A Dangerous M-E-T-H-O-D Maaan

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,


Just thought I’d say howdy before I’m preoccupied the next week or so with Jackie D coming to visit. It’s gonna be EPIC!!! Like Vegas… but in San Francisco. Too bad C-Real can’t be here to share… but she got her visit about a year ago. I can’t believe I haven’t seen Jackie D since Vegas nearly 18 months ago. WTF? How are we still buddies like this? We were roommates over two years ago… for like six weeks… then she left for Philly… then we met up for a week in Vegas… and that’s it. Yeah, we text & whatever… but it’s like we’re friends from back in the day or something. Weird, right? Anyway, this week is gonna rock… but here’s the last week first… with a few movie reviews…


First movie up was one I forgot to mention last time, “A Dangerous Method” starring Michael Fassbender, Viggo Mortenson & Keira Knightley. This movie is from the director of some of Viggo’s best other work including “History of Violence” & “Eastern Promises” but is a tale about the birth of psychoanalysis, the two men who headed its introduction into modern curriculum Carl Jung (Fassbender) & Sigmund Freud (Mortensen), and a Russian patient (Knightley) who influenced both of their findings. Set in early 20th century Vienna (God, I have to go visit that place) and going over the span of many years, it deals with how these two incredibly intelligent men had very differing principles in the idea of psychoanalysis & how these idea (and men) often conflicted in a scientific sense… and Keira Knightley goes from bat sh*t crazy to another key cog in the process… and bangs Carl Jung… a lot… despite being married to a wealthy women with children. Yeah, it’s not a great romantic comedy or anything… but hey, most real history isn’t. The movie was very interesting… albeit not totally enthralling at times. Keira Knightley actually acts a bit… which you know, doesn’t usually have to happen in her movie choices. The two lead actors also do decent jobs but… yeah, not my real cup of tea. Intriguing though. Feel free to give it a gander. Check out the preview & you’ll pretty much know what you’re getting into. Decide from there.

Next up was “War Horse” starring a horse… and the only other actors I really recognized were Tom Hiddleston (Loki from “Thor”) and Benedict Cumberbatch (aka Khan from new Star Trek), both very briefly. Steven Spielberg directs this movie about a teenage English boy & his horse… and then the World War breaks out & the father gives the army the horse… the boy is distraught… and then the rest of the movie is pretty much about the horse & how it goes from owner to owner… from an English general… to the Germans… to a French farm… back to the English infantry… and so on for about two hours. Now, Dizzy & I wanted to watch this movie. She because she LOVES horses… and I because I typically enjoy Spielberg movies, especially war ones like “Saving Private Ryan.” The thing about this movie is… from the horse lover perspective (and historical) there are MANY, MANY flaws. That being said, I can forgive a lot of those. I mean… Django. For me, the main problem was… they basically tried to tell a movie that, for all intensive purposes, was a kids film about the eternal love of a boy & his horse and how (spoiler alert) they come back together against all odds as long as they never gave up on one another. Fun fact: Both of them had given up on one another… because one was a horse… and the other was a teenager who then enlisted into the army… and even in this movie they coincidentally got back together in a pretty unrealistic way. Anyway, kids movie on that premise… but set in the gritty environment of wartime… including sets of trench warfare & ambush fighting. For all intensive purposes, it was a beautifully shot movie & well crafted for what it was… but maybe I just couldn’t let everything go with regards to the unrealistic premise when it was so based in reality. Call me a heartless fool if you will… but yeah, I didn’t particularly care for this movie. Sorry Steven. You know I’d prefer to show love to fellow $teve’s.


Saturday, Dizzy & went to San Jose to attend the BIG WOW Comic Convention… however, when we got to town & saw the convention center, there was a line around the block just to get in & it was already around 1 PM when we got there. Poor planning on our part maybe… but since we were in town, we decided to check out the Technology Museum just a few blocks away… and it was pretty awesome. They have some great exhibits regarding the development of computers, the science behind them, different methods of harnessing energy & how it all works, space exploration, underwater exploration, inventors, genetics, robotics& all sorts of other things. It’s definitely set up more as a children’s museum obviously but still very interesting for adults as well. Here are some pictures from the museum and downtown area…

While at the museum, we decided to watch “Star Trek Into Darkness” in IMAX (Dizzy didn’t see it on Wednesday like I did). That night after some dinner, we drove back to Dizzy’s and watched “Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan” since I had never seen it. I know… shocking!!! I’ve seen enough clips & parodies to feel like I had seen it… but yeah, I haven’t seen a LOT of Star Trek shows in my life. The movie itself was pretty entertaining… Ricardo Montelban was a pretty decent villain as he usually is (“Naked Gun”) and while watching… I totally realized a lot more of the tie-ins with new one “Star Trek Into Darkness” including Kirk’s love interest Carole Marcus (who is played in the new one by Alice Eve) so I guess I now know where those little glances are leading to… and it’s apparently a blonde curly haired son a foot taller than either his father or mother if “Wrath of Khan” is any indication. Oh… and you haven’t seen “Wrath of Khan” yet then you probably never intended to… but it’s pretty good as far as Star Trek movies go. Go ahead and check it out… if not just for the lines you’ve already heard like “Revenge is a dish best served cold” or “From Hell’s heart I stab at thee” or the legendary “KHHAAAAAAAN!!!”


Monday after work, I spent the night cleaning & fixing my bathroom sink… it was just clogged, but I didn’t want to break anything… and drain-o and such didn’t work at first, so then I had to get some gloves so as not to burn my skin (according to the bottle). That night was pretty lame… but Tuesday night was a little soirée with my coworkers to wish my boss a fond farewell as he moves to the Los Angeles office. The party was held in a manager’s home in Pacific Heights and… she must be making a lot more than I do. It was VERY nice… and she did a wonderful spread & was an excellent host. Throughout the evening we just chatted about this & that, how “Caddyshack” may be overrated as a movie but it’s basically the male equivalent of “Dirty Dancing” to the ladies, ex-boyfriend stories, ex-coworker stories, favorite places to eat, tips for my boss going to LA to find decent food, and as the wine flowed we all got more & more hilarious. A great time was had by all. Definitely one of the best parties that I’ve had with my coworkers even though it was basically just us sitting & drinking. I’m actually gonna miss the Boss Man… especially since the rumor is that the new Boss Man might be my old Boss man from Tahoe… but that’s just a rumor, so we’ll see.


So yeah… Saturday morning is when Jackie D flies into town on her magic carpet & we’ve already got plans for brunch at the Magic Flute & a nice trip out to Wine Country… and then she’ll have plenty of time to check out the city again or hang with Dizzy while I’m at work… but a great FOUR DAY WEEKEND is coming up so I’m really excited about that. Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Turkey Day 2 - Revenge of the Turks

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

This week has been pretty busy & fun… so I’ll catch you up a bit on it. Last week, I was introduced to a wonderful little made-for-TV Lifetime movie called “The Christmas Counselor” (thanks Soup) starring David Hasselhoff as the ultimate Christmas party planner… and yes, The Hoff was creepy & charismatic… and I highly recommend that you watch it with your friends. Or better yet, do what I did… and fast forward to the parts with the Hoff while watching it with your friends & enjoying a few beverages. ‘Twas awesome for the holidays…

Saturday, Dizzy prepared a little Orphan’s Thanksgiving for some of her friends… and the food was magnificent. That girl can cook. She may make a lucky bastard a very happy fat man someday. We ate for what seemed like hours… behold...

 

Then we watched a little nugget from our childhoods by the name of “Super Mario Bros” starring Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo & Dennis Hopper. Now… if you’ve never seen this movie, you might be kinda lucky. However, it’s not really any more ridiculous than the concept of the video game of which it’s based, just attempted to be made into a movie. Dialogue: Ridiculous. Plot: Preposterous. Visual effects: Early 90’s, so… do you remember the live action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies? That kind of stuff. It was interesting to mock as most childhood movies can be… but yeah, definitely don’t watch it alone. You’ll turn it off about ten minutes in, at most. Dennis Hopper is in blonde cornrows. Need I really say more? By the way, I'm pretty sure the Washington Post comment on the movie poster "It's a Blast!" was taken out of context. I'm trying to research it but I think the excerpt it was taken from was something like "This movie? It's a blast in the face of movie watchers from an unwelcome fallus!!! Shield your eyes!!!"

Sunday, I spend most of the day watching football as I feel I should on my day off… but also had fun with Dizzy & Batgirl as they made fun of how homoerotic the sport & its commentary are (it’s a fact, just about everything can easily be turned very dirty and/or disturbing) and also chatting about this & that. I also multitasked by doing some Xmas shopping (via phone) and making lunch (also via phone, Village Pizzeria). It was a pretty chill day of me watching football while they did homework.

Monday was the preview screening of “The Hobbit” (because I’m a G) and let’s just say… it was a LOT more exciting then I thought it was going to be based on the children’s tale that was one short movie and is now being extended to three epics… Peter Jackson is basically just jerking himself off with all of the amazing special effects that he can do… and for being nearly three hours long, it really flew by… like… I drank a liter of Mountain Dew right before the show & didn’t even need to go to the bathroom… I’m assuming because my body was so intensely drawn into the movie that it didn’t even process the juices in my stomach until a later time. Also, Sir Ian McKellen is a badass. Now, I just can’t wait to see the next two movies… because this one effectively teased the reason for watching the whole trilogy… and that’s Smaug the Dragon (not the air over Los Angeles). Peter Jackson & Game of Thrones know where the money is… and it’s in teasing dragons effectively (also, probably one reason why the Eragon series didn’t really take flight). Anyway, go check out this movie as soon as possible.

Wednesday night was a Work Outing with my team of coworkers… and we had a lot of fun. Our first stop was to the Boys & Girls Club to help with homework and make some awesome Christmas ornaments. That was a lot of fun… and of course the kids were mesmerized by my height. Next stop was Floragrubb to make some things for us… basically they’re called airariums… and are like little terrariums… but in ornament sizes, so super mini. Here are a few pictures…

Our dinner & white elephant gift exchange this year was at 1300 Fillmore which is one of my favorite little spots right next to Yoshi’s. We were well fed, well drank (is that right? Drinked? Drunken?) and had a grand time just relaxing outside of the work environment. What was the white elephant that I got? Well, I’d love to share… but I plan on regifting it to somebody who will actually REALLY appreciate it… so to be continued. The food was excellent though, so check out 1300 Fillmore if you’re in the area.

Thursday night, a few of my friends & I met up for a special preview of "Gangster Squad" starring Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, Josh Brolin & Sean Penn. Now, I was very skeptical of this movie... because it looked like it was going to try to be an "LA Confidential" kind of movie... but it had a Jay-Z song in the preview... and was from the director of "Zombieland" Ruben Fleischer. Was it going to be serious? A comedy? An abortion? Who knows? But it had great potential for any of them. (By the way, fun fact: The director of LA Confidential Curtis Hanson, also directed an episode of "Greg the Bunny" so diversity isn't necessarily a bad thing) The movie is based on a book, that allegedly is inspired by true events in 1940's Los Angeles about an old school police chief (Nick Nolte) putting together a small squad of the few remaining good cops in the LAPD (back when there were a few) to take down crime kingpin Mickey Cohen (Penn). Now, the movie is almost exactly what you would expect from the preview... there are lots of guns & fighting... and actually a pretty even punch-bullet ratio... there are not going to be any Academy Awards handed out for this movie... but it's well shot, Sean Penn does a pretty convincing insane Mickey Cohen... Gosling & Brolin are who they are... Emma Stone continues to be hot... there are a few laughs, a few tears, a lot of cheesy elements... but all in all, not a horrible movie. It's been pushed back a few times from its initial release date due to all of the shootings in the news given its violent nature (& a few deleted scenes involving a movie theatre) but yeah, if that's what you're looking for, you probably won't be disappointed... except maybe for the over cheesiness at some points. Give it a gander if that's you thing.

 

Also, I got my Christmas present from Dizzy... and she's amazing... and she made me action figures. What? Made? Action figures? That's right. See... we've been working on my side project... which is a comic book... and she made a few of the characters out of other toys & her own artistic awesomeness... so behold a few creatures from... ROBOPANDA vs ZOMBIE DINOSAURS!!!

 

I know... you want to place your orders now... patience, my friends! The first issues should be coming soon... and they're well worth the wait. Unfortunately we just have REALLY busy schedules... but I will keep you posted on the release dates. In the meantime, I'm off to Utah for Christmas vacation in a few days so... HAVE A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY / CHRISTMAS / HANNUKAH / KWANZA / COLLEGE FOOTBALL BOWL / WHATEVER TIME!!!

ALL of the Stars

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Been a pretty fun week I guess... not sure if I mentioned in past posts that I was nominated for an award at work... but I was completely surprised when I ended up winning it Wednesday. Yup, I basically won an employee of the quarter award. It's one of those things where you work hard, do your best, collaborate with a lot of other great employees who also use their gifts to the best of their abilities on a daily basis... and you think "There's no way I can win this. Very few people know who I am or what I do. They've been here longer. Other nominees are more socialable & more deserving, it's an honor just to be nominated." Then you win... and it's kinda like... "Damn right! It's about time!" Okay, so it was more like "HWHAAAAT???" So yeah, kind of on cloud nine about that thing... but that's not all that happened this week.

Rick Majerus Passed Away - Back in 1999, I was on the practice squad for the University of Utah men's & women's basketball team... so I got to work a little bit with the men's head basketball coach, Mr. Rick Majerus. His grasp of the game of basketball & the strategy behind it was amazing... and his coaching career will show it. From working with the championship winning Marquette team in the 70's to leading the U of U to the national championship game in the 90's, helping players like Andre Miller & Keith Van Horn to take their game to the professional level and so on. Was he the nicest man in the world? I would vote no... then again, a surprising number of celebrities have called me an A$$hole over the years... he probably just did it the most... but hey, that's his style I guess. Even those that loved him would probably say the same. Unfortunately, he was also a large man with a large appetite that didn't pair well with health problems... and unfortunately a tumultuous decade, it finally caught up with him. My deepest condolences to his family... and I hope that he was able to find some peace.

The college football championship is set up as Notre Dame vs Alabama... or the Fightin' Irish vs the Crimson Tide... or as I prefer to look at it, the St. Patrick's Day versus That Time of the Month. It should make for an interesting game... but it's going to be difficult to top the SEC Championship that Alabama played against Georgia to set it up. Pro football has been pretty good today too. A few overtime games... Eagles playing tonight, thought their season is basically done... good times.

Friday night, I put up my Christmas tree... now just need presents for under it...

Saturday, I helped Dizzy with a booth of her amazing creations at a craft fair at the Pinole Senior Center... and it was actually a lot of fun. We set up in the morning, and we were easily the youngest people there by about... 30 years easy. Dizzy made a variety of cool things to sell for reasonably cheap... but unfortunately the weather was REALLY rainy so turnout wasn't the greatest. However, we still made enough to cover expenses for the table, got a great lunch for a $10 donation, even found a few trinkets for a few bucks from other crafters... oh & I got to hang out with my ladyfriend for a few hours on an otherwise rainy day. Here's an early shot of her table before we made a few adjustments... great practice for our next table, wherever that might be.

Saturday night, we watched the highly anticipated "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" starring Rufus Sewell, Benjamin Walker & Dominic Cooper... and from the director of "Wanted" so you know it's historically accurate & obeys the laws of physics & reality. Long story short, it's the story of young Abraham's mother being killed by a man... so he grows up with a heart full of vengeance... and then when he tries to kill the man as a teenager (Walker), he discovers he's a vampire... and then he's saved by a man (Cooper) who becomes his mentor... and trains him to hunt & kill vampires. Now... yes, the story is imaginative & I really liked it because... well, I'm a little crazy & like everybody else I like the idea of Abraham Lincoln hunting vampires (already working on Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter & then collaborate with Rob Zombie on Werewolf Women of the SS). If you're looking for historically accurate telling with minimal plotholes... then by all means watch Steven Spielberg's "Lincoln" like I did a few weeks ago. This movie will be full of CGI, action craziness, a little bit of gore, lots of questions regarding plot pionts, and you'll have to stretch a bit to go with the plot point that vampires killed the native Americans & kept slavery intact for so long... but as long as you can get through that, you'll probably enjoy it. It's basically like any other superhero story... just instead of a rich orphan with unlimited funds & cunning becoming Batman, it's an orphan with an axe who hunts vampires & become President. Enjoy! Unrelated, I watched this with Dizzy & Batgirl... and we followed this up with "Expendables 2", the latest episodes of "The Walking Dead" & "Comic Book Men" and then capped off the night with "Land of the Dead." Yeah, it was fitting.

I think that'll do it for tonight. Can't believe it's already December. Better do some Christmas shopping. Have a great week everybody!!!

I'M GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yes, it's true... I'm going to the Super Bowl. No, not as a player, but as a spectator. Also, I will be going to Mardi Gras again. Last time seems so long ago and it was only four years ago... and frankly it was a few moves ago. Allow me to specify a bit to avoid any confusion on the current situation. Yes, I will be in the city of New Orleans for basically the first two weeks of February. Yes the Super Bowl will be in the Superdome on February 3rd. Yes, Fat Tuesday, the last day of Mardi Gras is February 12th so I'll be there for the week-plus of parades & celebrations leading up to it. Yes, I have a plane ticket. Yes, I have the vacation approved from my work (the real concern... but they've been impressed with my performance). Yes, I have a place to stay at Filly's crib (on her couch but totally fine for me).

No, I don't have an actual ticket to the Super Bowl yet... but if I find the right deal then I'll be at the actual game... worst-case, I'll be a part of many of the cities' festivities leading up to it & watch the game at a bar or something for all I care. Yes, going to the actual game would be a big check on the Bucket List... but if it's going to cost me two month's salary & the Eagles aren't a part of it, then who gives a sh*t if it's the Patriots - Giants Part III: Prima Tom-ma vs. Elisha?

Also, I will obviously be spending time with one of my favorite people in the entire world, Filly. It seems so long since we've been able to have fun together, so I'm really looking forward to that. Also, even if it weren't for the major events & good friends... I'd be in one of the most amazing cities in the United States, if not the world. So yeah... kind of excited about it.

Also... guess whose mama is coming to visit him on Friday. That's right. She & my stepdad are coming out for their annivesary (I think it's number 15) in Monterey, so obviously she wants Dizzy & I to go out with her for a few days. She'll get the weekend but we have to work (since I just got approved for my New Orleans vacation). It should be fun though. So yeah... that's a quick catch up on things... and this week is Halloween celebrations... so I'm sure pictures will be on the way.

Have a great weekend everybody!!!

Football 1001

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well... I'm live blogging from the Red Zone Channel... sort of. I'm about an hour & a half late because I was a good roommate and let Batgirl catch up on "Fringe" DVR recordings, but it was okay... so here we are... about to the two minute warnings for the 6 early games... but hey, some quick impressions from what I've seen so far.

11:20 AM - Eagles are sucking... Vick can't hold on to the ball, but it's still a game; THE BROWNS HAD A BIG LEAD AGAINST THE GIANTS, then immediately returned to being the Browns; Adam Kerrigan had a nice pick-six on Matt Ryan for the Washington Racists (er, Redskins); I've heard "Jumbo package" a few times in a few minutes... and it makes me laugh.

11:22 - Falcons tight end / future Hall of Fame statue Tony Gonzalez is ageless & amazing... just had a nice catch. Gotta give credit where credit is due...

11:23 - Just got a text from C-Real... apparently the Learning Channel (who brought us My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding, Toddlers & Tiaras, Honey Boo Boo Child, 19 Kids & Counting, Sister Wives, etc) has apparently started a show called Hip Hop Exes... starring 50's ex, DMX's ex (DMXX?) and a few others... so my love for all things DMX is apparently well known at TLC. We've also decided that the theme music will obviously be "Have a Baby By Me, Baby... Be a Millionairre" by 50 Cent if they can get the royalties. It only makes sense.

11:27 - Last night, Dizzy & I made bleu bacon barbecue boar burgers on pretzel rolls... and I just love the alliteration... and they were delicious. Yes, bleu cheese, bacon, barbecue sauce, and wild pig meat on a pretzel rolls. Beer batter it next to take it from the 5B burger to 7B burger.

11:29 - Oh thank God, Pittsburgh WR Jerricho Cotchery tripped on his way to the end zone because there's no way the Eagles D would've stopped him. I think they were already heading for the sideline when they did it. Let's check the replay on that one.

11:30 - Speaking of silly names like Jerricho, last night watching college football with the ladies, we mocked many a ridiculous name... and shocker, not all of them were African-American (just the vast majority). Barkevious, Captain, Sirgregory, D'Brickashaw, Jermichael, De'Anthony, Ovinton J'Anthony, etc. I've documented these over the years... but we googled a few for a list of some of the best... and did you know there was a college player who's Christian name... was Kokain Mothership? Parents should get their naming right revoked for sh*t like that. Seriously. I don't care if George Clinton is your father, that ain't right.

11:32 - Also, I'm be mentioning more funny names as the day goes on & they're mentioned...

11:34 - Googled the new TLC show and it gets even worse... it's called "Starter Wives", yes... that's right, "Starter Wives" and will star Tashera Simmons (DMXX, former wife of the great Earl Simmons) and the wives/girlfriends who helped broke ass 50 Cent (his exes' name is Shaniqua, that's not racist if it's true), Lamar Odom (high school girlfriend? He's been paid since he was 19), Floyd Mayweather & Funkmaster Flex (real name Aston Taylor... yes, Ass-Ton, Taylor). There's also a former mob wife & the ex of some guy named "Maino" I've never heard of... but yeah, they all can't be winners like DMXX & Shaniqua. Coming this Spring...

11:39 - Lexus brings you the RZC Halftime show. NFL stepping their game up? Take that, Toyota!

11:40 - Best of luck to Indianapolis coach Chuck Pagano & his family as he battle Leukemia...

11:41 - VICK FUMBLED AT THE ONE??? THEN AGAIN??? AND THEY'RE STILL WITHIN 10 POINTS??? This has all the making of yet another one-point win this year. The Eagles may end up with a 14-2 record yet get outscored by 30 for the season...

11:43 - KANSAS CITY MAY GET THE LEAD FOR THE FIRST TIME THIS YEAR!!! Baltimore fumbled the opening kickoff of the half... and it's tied. Queue Matt Cassel f**k up... or are they just gonna hand it off three times and play it safe?

11:45 - Ooooh... that was close. Luckily pass interference saved a questionable throw by Matt Cassel. Why don't cornerbacks seem to play D well?

11:46 - HOLY SH*T!!! HE FUMBLED THE BALL!!! HOLY SH*T!!! ARE THEY GONNA BRING IN BRADY QUINN? HAHAHAHA!!! I'm kinda glad my dad's working so he doesn't have to witness his team sucking this bad...

11:47 - By the way, Matt Cassel is probably one of the luckiest guys you could ever hope to be. He backed up Heisman winners at USC (Carson Palmer & Matt Leinart, both currently with the Raiders) so basically didn't play in college... but he was drafted in the 7th round while the Heisman trophy winner that year (Jason White of Oklahoma) was NOT. He was drafted by the Patriots to backup Tom Brady... and the only reason he got to play ever... is because the Chiefs linebacker took out Brady's knee the first week. So instead of going undefeated because of their system with Brady at quarterback, they went 11-5 with somebody who hadn't started since high school about 7 years earlier... pretty sure that I could've done a similar record with their system (and my throw has been described as Tebow-esque). Anyway, based on that year, Kansas City mortgaged their future on him & have been paying for it ever since... but hey, that's football.

11:52 - While Giants coach Tom Coughlin has the game of football explained to him, let me tell you about Mangria!!! Basically, it's something that Dizzy told me... and yes, Adam Carolla apparently invented it, but it's a mix of 3 parts red wine, one part vodka & one part juice (I used cran-raspberry because it's what I have). The concoction tastes like smooth red wine... but is about 20-25% booze... and we had it last night to wash down the boar burgers... and I highly recommend it. Very warm feeling afterwards. It may make an appearance at the next Bacon Day.

11:55 - By the way, Ron Swanson & Don Draper for the Presidency in 2016? Anybody?

11:57 - Pierre Garcon's review: Looked like a completed pass to me, his knee hit the ground, then it was ripped out... but then again, I'm not a referee.

11:58 - Speaking of the refs, have the calls really been that much better? Forget the Monday Night Football thing, cuz I have a conspiracy theory that the replacement ref who f**ked up a coin toss years earlier as a regular ref kinda botched that call so that his buddies could get their jobs back with all of their demands... but all the other "bad calls" that they made, have the "real refs" really done that much better? It's all still judgement calls & that crap so... it's football. Deal with it.

11:59 - RG3 is pretty fast... so was Michael Vick... and West Virgina QB Geno Smith was pretty amazing the past few weeks. The only catch is... all it takes is one major leg injury or killing a few puppies to derail your career. Be careful gentlemen.

12:01 PM - Top two picks of this year's draft in the Red Zone simultanoeusly: RG3 just got popped in the face! OUCH!!! Andrew Luck just missed a few open receivers in the end zone on his left but then again, he was rolling right. Next play touchdown.

12:03 - How does Redskins kicker / former Ravens kicker Billy Cundiff still have a job? Does the mob has his family or something?

12:05 - Fun fact: The Racists' backup quarterback is also a rookie, former Michigan State QB Kirk Cousins who you may remember from the crazy hail mary game last year... but he was pretty decent in college. Since RG3 is trying to remember basic memories, he may get some playing time.

12:06 - TOUCHDOWN EAGLES!!! Shady McCoy...

12:10 - They've shown RG3 get popped like a dozen times at least on three different channels, I think there will be a few dozen more before the day is over.

12:14 - College football was pretty good yesterday... The Georgia vs South Carolina in the "I Can't Believe Michael Vick Got So Much Sh*t When You Have The Fightin' Cocks vs the Bulldogs in a Collegiate Atmosphere / Love the South" Bowl went pretty well, even though the Cocks blew out the Dawgs... which does sound really dirty. LSU / Florida game was good. West Virginia beat Texas in a game where the defenses took the day off apparently... yeah, college football. It's not the pros... but the names of the athletes & mascots are easily mockable.

12:18 - A few more shots of RG3 getting clocked... I hate being right most of the time...

12:20 - After the commentator asked us what we thought of a replay, when a giant scoreboard popped in the way to interfere with the replay, then the 2nd replay from a different angle was cut off... Dizzy & I went on a rant about how that happens on TV shows nowadays, especially on Fox, when an advertisement for another show will jump in the way when you're supposed to read subtitles watching a show you're actually interested in. "F**k Raising Hope coming Sunday night, I'm watching Fringe & you just f**ked up the story... they were able to give away the twist." or "Yes, I know Family Guy is coming up some time... but I'm trying to read subtitles on 24." Super Simple Solution: Move the advertisements (lose completely? Never!), move the subtitles, or best one... hire horrible dubbers from 70s martial arts moves to replace the subtitles.

12:24 - F**k, the Falcons look pretty good the first month of the season. By the way, I've pretty much decided that I'm going to New Orleans in February to see the Super Bowl & Mardi Gras in consecutive weekends. Though my dream Super Bowl would be the Eagles against anybody or the Browns vs Lions (they gotta win something eventually, right?), my gut tells me that it's looking like a Falcons - Texans battle of the South in New Orleans thus far... but then again, we've got 4 months & injuries change EVERYTHING!!!

12:27 - "Trickeration" - Real word? I like to think so... but I make up words all the time.

12:30 - By the way, I love boobs... so I'm all for the pink gloves & accents on all the uniforms for the NFL. I have a pink & green Eagles knit cap to prove it. G's can pull off pink.

12:31 - Eli Manning's first name is Elisha. FACT!!!

12:31 - Kirk Cousins just threw a touchdown in his first drive in relief of RG3... QB controversy in DC? I don't think so...

12:33 - There's new hope in Kansas City... Matt Cassel just got knocked out... I'll be sure to keep you posted. Sorry dad...

12:37 - Can't throw the ball twice on the same play, Brandon Weeden. Sorry... oh and you just got picked on the next play. No Browns in the Super Bowl this year... or ever?

12:36 - Okay, so Critical Mass is this... bicycler activist thing that happens once a month... and last week was the 20th anniversary so they basically had a few thousand bicyclists driving illegally through the already crowded streets of San Francisco... without a permit or anything, because those don't exist, because that would be f**king stupid... during rush hour on a Friday... and here's the real twist, when pedestrians try to maintain order or go about their way, they get ran the f**k over... and if vehicles follow the traffic signals & run over a few dozen douchy entitled bicyclists, they may end up going to jail (though I'm pretty sure that if it went to court I would be protected... or at least convince 12 of my peers that I was in the right, especially they're locals & were in the traffic). Plan for next time... well, that's a secret. I'm probably not going to run over anybody in my Jeep (though if I wasn't stuck behind other vehicles & would've been going down the wrong way of the street so it was technically illegal, I would have) there's a plan in place. Watch your ass, Critical Mass! Nobody loves you... and you're a drain on humanity.

12:44 - DeSean Jackson sighting... apparently he's actually playing this year. Good things should come from this.

12:45 - "Clay Harbor, the big tight end..." - First off, I like the name Clay Harbor... it sounds like a wonderful resort... secondly... why is the saying big tight end so fully to me? Must be my dirty mind... Like J-Lo if she has never broke her be-hyman...

12:47 - Chiefs basically had a fumble return for a touchdown that would've again been their first lead of the season... but it was called back because of a combination of forward progress & God hating Kansas City, Missouri.

12:49 - Uh-oh, Colts are within 2 points of the Packers? Weren't the Packers supposed to be good this year? Again?

12:50 - So... Dizzy needs to draw me... and apparently with my shirt off... if I'm not typing for a while, you'll know why...

12:52 - Ravens / Chiefs game must've been Godawful to watch in person... but luckily it's quick with all of the run plays. Already down to the two minute warning & the Ravens are running out the clock. Yup, the referees f**ked over the Chiefs. Wonder if they want those replacements refs back?

12:55 - I live in the Presidio in San Francisco. It's a beautiful national park in the heart of a great city... and this week is Fleet Week... and the Blue Angels and other aircraft (including stealth bombers) have various air shows going on from 12:30 - 4:00 PM this weekend. We went & saw it yesterday for about an hour and it was pretty cool. The rest of the time of the show... we hear them rushing by... and it's kind of cool. Last year, the windows were shaking & sh*t but not so much this year. Maybe it was the old bombers or something that did that last year. Am I bragging? Maybe a little... but that wasn't my intention. I like where I live...

12:58 - Last two minutes, Eagles have a one point lead... but the Steelers can basically run the clock and kick a field goal to win. Looks like it'll be about 40 yards so... FLY EAGLES!!! BLOCK THAT KICK!!!

12:59 - Kirk Cousins just threw an interception. QB controversy over. Even an injured RG3 may get the start next week. Hopefully he's okay though. Seems like a pretty cool cat.

1:00 - Nevermind, I forgot that the Eagles can't play the run so it'll be more of a kick in the teens yardage wise or they may just unintentionally let them in the end zone.

1:03 - Finally setting up the potentially game winning field goal for the Steelers against the Eagles...

1:04 - BLOCK IT!!! BLOCK IIIIIITTTT!!! F******KKKKKKKKKKK!!! Yeah... it went in... dang, we lost a 2-point game... oh well, at least it wasn't against the Browns...

1:06 - Later games are starting... SO MUCH FOOTBALL!!!

1:07 - Bengals QB "The Red Rifle" Andy Dalton just threw a pick, game over, Dolphins win.

1:09 - Packers LB Clay Matthews has taken over for former Colts QB Curtis Pointer for prettiest hair in the NFL I think... Imagine Fabio with an NFL Hall of Fame lineage...

1:12 - Who decided that neon green should be part of the Seahawks uniforms? Not saying whether I hate it or like it... but I assume it's the same minds that convinced the Oregon Ducks & Maryland Terrapins that they should change their uniforms to something completely different & crazy every week. Distinctive but... not exactly the greatest thing ever. At least they don't have advertisements for "Bob's Burgers" popping up on their shoulder pads or anything...

1:20 - Not nearly as interesting sh*t with the earlier games as two weeks ago with the 3 overtimes & a lot of last minute stuff... and I don't care about Jay Cutler one bit... why am I watching the Bears play the Jaguars so much on the Red Zone Channel? Still kinda surprised the Jags are still in the league...

1:21 - Was just recommended a movie by C-Real called "Carnage" that's a dark comedy starring Jodie Foster, Kate Winslett, John C Reilly & Christophe Waltz. Don't know what it's about... but I'm already sold. Netflix'd it...

1:23 - Traymon Williams... yup, it's funny to me.

1:24 - Reggie Wayne is having a great game... but the broadcaster just said "Gweat cwedit" and made me laugh for about 20 seconds...

1:25 - TOM BRADY VERSUS PEYTON MANNING!!!

1:26 - No touchdown? Well, why don't you go pout about it, Jay Cutler? Punk b**ch... but everytime they're held to a field goal... you get to see Robbie GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOULD kick a field goal. It's just fun to say.

1:27 - Reggie Wayne & Andrew Luck are leading a late charge for the Colts. Luck was just described as "Roethlisberger-esque" because he could avoid getting tackled by an arm... either that or he was able to get away with rape... but I think it was the first one... because luck doesn't need bodyguards covering a nightclub bathroom to get his swerve on... he's a Stanford educated millionairre... and he's just Lucky.

1:29 - 1st & goal with 39 seconds left... but no time outs. Drama established for the rookie quarterback.

1:31 - Broncos receiver made a nice catch, got the ball punched out by the defender while he was thinking about the endzone dance prematurely, Patriots get the fumble, and the received got blindside blocked. Talk about insult to insult.

1:33 - Touchdown Colts on the first play. No more drama. Except... Packers get it back with 35 seconds or so & two timeouts... Not quite over.

1:37 - 49ers TE Vernon Davis is a BEAST!!! 53 yard pickup...

1:38 - Packers on a drive to tie it up with a field goal... 25 seconds to go... catch by Driver? I don't know about that... review? 8 seconds with spike, what to do? One more shot? Ooh... timeout taken just before the snap... now that "HAVE" to kick the field goal.

1:40 - I'm happy for David Akers success here in San Francisco. Was worried when the Eagles cut him then learned about his daughter & that whole story... but he seems to be okay.

1:41 - WIIIIIIDE LEFT!!! COLTS WIN!!! COLTS WIN!!!

1:42 - I like the Jaguars black alternative uniforms more than their teal green ones... but hey, the green is their main color... and black is essentially just awesome.

1:43 - Jags kicker Josh Scooooobee doobee DOOOOOO!!!!

1:45 - "Have a baby by me, baby... be a millionairre..." Damn song is stuck in my head... STARTER WIVES!!!

1:46 - By the way, Dizzy is still drawing me... "Are you gonna draw me like one of your French girls, Jack?" That's right, Titanic references up in this b**ch...

1:48 - Oh... and my work's softball team started up again. It was basically announced last Thursday that it might be happening... then the next day they told us about the first game... on Monday. We won, I went 1-for-4 and drove in a run, no major f**k ups on defense in right center field (it's a softball position apparently). Went for drinks in Portero Hill afterwards. Tuesday is a double header... and apparently most games will be double headers as we play 7 games before Halloween. Yeah... go softball.

1:50 - Deuce break...

1:57 - I'm back... and just thought I'd clarify something. Dizzy may be drawing me... but it's not like I'm naked on a chaise lounge typing up this entry (insert sexy yet awkward charcoal drawing image of this), but I do have my shirt off. She's drawing my apparently manly jawline, neck & shoulders for a class of hers... so yeah, not nearly dirty... but just had a thought that I should clarify that while I was on the John...

1:58 - Broncos WR Demaryius Thomas just caught a nice pass (and I think he's the one that fumbled & got blindsided earlier) and I think he likes playing with Peyton Manning more than Tim Tebow last year.

2:01 - Oooh... it's like the Civil War in this Broncos vs Patriots game with brother versus brother... namely Chris vs Rob Gronkowski. It's no Harbaugh Bowl... but I'll take it.

2:02 - Ugh... a walleyed lens is NOT the friend of sideline reporter Tony Siragusa... sorry Goose... but your only competition for wretchedness is Jigga man in the "Sunshine" video back in the late 90s. I blame Diddy for that one...

2:07 - The coach's challenge flag... is now apparently called "The Magic Red Hankie" by the guy who does the RZC commentary. I like him. He's a bit of a smart ass... and always at possibly inappropriate times... but whatever.

2:09 - Chili mac break... courtesy of Dizzy...

2:16 - Panthers QB Cam Newton is a BEAST!!!

2:17 - Fun fact: Did you know that former Giants DE Michael Strahan has taken over for Regis Philbin on "Live with Kelly Ripa and ____"? So during the week, he's shootin' the sh*t with a former soap opera actress about... whatever the f**k can fill an hour of morning TV. Then on the weekends, he's talking football with Terry Bradshaw, Howie Long & Jimmy Johnson.

2:19 - Vikings rookie safetey Harrison Smith just got ejected for pushing a referee off of him. Really? They didn't really show the replay but... the freeze frame looked like the referee instigated it. Replacement refs? No? "ResPECT my authoritaaah!!!"

2:21 - Ugh... Bears QB Jay Cutler just LOOKS like somebody I would not enjoy being around... and that's without his pissy attitude. He just looks douchy. I wonder if he does Critical Mass...

2:26 - NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell was just shown in the stands of the Vikings game... and we're guessing the two men around him with graying hair, moustaches & serious looks on their face are his security team. Then I had a thought of Commission Gordon getting replaced with Commissioner Goodell in the Batman universe... and how Batman would have a choice of whether to kill him or have him service jail time for his crimes against humanity... and then thankfully they switched back to the game. See, these are the things that my mind wonders when I'm not properly distracted. God bless TV!!!

2:27 - How many guys with the last name Smith are on the 49ers roster? There's Alex, Aldon, Justin... and I think they just referred to one of the offensive linemen as Smith... Google says just the three though. I was worried. Now if they could just sign both receiver Steve Smiths... and a few others... they could just change the team name to the Smiths!!! Crazy you say? Do you know why they call the Cleveland Browns the Browns? Google that sh*t! WHO'S CRAZY NOW???

2:34 - Danny Woodhead... yup... I like it... but yeah... tehehehe...

2:37 - Ooooh... Colin Kaepernick fumbled for the 49ers. By the way, I've liked Kaepernick since he was the option QB up at Nevada when I was in Tahoe... so I like that they're finally using him starting last week... but yeah, the fumble sucks.

2:38 - Speaking of Tahoe, one of my favorite bosses from when I worked there... is going to be the new big boss at our office here!!! That was announced Friday! I'm hella excited about it... but never thought he would consider it... but maybe he just couldn't deal with the winter either... or it was just a great opportunity for him too. I don't know, I'll be sure to ask him. AWESOME SAUCE!!!

2:40 - Well, it's about halftime on these late games... but Dizzy needs a ride to work... so I'll bid you adieu for now. Hope you enjoyed my ramblings & notes from today in football. See ya next week? We'll see... Have a great weekend everbody!!! Oh... and happy Columbus Day (regardless of how I feel about celebrating him...)

Barbeque, Bacon & Badassery

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Yeah, I’ve got some catching up to do… but two weekends ago, Dizzy & I started out by meeting up with some of her coworker friends Friday night and we went to Café Prague for some drinks. Good time was had by all… and we really didn’t blow the bank or anything. I really like that place for that reason. Saturday, we went to the Redwood City Blues & BBQ Festival like I did last year (if you remember) but this was also a lot of fun… and we ate like KINGS! Basically for about $20 a person we ate a few pounds of fine barbequed goodness… enjoyed a few beers & other beverages… and enjoyed some great music. I highly recommend it.

That Sunday, we further indulged our gluttony by meeting up with some of my coworkers at a beautiful bayside park in San Mateo for yet another barbeque… and this one was, dare I say, even better. Short ribs, sushi bake, watermelon, rice, noodles, beverages, and most importantly… great peeps. What a great way to spend a weekend enjoying the sunshine, some great food & great people. What more can you really ask for?

The workweek was busy of course… but there was some good that came out of it. I will be make TWO trips to Utah later this year… with the first one being just a few weeks away in time for the Family Reunion in Delta. Now, yes, the hotel will be pretty busy during the dates that I’m gone… but I’m also going to be in my office 10-12 hours a day basically until Thanksgiving & everybody else was getting their vacation regardless, so they approved this vacation as it was the least impactful time… and it worked out for me perfectly. Also, thanks to a 50% off sale the DAY I was confirmed, Dizzy will be going with me. Yup, the ladyfriend is going to meet the family. I’m pretty sure that should scare her off once & for all. Also, it’s a good excuse to go to the Eccles Dinosaur Park in Ogden… and apparently there’s a new dinosaur museum at Thanksgiving Point too. Throw in a drunken redneck family reunion in the middle, boom, you’ve got my vacation in about five weeks.

Let me know if you want to meet up while I’m in Utah, but I’m arranging for a little get-together Monday, September 10^th. Oh… and the other trip will be ten days off during Christmas, but back in San Francisco in time for New Year’s Eve. Let’s just hope that I’m not sick like I was last year. Maybe I’ll even get to see the Kraft Hunger Bowl. Third time’s the charm, right?

This past weekend, Dizzy & I hung out for the most part… watching the Olympics & whatnot. She also made bacon cinnamon rolls… because we stumbled upon something online about them. They’re pretty damn good, since you asked. I highly recommend those as well.

Speaking of Bacon… September 1^st is International Bacon Day… and the roommates & I are hosting a fantastic get-together where we will basically be eating as much bacon in as many variations as possible with all of our friends & neighbors. Some of the items on the menu…

• 50/50 Sliders (half beef, half bacon)
• Millionaire’s Bacon
• Bacon grilled cheese
• Bacon wrapped brats
• Bacon wrapped jalapeno poppers
• Bacon Cinnamon Rolls
• Chocolate dipped bacon
• Build your own Bacon
• Bacon Maple Ale
• Bacon Donuts (by the way, we have a deep fryer now)

It should be pretty fantastic… and I’ll leave you today with the official flag of Bacon Day… and the future land of Baconia… and just another reason why I think I have the best roommates ever. Have a great day everybody!!!

LISTEN!!! Do You Smell Something?

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

It's been a busy busy few weeks... as made obvious by my lack of communication via this blog. Let's see... well, work is... working... lots & lots... and we now have a new system to deal with... and we'll slowly but surely implimenting it... and of course I'm the head on it so... yeah, gonna get paid lots of overtime & may be able to go on vacation... I don't know, eventually? Perhaps if they decide to hire somebody to help out next year but that'd probably be the earliest for that farfetched scenario. Oh well... on to the rest of my life...

St Patrick's Day was pretty amazing. I met up with Batgirl, Izzy & some of their friends and we did some bar hopping around the Financial District. I started at House of Shields, then we went over to Elephant & Castle... and then we kinda set up camp at Cafe Prague for a few hours where we not only had the bar pretty much to ourself... but the managers kept bringing us out food & giving us free beverages in giant glasses... and yeah, the music was from an iPod so we pretty much shut that place down... and then somebody started ordering shots of whiskey... and that's pretty much all I remember from the night... yeah, there were a few of these beers before hand...

I woke up the next morning in my bed... and Izzy was there... so apparently they did a good job of getting me home... despite being covered in bruises & scratches (some I have literally no idea where they could've come from) but yeah... good times. Maybe you can help... where would one get this kind of injury? A boot? It was located on my ribs under my shoulder blade...

Again, during the week it was basically more work... and when I would get home, I was pretty much sick because of work (coworkers have the cold going around constantly) so I played a few new video games like "Assassin's Creed Brotherhood", "Batman: Arkham City" and one of my all time favorites redone for PS3... "TECMO SUPER BOWL!!!" That's right, the classic from 1991 with Randall Cunningham as the QB of the Eagles, sorry Philadelphia squad because the NFL is no longer a part of the franchise. It's pretty cool... but yeah, more nostalgia appeal than gameplay. Oh... and Brotherhood is awesome (can't wait for AC3 which will be set during the American Revolution) and Arkham City I'm only a few missions in but still the usual Batman awesomeness.

Friday night, I met up with a few coworkers including Bubbles & we went to Pandora Karaoke in the Tenderloin (corner of Crack & Cocaine). It was a great time with some coworkers that I never get to hang out with... especially outside of work. Not trying to brag... but they were incredibly impressed with my vocal skills... and it covered everything from Snoop Dogg to Bee Gees to Coolio to Spice Girls. It also doubles as a nice sushi bar... and plenty of drinks were had... but not whiskey shots... so I made it through just fine. We even made our way to a place called Swig where they have bacon wrapped hot dogs sold by street vendors... delicious.

Saturday it basically rained all day so I met up with Izzy for the evening & we had dinner at her place and watched "The Ghost & the Darkness" and "Ghostbusters." We know how to have a good time.

So yeah... that's pretty much caught you up on my life. Not a whole lot of major news... but yeah, I've kinda got a girlfriend... for the first time in... many years.

BALL SO HARD!!! That sh*t cra...

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Busy week at work as usual… and occasionally I’ve been able to find a little levity. Oh, there was one little incident I should probably share that was quite awkward. I was at work & looking for something when a manager motioned to me to go into my office to chat. Instantly I thought “Uh oh, did I do something wrong?” She looked at me straight forward and said… and I quote… “You have a gaping hole in the back of your pants.” I kinda laughed a second… and then noticed that she wasn’t laughing. “What?” I start looking & feeling around, probably looking like a ferret was in my pants. “Where?” “It’s right along the… hem of your pants.” I swear she wanted to say “crack of you’re a$$” but she’s far too lady like in that setting. Yeah, apparently there was about a 4-6 inch “gaping hole” in the hem of my crotch… at work… with no change of clothing. Luckily I knew of a seamstress in the office… but basically had to hang out in the men’s room for about 10-15 minutes while they were fixed. Good times, right? Better a boss to find out than a client, right?

So I’ve gotten around to playing “Assassin's Creed II” which my brother bought me for Xmas… and it’s pretty sweet. I REALLY like maps that you get to navigate through. For those who have never played, it’s basically the tale of somebody basically reliving ancestral memories during Renaissance Italy using a super computer or something. (Not sure on the details, but just go with it). So you’re an Italian noble… and there’s revolution… and betrayal… and you’re on a path of vengeance to avenge the murder of your father & brothers… and it’s beautiful set in the cities of Florence, Rome and some Tuscan villas. It’s a pretty cool game with a lot of variety & smooth mapping. I highly recommend it… and I think I’m only like a third of the way through it… maybe, I have no idea… but it rocks.

Thursday night, I went to Yoshi's with Dizzy to enjoy some fine Japanese cuisine (and bacon wrapped lobster tail) as well as the musical stylings of The Motet... who specialize in funky covers of Grateful Dead & Pink Floyd songs... but tonight it was just the Dead... and it rocked. I highly recommend taking advantage of any opportunity to hear them live... as well as purchase their CDs for $1. That's right... an entire CD... for ONE DOLLAR!!! I've got mine. Here's some news...

Carla Bruni Update - Just in time for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue, a French mayor's plan to erect a statue of President Nicolas Sarkozy's former supermodel wife Carla Bruni in worker's attire has angered the opposition and embarrassed the first lady. Jacques Martin, the mayor of Nogent-sur-Marne to the east of Paris and member of Sarkozy's UMP party, commissioned the statue to honor the mostly Italian immigrant women who used to work at a feather factory in the town (why am I thinking about French maids chasing each other all of a sudden?). But when French daily Le Parisien on Sunday revealed the plan for the statue more than two metres (six-and-a-half feet) tall, at a cost of over 80,000 Euros, the opposition and even the first lady's friends were up in arms. A source close to Bruni-Sarkozy said she agreed to model for sculptor Elisabeth Cibot as she admires her work, but that "it was never suggested that her name would appear." Modelling "is her former job, she no longer does it commercially, but she's often asked to do it, and she often agrees, and always without being paid," the source said… possibly chuckling a little bit. But the swiftly gathering scandal "is using something that has nothing to do with politics to political ends," one of her friends said, requesting anonymity & another glass of champagne. William Geib of the Socialist opposition said the idea of dressing up a likeness of the Italian heiress and pop singer as a worker was "grotesque." "It's an insult to the Italian feather workers, to give them the face of an extremely rich person. I have nothing against Carla Bruni-Sarkozy but she does not represent the workers' world." Michel Gilles, a local member of the right-wing opposition, slammed what he said was a "political coup" ahead of the April-May two-round presidential election, which opinion polls say right-wing leader Sarkozy is likely to lose (but may make a comeback in the second round?). Martin said he voted in favor of the statue at a council meeting last year. "But it was never mentioned that it would have Carla Bruni-Sarkozy's features," Gilles said. The statue is reportedly costing 82,000 Euros (about $108,000), of which the town hall is paying half, and exactly what it will look like is being kept top secret. Look, I don’t get it… I feel like it’s all political BS as usual. Why? Let’s say you want to make a statue about… a cowboy, to commemorate the old west in some sh*t town in Wyoming. The artist is looking for a model… and in lieu of paying someone, they get an offer to model for free from someone who’s exactly what they’re looking for… like Brad Pitt in his Thelma & Louise attire. It’s exactly what they’re looking for & pro bono. Done. No controversy. Wanna know why everybody is in financial crisis & angry? Because politicians focus on stupid sh*t like this instead of getting to solutions for the world’s problems. Besides, she’s no Julie Newmar… but Carla Bruni is still, in a word, statuesque! (That’s right, it’s a “To Wong Foo” reference, deal with it)

Napoleon's 'Gac - A Dutch antique trader is selling his collection of over 5,000 unopened bottles of Cognac and other liquors, which he claims is the biggest of its kind. The most precious bottle in Bay van der Bunt's collection (which is valued at 6 million Euros or about $8 million) dates back to 1795 and was a Cognac taken by Napoleon's army on campaign for the officers. Van der Bunt estimates that bottle is worth between 100,000 and 150,000 Euros. However, anyone interested in that particular bottle may be disappointed: he does not want to sell his bottles one by one, but would prefer to sell the entire collection, which was started by his great grandfather in 1880, to a single buyer by the end of this year (Everything must go! It’s a full literal liquidation sale!). "We are aiming at a wealthy Russian or Chinese buyer, because we think people from these countries are willing to spend their money on this," said Bart Laming, who is handling the publicity for the sale. Van der Bunt wants to sell his collection to someone with a passion for liquor, but also wants a buyer who is prepared to keep the bottles unopened rather than savoring their contents. "In this respect we certainly are afraid that a potential buyer would empty some of them. We will screen potential buyers to minimize that risk". So to make sure I got this straight… he wants somebody to pay several million dollars for a bunch of booze… but not distribute them or get high on their own supply? Basically he wants to be paid ludicrous amounts of money for somebody else to hold onto his booze instead of paying for storage? Good luck with that homey. And I raise my glass! (sip of Courvoisier)

Tongan Branding - A luger from the south Pacific island of Tonga caused a stir at the world championships in Altenberg last week. No, not for his unusual choice of sport or the surprising fact that there are actually lugers in the south Pacific… but for his name, which he had changed to that of his sponsor. Bruno Banani was born Fuahea Semi but changed his name to that of a German underwear maker as he seeks to become his nation's first winter Olympian at the 2014 Games in Sochi, Russia. His move angered International Olympic Committee Vice President Thomas Bach, who called it a "perverse marketing idea." Really? THAT is perverse marketing… and you’re VP for the Olympic committee? I suggest you move out of your glass house into an apartment made out of straw before you start throwing comments like that out. "It is of bad taste to change your name to that of a sponsor. That is too much for me. This has nothing to do with proper marketing," Bach said. However, Bach did go on to say that should the Tongan qualify for the Sochi Games there would be nothing the IOC could do to stop him from competing under that name. "I do not think that we can react to this if that is the name in his passport," Bach said. The IOC is extremely sensitive to ambush marketing tactics during Olympic Games as it seeks to protect its sponsors who have paid hundreds of millions for the rights to advertise (BINGO!!!). Earlier a Tonga official told reporters the move was to raise money as the country seeks to send their first athlete to the Winter Games. As a marketing degree holder, I like it. Why not? If Chad Johnson can change his name to Ochocinco & be as stupid as he wants to be... for free… than I think that Michael Phelps can change his name to Subway Torpedo if the price is right. If boxers can wear advertisements for casino while they bludgeon a man to death in the ring, then who can stop the ring announcer from proclaiming the new WBC welterweight champion Taco Bell-Grande? (Surprise twist: The new champion is Welsh. Now who’s being racist?) If in a joint venture with several companies I want to change my name to $5 Footlong Banana Republic, then
that’s between me & my sponsors. By the way, not sure why I’ve got Subway on the brain… but it’s probably due to a marketing ploy. Play on Bruno! Good luck against Calvin Klein!

Rapunzel Number - Scientists said on Friday that a "Rapunzel Number" may have helped them to crack a problem that has perplexed humanity since Leonardo da Vinci pondered it 500 years ago. Scientists from the University of Cambridge and the University of Warwick said they had devised a "Ponytail Shape Equation", which when calculated using the Rapunzel Number and a measure of the curliness of hair can be used to predict the shape of any ponytail. Cambridge's Professor Raymond Goldstein told Reuters that he and his colleagues took account of the stiffness of individual hairs, the effects of gravity and the average waviness of human hair to come up with their formula. The Rapunzel Number provides a key ratio needed to calculate the effects of gravity on hair relative to its length. "That determines whether the ponytail looks like a fan or whether it arcs over and becomes nearly vertical at the bottom," Goldstein said in a telephone interview. The research also took into account how a bundle of hair is swelled by the outward pressure which arises from collisions between the component hairs. That’s right. Scientists studied the hell out of this… and even da Vinci wondered about it (probably during his ancient years). Why? Scientists said the work has implications for understanding the structure of materials made up of random fibers, such as wool and fur and will have resonance with the computer graphics and animation industry, where the representation of hair has been a challenging problem. So yes, to make your favorite Pixar flicks all the more believable. "Our findings extend some central paradigms in statistical physics and show how they can be used to solve a problem that has puzzled scientists and artists ever since Leonardo da Vinci remarked on the fluid-like streamlines of hair in his notebooks 500 years ago," Goldstein said. The research was conducted by Goldstein, Professor Robin Ball from the University of Warwick and their colleagues. It will be presented to the American Physical Society in Boston on February 28. So… yeah… nothing really to say about this. Just thought it was… interesting. Scientists are studying your ponytails ladies (and hippies).

Well, that'll do it for today. So little time to do these things... and I'm still figuring out my new laptop. So much faster but... trust me 'puter, I know what I'm doing. Just let me do it. I don't need your help. Have a great weekend everybody!!!