Reruns...

No, not that Rerun.

I was fully expecting to be completely hung over this morning, but I wanted to get something up and out to you anyway, so I decided that I was going to put up some of the old videos that we used to do and learn you something. Videos like this one here about what it means to be Proactive

Yeah, that sexy beast in the video is me. This blog isn't my first attempt at putting things out there for you. We were making these video blogs a bit, and they're pretty damn informative on some real things, but my production quality, well, it's crap... and the videos are long by most standards.... not to mention it took me at least a week to do all the editing, so I stopped. 

Don't worry sister, I am. It always cracks me up seeing what I find when I'm looking to do these things. It's not just the random whacky images or the crazy shit that people do... well, yeah, it is. Life is the BEST!

Speaking of looking things up. I think I've been going to the wrong beaches. She caught herself a fish, the one eyed trouser trout. Like any good fisherman, as soon as she gets home she's going to find out just how it tastes. Unless they allow fires on the beach, then it won't have to wait that long. And from what I'm seeing here... I bet the allow fires on the beach....

I should know exactly how it is that they found themselves together out there on the high seas, I've studied it long enough. A lot of you have probably seen this before, I'm explaining why we go for the people we do, to date or screw. My good buddy Walt and I have taken this knowledge into the field and studied it, like zoo keepers observing the chimps, and the tricks of the trade are like gold, they get it done. The funny thing about this is that it's angled for guys, because I'm a guy, but I have more women asking me about it than anything else. They want to know why they always go for the worst thing for them (and they do) and what tricks the guys use to get them (and they work). I'm excellent in this capacity girls, not much for the tricks myself, but I can sure as hell tell you when it's working against you.

What?

Uh.. What?

What do you want to bet these two know each other. They're probably dating. Somewhere some good guy thinks that blond is just great, but she treated him like shit. Instead, she's all over this guy right here. Just look at how much he's got to offer.

But I think the look on this guys... er... chicks.. ah... guys face says it all. I leave the URL info on the pics up there purposely most of the time in case you want to go check out who's bringing it to you. StupidHumans.org must be the shit, I wouldn't know though, I didn't specifically go to the site. Every one of this pics came up randomly in my search for truth.

Now THAT is sexy! Actually, I really do like her back. And I can almost guarantee this little lady rocks in bed. You probably have to beat the hell out her though, or she won't respect you. Give her a good right hook though and she'll be ready for....

But listen fellas, really, before you take that next step and take the plunge, make sure you do the right thing and have a proper send off... you know what I'm talking about too... the bachelor party

How awesome is this? I always knew there was a family out there for me. Check out the smile on Mom's face in the back there. The baby looks like she's hungry. What a good baby, patiently waiting her turn. Is that his sister? Or maybe she's with the dude in the camouflage. When she gets older, you know what she's going to dress up as for Halloween?

That's right, there you have it. This comes right out of the handbook for perfect parenting. Which one of them do you suppose designed that costume? He worked on getting the tail out of that short skirt... the tits are all her....

But it could always be worse. Why is it that the mouth on his face by his ballsack is a whole lot happier than the mouth.... seriously, I don't see anything wrong with this. For Christmas I'm getting everyone life sized posters of myself. I think it's that jacket that'll be giving me nightmares, but what the hell do I know.

And having nothing to do with anything at all, I just thought, for a second, that we could all use just a little perspective. If you have to ask who that is I can't talk to you. If you have to ask who that is, Bush, Obama, Sara Palin, Al Sharpton, Charlie Sheen... they're not the problem with America... YOU ARE!

Speaking of Charlie Sheen... his Comedy Central roast is coming next Monday.... EPIC!

I'm tired. I think I'll go home now.

Later People!

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Earthquakes, Hurricane Irene, 2012 and the end of the World!

First it was the non-stop daily thunderstorms that were beginning to make it look like the biblical floods, then an earthquake that shook the entire east coast, and now we're bracing ourselves for Hurricane Irene which will be barreling through shortly. All of this has seemed to make us forget the long, long winter that dumped snow storm after snow storm on top of us, covering everything in pearly white (or black and yellow here in the city), not to mention that tornados have touched down in the city, and the tsunamis and earthquakes that are killing people in record numbers across the planet. So here it is folks, 2012, end of the world baby.

The real question now is how do you think we're going to go out?

Do you think it's going to be like the John Cusack 2012 flik where the planet goes apeshit all at the same time, ripping the earth apart? That scene with tornados destroying L.A. was really cool, but the rest of the movie pretty much sucked.

Or do you think it's going to be like The Day After Tomorrow and everything north of the Mason Dixon line is going to freeze in a matter of days, wiping us all out? That's probably a better movie than I originally gave it credit, but my only real knock against it was, for a disaster movie, they didn't show enough people dying. And it had one of those messages about the planet. Look, there are more people in earth than any other time in history, probably more than are supposed to be here. People exhale carbon dioxide. If what they say about global warming is true and carbon emissions are to blame, the very act of 7 Billion people breathing will do just as much damage as anything else.

On a side note, one of the co-stars of that movie, the very hot, very sexy Emmy Rossum, gets naked and gets nailed on nearly every episode of Showtimes Shameless. If you haven't seen that show you have no idea what you're missing; it's probably the best show in TV.

But how can we forget about asteroids? Are we in for an Armageddon, destined to go out just like the dinosaurs? You'll hear me say this over and over again, but that movie is the EXACT reason why everything completely sucks these days; a sheer lack of standards. Bruce Willis and his band of outlaw drillers go into space to save the planet from total annihilation. Yeah, right; how far into lift off do you think the fat guy gets before his heart explodes in his chest? Get the hell out of here. And people were saying at the time it was the greatest movie they had ever seen, which tells you all you need to know about what the people have to say.

And it also tells you all you need to know about why Jerry Bruckheimer sucks! If I see one more slow motion walk I'm going to puke. If you didn't know, Team America World Police was made to rip that clown apart. Deep Impact, starring Morgan Freeman and Frodo was a much better, much more realistic movie dealing with the same issue and got completely swept aside by morons.

As much as Bruckheimer sucks ass, I think Tony Scott has to be my favorite director outside of Cameron Crowe. Last night I caught "Unstoppable" on HBO and I was caught on the edge on my seat for the entire ride; not easy to do with a chain chasing a train. Everytime he and Denzel Washington hook up on a project it's always something entertaining. Just look at the list of fliks Scott has directed, Unstoppable, Taking of Pelham 123, Deja Vu, Man on Fire, Spy Game, Enemy of the State, The Fan, Crimson Tide, True Romance, The Last Boyscout, Days of Thunder and Top Gun.

Tony Scott should do an end of the world movie! Denzel can save us all!

Regardless of the situation I think it's about time each of us came up with a plan for what we'd do if it all went bad. It's something we used to discuss on a regular basis in my good ole garage days in Vegas, but it's something we should probably keep in mind all the time. What do you do? Where do you go? Who do you try to save? And finally... one of my favorite thoughts that I like to plan for more than I do for when it all goes bad... how do we re-populate the species!

I know I have my list of who I'm going to save.... they're all on that re-populate list... you know, because you should always try to kill 2 birds with 1 stone.... Emmy Rossum is definitely on it...

AMERICA! F... well, I'll let you finish the rest.

Later People!