Watching Football with $teve

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

As mentioned in a previous post, I thought I'd share with you a few hours on a typical Sunday afternoon watching football with the great $teve... and from time to time his superhot roommates. Anyway, hope you enjoy...

NFL Football Log - Sunday, November 27, 2011

11:00 AM - I started the NFL Red Zone Channel around 11 AM because I was doing yardwork... but my backyard is now somewhat presentable. Not completely done... but not going to put fine touches on until winter's over. Besides, it's easily to just let the weeds die out from exhaustion than to pull them. Take that you thorny f**kers!!! Anyway, these are just thoughts that I had watching the games for a few hours... a few fun facts from my years of being a nerd... and there are a few topics that I'll throw in for your own reflections or discussions with loved ones. Enjoy!

11:00 AM - Jared Allen is a backup long snapper? Damn! That's a lot of money to pay for a backup special teams guy...

11:04 AM - Houston Texans has the best play action in the league as Leinart throws a TD to Drucker. Why do I mention it? Commentator says that Kurt Warner calls it the "best naked game" in the NFL.

11:04 AM - Broncos QB Tim Tebow is Kurt Warner without the hype? Think about it. They both had unexpected success with their teams & great starts to their careers... with pretty firm Christian values. But Tim Tebow is one of the most heralded college quarterbacks of all time... while a few weeks before Kurt Warner hit the scene, he was bagging f**king groceries in Iowa. Think about it.

11:06 AM - Why do so many cornerbacks have big ass dreadlocks? Is it because they're all under six-foot and going up against guys with 6 inches on them... so they think their hairstyle will help? Or just to cover up their name so that we don't see that they get burned? Discuss.

11:10 AM - Best strategy for Jets to win right now: Get it out of Sanchez's hands? Run, run, run, interception.

11:12 AM - Bills QB Ryan Fitzpatrick: Does he dress as a Leprauchaun for Halloween every year or just most years? Discuss.

11:12 AM - Colts winning? Or lose on purpose? They already have a two game lead on the Luck Sweepstakes & they're playing the Panthers. They've got a lead right now... but that's why they play the game.

11:12 AM - Fun fact: Two players on the Colts were on the 0-16 Detroit Lions team from a few years ago. Former pro bowl caliber linebacker Ernie Sims... and a record holding for horribleness quarterback by the name of Dan Orlovksy.

11:12 AM - As my roommates have said, Colts quarterback Curtis Painter has the prettiest hair in professional football.

11:12 AM - Fun fact: If Curtis Painter doesn't win today, he's probably going to be bench for the afforementioned Dan Orlovksy... which is unfortunate because he was raised in Indiana, played college ball at Purdue (in Indiana if you don't know) & was Peyton Manning's backup forever... and could be Andrew Luck's backup forever more. Sounds like a dream to me...

11:13 AM - Did Stevie Johnson just shoot himself in the leg for an endzone dance? Sigh... does he really think that's going to bother Plaxico? That guy's been to jail. Though I admire the hilarity of it... you're just being an ass for no reason... and I like you Stevie. Stop it!

11:14 AM - Injured Colts TE Dallas Clark on sidelines talking with NASCAR champion Tony Stewart. Still think NASCAR's a real sport? Just look at Tony lean back when he has to look at Dallas in the eyes... and then remember that Dallas is considered an "undersized" tight end. I rest my case.

11:15 AM - Kicker celebrations... really? Discuss.

11:15 AM - Fun fact: YouTube "Bill Gramatica celebration" after discussing previous point

11:15 AM - Mom called to discuss Christmas... I miss her terribly sometimes

11:31 AM - Cleveland Browns are leading the Cincinnatti Bengals. Will it last? Probably not.

11:31 AM - Fun fact: Injured Browns RB / Madden Curse victim Peyton Hillis was the THIRD string RB in college at Arkansas... behind current Raiders RB Darren McFadden & Cowboys RB Felix Jones.

11:32 AM - Announcers just confirmed that Stevie Johnson was mocking Plaxico... twenty minutes later... as Plaxico scored a go-ahead touchdown on the subsequent drive. Smooth move, ex-lax...

11:37 AM - Everytime that I see Rams QB Sam Bradford this year, I know that something horrible is about to happen for the Rams.

11:42 AM - How did the Arizona Cardinals beat the Eagles? The Rams are just as bad... but one of these teams has to win the game. God forbid it should go to overtime and be settled by a rookie's punt return for a touchdown again. They're both just so horrible.

11:42 AM - Fun fact: As horrible as they are, they could still beat the Eagles. WTF?

11:45 AM - Arizona lineman's last name... Hadnot. Bet that guy has now...

11:45 AM - Who the f**k is TJ Yates? Answer: He's the guy taking over at Texans QB for Matt Leinart. That was a quick comeback...

11:47 AM - GASP! Bills QB Ryan Fitzpatrick alleged called his 6'5" 330 pound center "fat" in an interview. It must be tough filling an entire football game with meaningless banter...

11:50 AM - Texans RB Chris Johnson finally got a nice fat contract... and has sucked all year. He seems to be doing okay today though. FINALLY!!!

11:51 AM - Pouha is fun to say "Poo-HA!!!"

11:51 AM - Whenever somebody mentioned injured Bills RB Fred Jackson... I feel compelled to sing he & his teammates' names like I'm Jamie Foxx on "Slow Jamz" for some reason... "Freddie Jaack-sonnnn... Stevie John-sonnnn... "

11:53 AM - I've seen three fumbles in the past 35 seconds on the Red Zone Channel... and Vikings RB Adrian Peterson isn't even playing. I'm perplexed.

11:55 AM - Just realized with that thought... that they haven't mentioned the Vikings / Falcons game in over an hour on this channel. It must REALLY be boring...

11:55 AM - YEESH!!! Just say a fat guy roll on a teammate's leg (Browns game)

11:56 AM - HEY!!! Vikings / Falcons are near the red zone...

11:57 AM - Bucs DB Aqib Talib just returned an interception for a TD... and then did this dance that I've seen a LOT over the past few weeks where... I don't know if they're eating a bowl of cereal (Wheaties?) or rolling an old video camera or what. What are they doing?

11:58 AM - We have a Jeremy Shockey sighting! He's now playing for the Carolina Panthers... and he just fumbled.

11:58 AM - While in Vegas last week, Jackie D & I used the term "Garcon!" to a point of severe irritance to people if they would've heard our drunk asses. Why do I mention it... because Colts WR Pierre Garcon just caught a pass.

11:58 AM - Fun fact: Garcon means boy. Discuss.

12:00 PM - The Colts have linemen with the last names of Saturday & Diem (Latin for "Day"). All they need to do is work out some trades to get guys with last names like Geburtstag, Tuesday & Christmas to make the greatest offensive line EVER!!! And yes... Mr. Tuesday's nickname would be "Fat" and he would be celebrated for WEEKS in New Orleans every year... with parades.

12:04 PM - Titans lineman Eugene Amano just caught a deflected pass

12:04 AM - Big guys running with the football & fat guy endzone dances are both rare & awesome. Discuss.

12:06 PM - Browns QB Colt McCoy was a four-year starting QB at the University of Texas... and he also has the most absolutely perfect name for a gunslinging QB from Texas - Colt McCoy. Go ahead & TRY to think of one better. "Tex... Holliday?" That may be the only possible competition.

12:07 PM - So... remember earlier when I said that horrible Rams / Cardinals game might end on a rookie's punt return again is a totally sarcastic manner? Sigh... apparently I'm the Nostradamus of sh*tty football because the same guy (Patrick Peterson) JUST did it again. He has four return TDs on the year now.

12:07 PM - Is Cardinals DB Patrick Peterson the next Devin Hester? Discuss.

12:08 PM - Quarterback slides. Discuss.

12:08 PM - Bills QB Ryan Fitzpatrick just got a touchdown with a deflected pass. Luck of the Irish?

12:09 PM - Bucs RB LaGarrette Blount is a BEAST!!! He's bursting through the line, hurdled a DB earlier in the game... oh... and now he just fumbled. Just when I was about to forget completely about him punching that Boise State player after their game back in college a few years back.

12:12 PM - Speaking of Boise State, rookie WR Austin Pettis just had a nice catch

12:12 PM - Speaking of BEASTS, former U of U / current Panthers WR STEVE SMITH IS (when healthy & motivated)!!!

12:13 PM - Another Jeremy Shockey sighting, he just had a nice catch... and then... did he just go Three Stooges? "Woowowowowwowowo..."

12:14 PM - A few Bengals receivers just made some nice plays and were pointing to the names on the back of their jerseys. Don't they know that it's about the name on the front of the jersey? It's a team sport. Also, don't they know that half of their team has been in a jail cell on more than one occasion? That's not cool.

12:18 PM - Bengals redheaded rookie QB Andy Dalton allegedly doesn't care for the nickname "The Red Rifle". Too f**king bad, because it's probably going to stick whether he likes it or not. I just say embrace it, rookie.

12:22 PM - The Vikings just threw a TD pass to WR Percy Harvin on 4th & 13 - That takes two things to happen: A feeling of nothing to lose... and BALLS!!!

12:24 PM - Are the Colts packing it in for the season? Discuss.

12:25 PM - Right on queue, Colts WR Reggie Wayne makes me look like a foolish a-hole with a great TD play

12:27 PM - The Browns / Bengals game now has NINE turnovers... and it's far from over...

12:28 PM - Every time that I see Titans K Scott Bironas line up for a field goal... my only thought isn't that he holds the NFL record with 8 field goals in a single game... but rather "M-m-m-myyyy Bironas!!!" to the tune of "My Sharona". There may be something wrong with me.

12:30 PM - Is there anything better than a kicker or punter actually making a tackle? Colts P McAfee just did. Discuss.

12:31 PM - Deuce break (meaning I went #2)

12:37 PM - Jackie D just text me about pictures from our Vegas adventure

12:40 PM - Falcons TE Tony Gonzalez is AMAZING!!! I know I've mentioned it before... but seriously...

12:40 PM - OMG!!! Rams QB Sam Bradford just got a TD!!! He did something that wasn't horrible!!!

12:47 PM - Cardinals RB Chris "Beanie" Wells just went over 200 yards? Really? Oh... he is playing the Rams...

12:48 PM - The Colts might actually win? They're down by 4 with 1:12 left

12:48 PM - This channel is chaotic when almost all the games are close with 2-4 minutes remaining...

12:49 PM - Damian Williams just a TD... and is doing that cereal / film rolling dance. What does it mean? Or is he just mocking Aqib Talib?

12:50 PM - Oh... right on queue, the Colts just threw an interception in the end zone (rather nice play by the Panthers though). They're still winless. Now the real question... will Dan Orlovsky come in and finish out the perfectly horrible season?

12:54 PM - Plaxico just made a nice one-handed catch. Oh... and Sanchez just threw his 4th TD pass of the day making my earlier statement look rather foolish. In my defense though, he was f**king up pretty bad earlier.

1:00 PM - Titans RB Chris Johnson just finished with 190 rushing yards. By far his best performance since his big contract signing.

1:01 PM - Bills WR Stevie Johnson just dropped a wide open TD pass. Karma's a f**king b**ch sometimes, ain't she?

1:02 PM - WHOA!!! Ryan Fitzpatrick just PLOWED that guy to get out of bounds to stop the clock. Good for him!

1:03 PM - Bad snap, Browns K Phil Dawson just missed a go-ahead 55 yarder for the Browns. Wah-waaaah...

1:05 PM - That was quick! Bengals WR AJ Green just got them down to the 2 yard line after the missed field goal.

1:07 PM - The Karmic circle is complete! The Bills just lost on an incomplete pass as time expires.

1:09 PM - Benglas K Mike Nugent just kicked the game-winning FG for the Bengals.

1:12 PM - Raiders K Sebastian Janikowski is one of my favorite players. Why? I remember him at Florida State... and he would make some serious tackles. He also has the body of a professional bowler, but can kick the piss out of football. Maybe that's why the late great Raiders owner Al Davis took a kicker in the first round for the first time since... well, ever? He's been in a few barfights... and I'm pretty sure that the other guy looked worse afterwards. However, I also see him as the kind of guy that seems like he's chugging beer on the sidelines and would kick a 50-yarder with a smoke in his mouth. I just like the guy.

1:12 PM - Raiders K Sebastian Janikowski & P Shane Lechler are the best pair of kickers on any team in NFL history. Argue... if you dare get in a discussion about kickers.

1:16 PM - QB Vince Young is starting for the Eagles. Just thought I should mention it...

1:16 PM - The announcer just used the terms "Tebowmania" & "Tebow-tastic" and I'm a huge fan... but it's just not necessary

1:17 PM - Also unnecessary, the San Diego Chargers' baby blue uniforms. Come on now...

1:19 PM - WOOOO!!! Vince Young just threw a bomb to WR Riley Cooper!!!

1:19 PM - Fun fact: WR Riley Cooper was Tim Tebow's college roommate at the University of Florida.

1:20 PM - RB LeSean McCoy just scored a TD! Fun fact: The Eagles have won 5 of their last 7 against the Patriots.

1:21 PM - TE Fred Davis just got a TD... and then did the cereal / film rolling thing. Seriously, what the f**k does it mean? Whatever happened to Tebowing?

1:22 PM - Chargers K Nick Novak just hit a career long 53 yard FG. Yay for kickers!

1:23 PM - F**K YOU, TOM BRADY!!! I don't hate the guy... and he hasn't even done anything to me personally yet... I just feel like it has to be said. Why does he get to be so f**king perfect? The only bad thing that I can say is that he left actress Bridget Moynahan ("The Recruit" & "I, Robot") when she was pregnant... but even then, he left for f**king Gisele Bundchen... and they have kids now... and he still seems like a great guy. F**K YOU, TOM BRADY!!!

1:24 PM - Patriots RB Benjarvis Green-Ellis - He has four names in my opinion...

1:27 PM - Surprise, surprise! It looks gloomy as hell in Seattle...

1:30 PM - Vince Young is 3-for-4 passing for 124 yards & a TD so far. Note to self: Check back later in the game to see how he's done since this moment.

1:37 PM - Announcer just said that "(Seahawks) have to burn one!" He's talking about a timeout... but you know what I'm saying...

1:42 PM - Patriots WR Wes Welker is so small that he should be an Eagles WR

1:43 PM - "Benjarvis Green-Ellis is a heavy runner" - Explanation given to that statement moments later: Though he's only 215 pounds, he hits with a "thud"... as opposed to a bonk or sparkle?

1:51 PM - Bears QB Caleb Hanie is making his 1st NFL start. So far in 8 pass attempts, he has three completions to the Bears... and two to the Raiders. Not good.

1:54 PM - Why not have out-of-work WR play as DBs? They're about six inches taller, right? Or is that just a though shared by only myself & Patriots coach Bill Belicheck? Discuss.

2:00 PM - WR Deion Branch just embarassed the Eagles secondary

2:06 PM - Why are the Oakland Raiders ALWAYS the most penalized team? Discuss.

2:12 PM - Seattle DB Sherman just did a Dikembe Mutombo finger wag... and for some reason, that irks me a little.

2:14 PM - I just heard that Broncos QB Tim Tebow has yet to complete a pass (0-for-4)

2:14 PM - Laundry break - Public Service Announcement to my roommates (and possibly most women of this generation): Please clean out the lint trap on the dryer. It's not that I don't mind doing it... but it's so that, for example, if I'm gone for a few weeks on vacation, or forget to one time, the motor won't overheat or the lint won't catch on fire & burn the apartment down. I know it's a long shot... but it happens... and I want you to be safe out there. Besides, it's a f**king lint trap. It's not like we're asking you to change the oil in the car or clean the rain gutters or do some landscaping or something.

2:21 PM - I got back just in time to see WR Wes Welker embarass the Eagles secondary

2:22 PM - Injured Bears QB Jay Cutler was just shown on the sidelines as I'm sure he will be throughout the game. He looks even more like a pouty b**ch when he's not wearing his helmet...

2:27 PM - Fun fact: QB Caleb Hanie's wife is hot (trust me, no photo to share but she was on TV)... and so is the redheaded chick next to her... not sure of relation.

2:28 PM - I called the screen pass that the Raiders just picked off.

2:33 PM - Uh-oh! It just showed that Janikowski has made 22 FG's in a row w/in 40 yards. That's usually a jinx. Whew... made it. MVP!!!

2:35 PM - Chargers DB Quentin Jammer may have the perfect name for a DB... except maybe Picky McStuffington or something.

2:36 PM - TEBOW TOUCHDOWN!!! He did a pump fake to a screen pass off the option... and that seems to always leave somebody open for the bomb down the field.

2:36 PM - Announcer: "Just tell him (Tebow) that it's the 4th quarter all the time!" Surprisingly good point...

2:37 PM - Red Zone Channel Halftime Show music - I don't know it... but I know that I don't like it...

2:41 PM - WOO!!! Eagles held Patriots to a FG on their 2 minute drill. Small victories...

2:42 PM - RZC Announcer about Riley Cooper's big catch earlier - "Tim Tebow's roommate... that's his name. Even his parents don't call him Riley Cooper." Nice!

2:45 PM - The boos have started in Philadelphia. Maybe they should just punt on 3rd down?

2:46 PM - RZC Announcer just used the term "BT" meaning Before Tebow. Just when you thought it couldn't get any more crazy for the Tim Tebow - Jesus Christ comparisons... this happens.

2:47 PM - Texans RB Arian Foster's TD dance is always the same... a simple bow with hands together. I like it. It shows respect for the Game.

2:53 PM - HUNGRY? Cereal / film rolling TD dance = Hungry? Really?

2:56 PM - The Washington Redskins now have a turnover in 25 straight games, the longest streak in the NFL. TAKE THAT, RACISTS!!!

3:01 PM - Patriots RB Danny Woodhead is Rudy with skills

3:07 PM - Broncos safety Brian Dawkins sighting! Sigh... I miss him being an Eagle.

3:07 PM - Right on queue, Patriots WR Wes Welker gets a TD against the Eagles

3:11 PM - There's a controversial pass interference call involving Seattle WR Mike Williams & Washington DB Josh Wilson. Announcer Jim Mora jr won't stop saying "awful" and "ridiculous" in regards to it.

3:17 PM - Game Break with commentator James Brown - "Remember when the Eagles had a 10-0 lead?" F**k you, JB!!!

3:20 PM - Patriots WR Julian Edelman is now playing DB. Belichick & I are f**king geniuses.

3:23 PM - The Raiders had 1st & goal at the 9 yard line... now it's 3rd & goal at the 26. Janikowski just made his 6th FG. MVP!!!

3:26 PM - Bad 4th down pass from Vince Young (the boos rain down)

3:31 PM - Seattle Seahawks have won 16 consecutive games with a lead at the end of the 3rd quarter. I think the Eagles have lost 5-6 consecutive games with that same stat...

3:33 PM - Seattle WR Golden Tate's TD celebration - Trust fall? Either that or a snow angel in Seattle... which is just worse.

3:34 PM - Field goal by Bears kicker Robbie GOOOOOOOOOULD!!!

3:40 PM - They just compared Jim Mora jr's college picture to David Cassidy

3:40 PM - "Best movement since the opening drive" Tehehehehe...

3:42 PM - Redskins RB Roy Helu just hurdled a guy & made it a ball game

3:47 PM - Mortal weapons cannot stop Tim Tebow!!! Only holding penalties...

3:49 PM - "FIRE!!! ANDY!!!" - Really, Philly fans? And replace him with who? Mick???

3:50 PM - Patriots TE Ron Gronkowski TD!!! Sigh... F**K YOU, TOM BRADY!!!

3:58 PM - Broncos WR Eric Decker has saved the savior (Tim Tebow) once again

4:01 PM - I just saw Broncos RB Lance Ball & Chargers DB Quentin Jammer on the same replay. The result: Their jerseys read "Ball Jammer"

4:01 PM - Fun fact: I have the same mental synapses as a 13-year old nerd...

4:04 PM - For some reason, we're looking at Redskins QB Rex Grossman's ass... and Nurse just said, "That's an interesting shot!" I believe they're trying to get a shot of his injured thumb as his hand is resting on his hip on the sidelines... but still... it is what it is.

4:10 PM - Tim Tebow just led a drive that ended in a game-tying FG. Womp womp!!!

4:16 PM - ONSIDE KICK!!! - Bears DB Tillman just hit a dude in the face. KAPOW!!!

4:26 PM - Bears QB Caleb Hanie just trying to do a fake snap, pass downfield in the final seconds... but apparently he was the only one that knew about it as the receivers stayed still. So then he spiked the ball to stop the clock... and was called for intentional grounding. OOPS!!!

4:28 PM - Replay of Bears WR #12 Brown "I'M OPEN! I'M OPEN DAMMIT!!!"

4:46 PM - Angelina Jolie is on "60 Minutes"? Hmm... I'm still not watching... though I admire your effort.

4:48 PM - Tebow & Broncos RB Willis McGahee just ran them well within FG range, K Matt Prater lines up... game over... Tebow is 5-1 as a starter. Thank you & God bless...

4:50 PM - Discussion: If a game ends in a tie after overtime. How should the win/loss be settled? Ties are for p**sies!!! I'm thinking arm wrestling... or some kind of full contact battle between one chose warrior from either team. Though my roommates brought up the great idea of... Red Rover. What do you think would work best? Discuss any options that come to mind.

That concludes today's ledger... as I don't care for the night game at all. I hope you enjoyed it... and if not, I'll be back soon with more nonsense that you may enjoy. Have a great night everybody!!!

What Happens In Vegas... Hammertime!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, it’s been yet another busy week where I feel like I’ve done so much… but still haven’t done anything (yard work, Jeep registration, career progression, etc). Anyway, when last I left you, I was on my way to Las Vegas to break Jackie D into the Quarter Century Club… Vegas Style!!!

Wednesday – After work, took a shuttle to the airport & flew out to Vegas, met up with Jackie D & her crew at the Cosmopolitan, and this was the official birthday so we headed out for some drinking. First stop was ROK at New York New York, which as you might have guessed… was pretty dead on a Wednesday night, but that basically just meant that we had the dance floor to ourselves & ladies drinks were free while we were there. After a while there, we went to Nine Fine Irishmen for some Guinness and tunes, then to Coyote Ugly… for about five minutes… then back to ROK where it was still dead… then to get some pizza (as we had been drinking steadily aka the Vegas diet, liquids only & lots of walking & dancing), walked back to the room, slept like a baby.

Thursday – May have slept like a baby, but woke up sounding like Barry White & feeling a little like his corpse (RIP homey). Actually wasn’t that bad, just needed some water and Wicked Spoon buffet and I was right on track ready to go. We wandered around the Strip a bit from MGM Grand to the Venetian & back during the day. Best part about hanging out with attractive African-American women all day on the Strip… is they’re so f**king hilarious. For example, there are legions of people trying to sell whatever on the Strip, whether it’s handing out coupons or hyping bars or tickets to shows or whatever. Well, one “gentleman” asked us if we were looking for some Soul Food. Well, they immediately responded with “That’s some racist sh*t right there, homey. What? You think I need some soul food? I’m straight. You know I got fried chicken in my purse. We all do. Where can I get my watermelon on?” Sad thing… I kinda wanted to know where I could get some good soul food… but I wasn’t about to let that conversation flourish. Everybody should speak their mind so freely… and alcohol helps.

"Excuse me miss but I can see your... everything."

That night, we had dinner at Tao, which was pretty good (pictures), then to the club portion with special guest DJ Rev Run of Run DMC. After a while there, we headed over to Tryst who had an unannounced special guest DJ by the name of Jermaine Dupri (So So Def Records). Maybe you’ve heard of him… Good times and the clubs were actually cool too. I liked the waterfalls at Tryst… and the amateur stripper poles.

Happy birthday, Jackie D!!!

DJ Rev Run!!!

Trust me, it's Jermaine Dupri...

Friday – More strip wandering during the day, with Jackie D & I stopping at Diablo for some drinks to get ready for the night at the Palms. First stop was Ghostbar located at the top of the hotel with a beautiful shot of the skyline. Next stop was the VIP lounge at Rain with special guest DJ Jazzy Jeff (the other guy from Fresh Prince of Bel Air) and thanks to complimentary drinks (well, tips stacked up as the empty glasses were taken away), good beats & a friendly atmosphere, there was crazy shenanigans going on that night. I’d love to go into details, but you know the rules of Vegas. Pictures…

I'm not sure how they let me

leave the hotel room in that outfit...

Saturday – Now, we weren’t particularly weakened by the activities of the previous nights, but I honestly just blame MTV for making us stay in pretty much all day. First off, we were flipping through the channels… and there was “True Life: I’m a Marijuana Dealer” which obviously peaked our interest (always looking for a new career) and frankly the people on there were so crazy & dramatic (as you might expect from an MTV reality show) so we had to watch it. What followed it up?

A movie that I hadn’t seen but somehow felt a connection to was called “Hustle & Flow” starring Terence Howard & LUDA!!! Sorry, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges. Anyway, it’s about a pimp / hustler from Memphis (Howard) who runs into an old high school friend who is now a music producer (Anthony Anderson). Then, through divine intervention at a gospel recording, he decides that he wants to leave the pimp game to be a rapper. He records a record with the help of his friend and his friend’s friend (DJ Qualls of “The New Guy”, who basically plays me in this movie, crazy white boy who simply irresistible to the ladies) and tries to pitch it to his old buddy Skinny Black (LUDA!!!) who is a bonafide hip-hop superstar. Best part: Watching this movie with the ladies and just commenting on all the crazy stuff in it… and the other movies that followed. I really like this movie, but definitely need to see the unedited version. It’s an Academy Award winning film y’all.

Next up was “Get Rich or Die Tryin’” starring 50 Cent which I’m pretty sure that I’ve already elaborated upon… and still enjoy… but again, watching it with the ladies, you REALLY have to question the love story that they had in there. Joy Bryant’s character must be outside her damn mind. That was followed by “Notorious” about Biggie Smalls while we were getting ready to go out on the town again to Lavo. The club was pretty nice… but we honestly didn’t stay out too long because… well, this was their 5th straight night… and Jackie D’s friend Co-Real is kind of a lightweight, so I ended up playing the role of (and I quote) “Captain Save-a-ho” and getting her home so that Jackie D could continue to dance & party a bit. No worries. I could’ve used the rest anyway… and besides, I had driving to do the next day.

Sunday – I was supposed to meet up with Barbie & Keanna this weekend… but due to work schedules & Keanna getting into trouble at school, that wasn’t meant to be. Too bad because I’m pretty sure that Keanna would’ve loved going to the Grand Canyon with us. As it was, Jackie D, Co-Real & I loaded up and drove about four hours to the south rim. Before getting there, we stopped in the little town of Grand Canyon & had Mexican food at a little place there. We were VERY suspect of the place when we were almost absolutely certain that they didn’t get the order right… but they surprised us & presented us with some amazing food… and the drinks were thorough as well. By the way, did you know that it snows at the Grand Canyon? Me neither… but please enjoy the pictures…

One of us is driving 90 MPH down the freeway...

and therefore looks ridiculous in this picture...

The Earth's coolest hole...

"Snow? Seriously?"

That night after driving back & dropping Co-Real at the airport, Jackie D & I were looking for a dive bar. We had done clubs all the other nights… but we were looking for something with Guinness on tap, games, & where dressing up would be a t-shirt & jeans without holes. Well, there was one place on the Strip that met those requirements & I hadn’t really ventured before - O’Shea’s. You’ve all walked past it on the Strip. Hell, some of you may love it. For those who have yet to venture this little treasure, it’s basically a very small casino with some oddities. Earlier in the week, there was a little person dressed as a leprechaun hollering at people about the upcoming beer pong tournament. If we didn’t have plans, we might’ve stayed for that. However, this evening, we were looking to drink a bit. So we went to the bar… and from the small bar, you could see… in the same sitting… the bar, beer pong tables, a food court AND the table games (roulette, blackjack, etc) at the same time. The clientele - drunk white people from wall to wall. They were dancing to Irish jigs (sort of), showing off their tattoos, playing beer pong, and Jackie D even made a friend at the ATM that was having second thoughts about getting a tattoo. However, after having an allegedly awkward conversation, she did it… having been inspired by Jackie D (somehow) and came back to show us later in the night. Yeah, it was awesome… and then we went to Fatburger for some greasiness to soak up the booze later on. Good times.

Monday – Most of my day was spent at the airport… really doing nothing. I did walk around a bit after checkout but yeah, nothing really to report about this day.

Tuesday – We had our Work Outing so my first day back to work was a half day… followed by a trip to Alcatraz, then a wine tasting at Bulxome Street Winery, ending in various tapas at Epic Steakhouse with white elephant gifts, baby pics, trivia & all the while being driven around town in a luxury motorcoach. Yeah, not a bad way to live, right? Fitting rewards for all of our hard work this year… and plenty more to come in the next.

Wednesday – Another shortened workday but got caught up from the Vegas trip thankfully.

Thursday – Thanksgiving was to be spent in Santa Rosa with my Aunt Faye, Uncle Dennis & Cousin Steph as well as meeting her husband Tom for the first time. There was fried turkey, fantastic stuffing, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie & plenty of drinks to wash it all down… and some great football too. Really a great time spending Turkey Day with the family, even if it’s not with the whole family back in Utah.

Friday – Half day at work followed by lounging at home. The roommates were either out of town & most of my local friends had their own plans going on… so I caught up on some TV from Vegas week… and watched “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” from Netflix. This is the fourth installment of the series starring Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow… and is a prequel where he’s in search of Ponce de Leon’s legendary Fountain of Youth… but so is the British navy led by Admiral Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) and the dread pirate Blackbeard (Ian McShane). Throw in Penelope Cruz… and you’ve got a pirates tale. I enjoyed it… but it was just like the previous three… though I’d say it was my favorite… because I didn’t have to listen to Orlando Bloom & Keira Knightley. Sorry, it’s just the truth. I’d much rather listen to Penelope Cruz. It’s just how I’m wired, I think… and there was some hot mermaid action. Anyway, if you liked the first ones, check it out.

Saturday – I FINALLY fixed up the backyard by sectioning off the garden & firepit and laying down the redwood chips. It only took a few hours once I got the materials & J-Mo loaned me the tools, but it looks a thousand times better already… and more to come… even if it’s just in time for rain & cold weather. It’ll still be good to get the foundation set and then touch up when spring comes around. Observe…

That night, I watched “Just Go With It” with the roommates and starring Adam Sandler & Jennifer Aniston. It was the first Adam Sandler movie of the year, now on DVD, but the basic synopsis is that a plastic surgeon (Sandler) has been lying about having an abusive wife for 20 years to pick up random strange at bars & other social gatherings. Not a bad system, I’m sure. Well, he meets a super hottie (Brooklyn Decker) who he falls for… but she finds a wedding ring… and now, for some reason, he has to spiral into this web of lies to try to keep her. Eventually it involves his assistant (Aniston) and her kids… and it just goes from there… evolving into a family vacation to Hawaii… and nothing romantic EVER happens in Hawaii. Now, I understand the premise… sort of. You tell one lie… and it grows… and grows… and grows… but come on. Even for an Adam Sandler movie, it’s kind of weak. Regardless, the movie was somewhat funny & even feigned sincerity at some times. I enjoyed it… and let’s face it, Jennifer Aniston’s still pretty amazing in a bathing suit… and Brooklyn Decker as well… and there’s even some hilarious cameos by Nicole Kidman & Dave Matthews.

Well, that’ll do it for the past few weeks really. We’re supposed to get internet by Friday so that’ll help with frequency of these things… but hey, I’m trying. Besides, Christmas & Hanukkah & Kwanza are just around the corner… so be merry, b**ches!!! Have a great day everybody!!!