Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,
This morning, I woke up early to continue my
Box Search. No, not the sexy kind either. That usually requires staying up late. This was the unsexy kind...like going to Walmart and liquor stores at 7 AM to get the boxes left over from overnight stalking...er, I mean stocking. Sorry, I've made that mistake a few times before. Usually at interviews. So I arose with the sun around 6 AM and drove out to Walmart...to find that they apparently had already thrown away their boxes or something, despite my telling them my name, phone number, etc. to set up picking them up at 7 AM. Luckily they had a sale on giant closeable plastic bins for $5 a pop, so I bought about four of those, some packing tape & went home to start the real packing. I'm already impressed with how much I've done in the past few hours (and stopping for an hour to watch
VH1's Tough Love, which I seriously enjoy for some reason...because it's dating evil at its finest). Anyway, so yeah, I'll be packing the next few days...but am off to a great start.
Last night, I watched "
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind" starring Sam Rockwell and basically the cast of Ocean's Eleven (Clooney, Roberts, and even cameos by Pitt & Damon). It's the story of TV producer / host of the Gong Show / CIA assassin Chuck Barris (Rockwell) and it's really just a crazy cool funny show to watch. It starts with him as a sly mischievous & devious child...and progressing into a similar adult...and he kind of evolves into this guy who's trying to become famous. Along the way, a CIA operative (Clooney) enlists him to become an assassin while he's being a chapperone on "The Dating Game" to exotic locations like Helsinki & West Berlin. Hot, right? Well, his long-time ladyfriend (Drew Barrymore) and his spy mistress (Roberts) play into the game as well...and who knows how it's going to turn out? Well, I do because I watched the movie...but you should too. It's pretty good. I enjoyed it thoroughly...and Clooney directed it...which may or may not explain why there was so much of Sam Rockwell's ass in it (ladies...) but just thought I'd throw that out there.
Now, I also watched "
Lost Highway" starring Bill Pullman & Patricia Arquette...but more importantly, directed by David Lynch ("Dune", "Mulholland Drive", etc). Now, I really wish that I could tell you exactly what the story was...but it's a David Lynch movie...and I guess I just don't get it. Obviously inspired by Fellini with a few more hits of acid, Lynch tells the story of a sax player (Pullman) who...well, crazy sh*t happens...and his wife (Arquette) ends up dead...and he's convicted of doing it...so sentenced to death...but then he magically teleports / transforms into a teenage auto mechanic (Balthazar Getty) who has an affair with a mob boss (Robert Loggia) ladyfriend...who also happens to be Patricia Arquette...and there's this creepy guy played by real life creepy guy Robert Blake (remember? Beretta?) and Gary Busey's the kid's father, so you know he has that working against him...and then there's porn involved starring Marilyn Manson & his guitarist Twiggy Ramirez...and when the movie's over, you basically just go, "What the f**k did I just watch?" So yeah, in typical David Lynch fashion, I just didn't get it. Welcome to the modern art museum of filmmaking. Anyway, here's some other news...
13 Year Old Bank Robber - A 13-year-old boy who police say was caught red-handed a block away was accused on Tuesday of robbing a bank in Peoria, Illinois. The unidentified boy was charged with felony armed robbery in juvenile court, accused of threatening a teller with a gun and demanding cash. He was found hiding in a nearby garage about 30 minutes after Monday's robbery, stained red from a dye pack that had been placed in the bag of money. "It's the youngest person I can remember," said Sheriff Michael McCoy, a four-decade veteran of the sheriff's office. Prosecutors were considering whether to seek to have him tried as an adult and face up to 30 years in prison. At the very least, they considered spanking his ass into a ground beef patty & slapping the taste out of his mouth. For f**k sake, THIRTEEN??? Now, I've had my thoughts of robbing banks before...and okay, maybe I was that age when I started considering it...but to actually do it. He's definitely going to get one hell of a slap on the wrist.
What if he had shot somebody? Can you imagine police gunning down a 7th grader? That would be covered
more than teabagging on CNN, MSNBC, Fox News & everything else. Well, luckily it was just a kid making a HUGE mistake and nothing like that happened. Just remember to talk to your kids about the importance of a Wheelman. In some situations, they're more important than a Wingman.
Robot Scientists? - Watch out scientists! Your jobs may soon be replaced the same way as the oldest profession...by a robot. Two teams of researchers said last week that they had created
machines that could reason, formulate theories and discover scientific knowledge on their own, marking a major advance in the field of artificial intelligence (and the end of mankind as foretold in the Prophecy). Such robo-scientists could be put to work unraveling complex biological systems,
designing new drugs (more powerful E?), modeling the world's climate, understanding the cosmos and finding out what exactly women want. For the moment, though, they are performing more humble tasks (like what is the appeal of VH1's reality shows?). At Aberystwyth University in Wales, Ross King and colleagues have created a robot called
Adam that can not only carry out experiments on yeast metabolism but also reason about the results and plan the next experiment. It is the world's first example of a machine that has made an independent scientific discovery -- in this case, new facts about the genetic make-up of baker's yeast. "On its own it can think of hypotheses and then do the experiments, and we've checked that it's got the results correct. People have been working on this since the 1960s. When we first sent robots to Mars, they really dreamt of the robots doing their own experiments on Mars. After 40 or 50 years, we've now got the capability to do that." Their next robot,
Eve (constructed from a supportive piece of Adam's endoskeleton located in his torso), will have much more brain power (ladies...) and will be put to work searching for new medicines...but for half the pay. (Oh yeah, I've got jokes...) King hopes the application of intelligent robotic thinking to the process of sifting tens of thousands of compounds for potential new drugs will be particularly valuable in the hunt for treatments for neglected tropical diseases like malaria...and whatever that rash on his junk may be. "It's good to be the King." So anyway, there you go. The back-story has been set for the new Terminator: Salvation coming out in a few weeks. All we have to do is wait for Adam & Eve to become self aware, get kicked out of the university Aberystwyth (not a typo), manufacture the new prototypes Cain & Abel, and then within a few weeks, humans will be completely obsolete...and therefore expendable. Just in time for me to start training at my new job.
Boulder B**ch - Police say a Boulder, Colorado woman
wrapped her boyfriend's dog in packing tape and stuck the animal upside down to a refrigerator because he wouldn't get rid of it. 20-year old Abby Toll was arrested Tuesday after police say she got into a fight with her boyfriend. She was charged with felony cruelty, drug possession and other counts and is free on $12,500 bond. She has declined to comment. Toll's 21-year-old boyfriend, Bryan Beck, faces lesser charges including a misdemeanor cruelty count. Police say Toll used packing tape to bind the legs, snout and tail of Beck's dog, a Shiba Inu named Rex. She told police she stuck the dog to the refrigerator because she was angry Beck wanted to keep it. Rex was taken to a shelter and will be put up for adoption. Toll was taken to a local vet, spayed so that she could never reproduce & spat upon by the local chapter of PETA for several hours. Okay, she wasn't...but really? Packing tape? That sh*t ain't cool. Even if that dog crapped in your mouth while you slept, you don't mummify it in packing tape and hang it upside down on the fridge like a f**king Post-It.
That'll do it for today. Gotta get back on the grind. Tomorrow I'll be calling around to get quotes for trucks, movers, etc & setting up everything left for my trip to Slick City for Apartment Search '09 (Part 1?). Should be fun to see the old city again.
Had a thought a few weeks ago...and basically, over the last six months, I've spent about 150 days in Denver, 9 in California, 8 in New Orleans, 5 in Las Vegas, and 4 back home during Christmas. I have been home the
FIFTH most of places that I've visited the past six months. So yeah, not necessarily a bad thing to spend some time there...even if at least for a few months before the next adventure. It'll really be good to see the family and the old friends that haven't made their way out here to Denver. Anyway, I'll keep you posted. Have a great day everybody!!!
Don Johnson Porn - Don Johnson will play a mustached porn director in the comedy "Born to Be a Star" for Sony Pictures and Happy Madison says The Hollywood Reporter. Nick Swardson ("Reno 911" & "Grandma's Boy") is starring as a small-town nerd who learns his quiet and demure parents were famous porn stars in the 1970s (we've all been there). This motivates him to leave northern Iowa for Hollywood, hoping to follow in their footsteps and fulfill his destiny as the biggest adult-film star in the world (biggest?). Johnson plays a down-on-his-luck director (Sonny Cockett?) who discovers Swardson and gives him a shot. Christina Ricci stars as Swardson's innocent girlfriend and Stephen Dorff as adult film star Dick Shadow (great name). Tom Brady (the quarterback?) is directing from a script co-written by Adam Sandler and Swardson. Sandler and Jack Giarraputo will produce. So there you have it. Comedy genius. Can't wait to see the movie. Should be pretty good.
Wall Street 2 - Have you ever thought "There's no possible way that this movie is going to be a hit!"? Well, I just did when I read this. (Deep breath) Oliver Stone has just closed a deal with 20th Century Fox to direct "Wall Street 2", the follow-up to Stone's 1987 drama with Michael Douglas returning to his signature role of Gordon Gekko reports the trades. The story will pick up with corporate raider Gordon Gekko's larger-than-life presence looming over a younger upstart looking to navigate the shark-tank world of today's currently in crisis Wall Street. Shia LaBeouf is in talks to take on the younger role. Allan Loeb ("21," "The Baster") was hired to rewrite the long-developing project last Fall and turned in a script strong enough to nab Stone who, up until that point, wasn't keen on the idea of a sequel. The original 1987 feature explored the inner workings of the finance sector and came to be seen as the archetypal portrayal of 1980's excess with its "greed is good' motto. Now, in today's economic climate, WHY would you want to make a movie like this? That had better be a damn good script. Because right now, everybody's angry at the financial institutions...and I'm thinking IF anybody went to see it in a theatre, it would be to see Gordon Gekko, his young apprentice and half of Wall Street get taken hostage by Mickey & Mallory...and the fireworks begin. Maybe that's the surprise ending. Sorry if I spoiled it everybody.
