today. Tune in tomorrow when you get to see more cool stuff and hear more stories about my awesome trek through the Golden State. Have a great day everybody!!!
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