BNYCS Friady Fun Quiz!

Yesterday afternoon, I set out astride my trusty Scattante to complete some neighborhood errands. Stopping at the hardware store, I quickly locked my bicycle to one of those cages the city puts around the trees so they don't escape. Then, after completing my brief transaction (I'm finally going "full hipster" so I bought 50 key blanks to hang from my waist) I stepped back outside and found this:

Yes, despite the fact the rest of the tree prison was empty, someone had decided to tether their beagles to it right in front of my Scattante. Moreover, as you can see, they passed the leash through the frame:

By the way, you may notice that the beasts appear to be cowering in terror:

As far as I can tell, there are two likely reasons for this:

1) My bicycle had been standing upright when I left it, so the dogs were probably very frightened by the noise when either they or their owner knocked it over;

or;

2) They are simply reacting as anyone might in the presence of a filthy and haphazardly "curated" Scattante.

I was reluctant to untie a pair of strange dogs lest they immediately take off in pursuit of some kind of rodent, so I scanned the area for the owner, by which I mean anybody who looked like this:

Sure, pretty much everybody in Williamsburg fits this description now thanks to the "Americana backwoods revival" movement, but thus far my part of Brooklyn has been spared. However, I could find no hillbillies in the immediate vicinity, and therefore I was forced to untie the canines myself. Sure enough, as soon as I did they assumed it was time for "walkies," which meant I had to restrain them in order to re-tie them, and anybody who's ever had to subject a dog to "walkus interruptus" knows how difficult this can be.

I'm still wondering why anybody would park their dogs in such a manner, since it seems only marginally smarter than tying them to a car bumper. I suppose it could be that the dog owner wanted my bicycle and the beagles were "treeing" it like a raccoon, but frankly I find the notion that anybody would want my Scattante far too unrealistic to contemplate. Therefore, as of now I'm working on a theory involving my pink Knog lock's resemblance to a giant dog erection, though I haven't gotten much further than that.

Speaking of puzzling scenarios, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you're right, and if you're wrong you'll see a psychedelic Fred freakout.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may your travels be unencumbered by beagles.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

(Erik K)

1) French police recently stopped Alberto Contador for:

--Exceeding the speed limit while descending the Col du Galibier

--Riding a bicycle without lights on it

--Vandalizing a Vélib' station
--Fingerbanging within 500 meters of a school or place of worship

2) In the pro peloton, the hot new t-shirt design is:

--Frolicking dolphins

--Prancing unicorns

--Knife-wielding koalas
--Humping tigers





3) Touchy, touchy! Apparently Portlanders can't handle a little:

--Good-natured ribbing
--Time away from their bicycles
--Competition from Minneapolis
--Urine in their drinking water

4) The "nose to tail movement" refers to the proper method for petting a cat.

--True
--False

5) Fill in the blank: "Live ______"

--Fierce

--Ferocious

--Truculent
--Shirtless

6) Tandems are to Fundies as:

--Fixies are to thongs
--Pennyfarthings are to bloomers
--Recumbents are to hernia trusses
--All of the above

(Oh, I get it.)

7) If you get doored, always be sure to:

--Get the driver's information
--Report the incident to the police
--Find a witness
--Ask the doorer for a date

***Special Fred-Themed Bonus Question***

This setup is known as the "Fred's Wet Dream."

--True
--False