So Amy Winehouse is dead.... GOOD! Skanks and crackheads are found dead behind dumpsters everyday, but you never hear anyone cry because some slob got bound and suffocated in garbage bags for refusing to suck some dude's cock after snorting all of his coke; refused her obligations in what I like to call Blow for Blow. Amazing how the tears well up and the love is showered down on the same type of piece of shit because they're somewhat famous. Meanwhile, these fuckin people need to be crackheads and skanks and whatever else. The very demons that drive them through that glass table, forcing the Olsen Twins to flush the rest of the stash in the toilet behind them is the very thing that fuels their art, the very thing you assholes love them for in the first place. Besides... could you imagine Jimi Hendrix alive now? He'd be in a back alley sucking dick for coke too!
Speaking of people swirling down life's long toilet towards, well, that aint the light... it's only a matter of time before Lindsey Lohan wraps herself into a tree. I thought she'd be perfect for this next spot, but she hadn't done anything really worth mentioning lately, much less set up what I had wanted to go with. I didn't know what to do, and then it happened....
ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE!
I needed a celebrity to go on a tirade, showing us all how fucked in the head these douchebag's can really be, put themselves into our trainwreck of life hall of fame, but it wasn't coming. Until finally Uncle Fester over here made her triumphant return
Do you remember when Britney Spears was so damn hot (and innocent, lol) that every red blooded male with a pulse would have lined up like a 12 year old at a Harry Potter sighting to shell out millions just to de-flower her? How the mighty have fallen! Now she's such a dirty pig that her former body guard is sueing her for trying to coerce him into sex. Apparently this slob walks into rooms ripping ass while picking her nose and eating it. But you can't blame her, after all it's only the munchies. She's throwing down every pill she can get her hands on, getting gang banged by random dudes 3 and 4 at a time, and not washing their manjuice, or the shit out of the crack of her ass for weeks. Then she bends over, displaying the shit caked crust around her rotted gash, giving anyone around a good sniff. In other words... she's Randy Quad's daughter from Vacation.
(Here's a video that has nothing to do with anything at all, just because I thought you needed a video, but somehow it seems to fit)
Shit, if I went on just talking about celebrity sluts, whores and skanks I could be here all day, and I'm trying to keep these things short and sweet for you, so I'm going to leave it here. It all feels a bit rushed today, like destroying the evidence at Heath Ledger's farewell address, but the important thing is that it sets up what I'll be going with next.
CONGRATULATIONS BRITNEY SPEARS, you're now our leading lady in our project for a new tomorrow!
Tune in tomorrow kiddies, same bat time, same bat channel!
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