Delirious....

Yup... that's about right. I usually am delirious, this morning because I got absolutely no sleep at all last night, so I have no idea where this thing is going. And of course, I was just having this conversation at my Alumni Networking event for Ashford University last night, how sleep and getting the proper rest is vital to everything that you do. I mentioned that also in my piece Coach LaSota's Formula for Success, but that didn't get much love, which is a damn shame, because there's some really good stuff in there.

Its crazy what comes up when I look for visuals to help me along with these blogs, and part of what makes them so fun, because often I don't even know what I'll get. This HAD to be used for the cover picture. Eddie Murphy's Delirious is probably the single funniest comedy routine ever to this very day, which is saying alot, but that was WAY back when he was the funniest person on the planet. God was he great! Then he went to the comedians graveyard.... he signed that Disney contract... and it was all gone. All the laughs.... gone. Now he's in that new flik with Ben Stiller. Ten years ago that match could have been sick, now there's just no way it can be good. Matthew Broderick is in it if that doesn't tell you something.

What's going on with Alison Lohman here? Either she's got the blowers cramp or someone's stuffing something into a very uncomfortable place, and I don't mean the back of a Volkswagon. She seems to be enjoying it though. This came up with the delirious search too, from a 2006 Delirious that must have completely sucked because I never heard of it, and I thought she may have been something after she looked so great in Big Fish and was so good in Matchstick Men.

Big Fish was probably the only Tim Burton movie I liked after Batman and Beetlejuice. What an over rated hack. And Matchstick Men, Nick Cage... UGH! Still, I like a whole lot more of his crap than Burton's. He must just do everything and hits a winner now and then. As for Lohman, she's pretty sexy here, huh? She'll probably have to do more of this with bombs like "Drag me to Hell" out there. What complete trash that was.

Maybe she'll follow Lindsay Lohan and bare it all for Playboy. That would probably actually disappoint me. I like this girl here. Now that Lohan is taking the plunge, how long before Britney Spears takes it all off? You think she'd go Hustler or Penthouse?

Now there's a classic! But tell me, what John Candy flik isn't? What a damn shame that was, but its what happens when you eat bad meat in Mexico. How do you not see that coming? The only thing more tragic to me was Michael J. Fox and his Parkinson's. Two guys who brought something great to everything they touched.

Talk about great ways to be touched. Hugh Hefner is the man. I caught the Showtime special on him last night and you really should see it. That man has done so much more than put naked 20 year old girls in magazines. He's touched your life in so many ways that you don't even know about, civil liberty sort of ways, that its just insane.

That there is Route 66 in New Mexico in the winter. Most people don't realize how cold it gets. This morning, for whatever reason, I was caught with the feeling I had one morning while moving back to NY from Vegas while pumping gas out there. I had my two little dogs, my ferret and my snake all piled into the car hauling a trailor behind me for three thousand miles. I looked out over a site very much like this one, only a lot more snow. This morning I had the same feeling that I did that day.

The next morning in Amarillo Texas is was so cold that the handle for the shower broke off in my hand and the faucet couldn't be turned off. The water just kept pouring out. I put the broken handle down on the counter when I checked out and kept it moving.

I was listening to Steve G. Jones again yesterday, and this guy is great, really knows his stuff, and it hit me that.... I really know my stuff too. And that's no joke. There are a few things that I really know well. All the important material to be a good Life Coach, I know it really well. Writing... I know that really well too. But one of the things that Jones said, and this is very true, is that the more relaxed you are the better you're going to be in everything you do. The good stuff just flows naturally. Yet I noticed it the other night playing darts... I get nervous for no good reason and it destroys my chances at being good. And somehow I'm that way in everything, playing ball, meeting chicks, telling people about my books, trying to get interviews for this blog, whatever.

Everything except.... Life Coaching.

And I know this is all still residual effects from the ex girlfriend taking off and pulling the rug out from under me. It often feels like there's no steady ground to stand on, even in the things that you know you do well. Its not that I haven't moved passed that event, I long since have. Its that I have yet to have, in all this time since, positive successful results to replace that negative association. So even with all I've done it feels as if nothing will ever work out.... because it hasn't yet, no matter what I do.

The right woman (or man for a chick), lets just say the right partner, is SO damn important to that. Its the single most important factor in your life. Of course the wrong one.... well, the wrong one will have you still getting nervous in almost everything you do even years later...

I dated a stripper in Vegas for a while after the event. This was the exact pose she was in when we introduced ourselves to one another. Yeah... that was a strange time in my life. And that didn't go the way I wanted either. But with strippers... does it ever really?

And here's the funny thing about those positive successful results and why its imperative to have passion for what you're doing in order to reach them.... they come slowly. This blog is perfect example of that. Right now I don't make money or gain much recognition from it, not even from the people closest to me. The numbers are trickle in.... yet yesterday alone I had articles read in Poland, Croatia, Russia, Moldova, Ghana, Italy, Great Britain, Egypt and Australia. And that's not counting all the many, many other nations across the globe where my voice has been heard. From the number too, I can also tell that these readers are passing them along to their friends. How many people out there actually have global influence like that? Not many.

No matter what your measure, how is that not great success?

Eh, but whatever. There were some things I had wanted to talk about, but I'm really just babbling right now. I don't even know what I'm saying anymore....

I'm feeling like this chick right here, but I warned you about that, so the rest will have to wait for tomorrow, unless I come up with something better to talk about. Hell, I've been waiting for something better to talk about since I started this, and that hasn't happened yet either, so don't hold your breath.

But then, there I go again, not giving myself enough credit. How many of you do that to yourselves too?

Enough of this.

Later People!

A deeply personal note from me to you... because you're incredible...

A lot of people had gotten to me yesterday about how much they could relate with what I was talking about. I had known that what I said was good and right because it came from that place where I was being as honest as a person can possibly be.

For a long time I had worried about what others thought about my work and what I was doing in pretty much all of my work and all of what I was doing. The end result became a sort of half truth that only proved to suppress me in the same way that all of my dead end jobs I never wanted to be at in the first place did. It was evident in my writing; even when it was good something was missing, and it failed to make that same sort of connection as yesterday's piece.

I have spent a long time now studying people, and there are two truths that have been since the first human breath was taken, and will always be true until the very last. Both involve our longing. The first is our longing to freely express our soul, as we do as children, to pour all of the joys of our heart into the world around us through our work, our play.

You show me a person who's forced to do things that they don't want to do too often and I'll show you a miserable bastard. Show me a person that doesn't have opportunities, for whatever the reasons, fear, oppression, to show off who it is that they really are through the things that they do and I'll show you desperation.

The other thing that we all long for is that sense of connection with our fellow man. We need to know that people get us, understand how we feel; we need to understand them. We need to know that we matter. We all, every one of us, need to feel loved, that we're not alone in the world, that we make a difference in people's lives, that we make those lives better.

You show me someone who feels alone in the world and I'll show you a person on the edge. You show me a person who feels like they don't matter and I'll show you a person who's lost everything, who's lost hope.

I've been driven to do most of everything that I've done so far in life by all of the worst in people. I was ruthlessly abused by my peers for all of the things that I didn't have, growing up as poor as can be. In many ways that still happens every day. No matter what I've ever done, it was never good enough for any of the people I surrounded myself with, I was never good enough, and that tainted the lens through which I see the world and left me jaded. In many ways I'm still not good enough. I became terrified to express who I am; I developed major depressive disorder, which I still deal with daily.

Many people have told me, and will tell me, that if I want to make a career of being a Life Coach then I can't show that side of myself. I can't be weak. I always have to put my best foot forward. I think that's a total crock of shit.

If you read my blog daily I take you along with me on my ups and downs. Some days I'm happy; some days I'm sad. Some days I'm strong, full of fire, and some I'm crushed by the days events. That's because I'm human, a man, real. It's precisely because of my pain that I can empathize with others' pain. It's because I've felt what they feel that I can see hurt in their eyes and my soul cries out to help them never to feel that again. It's because I don't want to hurt that I don't want you to hurt. It's because I, for so long, have been unable to express myself that I want you to be able to do so, to pour everything into realizing your dreams.

And that's precisely why I know how good I can be at this.

We all see the world in a certain way based on where we've been, what we've seen, who we're with and what has happened to us from our first thought to this moment right now. It's something I bring up often, and for good reason. Who we are and what we do rolls right off of that, is a direct result of it.

Our only real success in life comes from how well and how often we're able to fulfill those two longings, to find that self expression, in making that real human connection. That's where true happiness lies. And you can never find happiness without it. I've never been very good at either, and it's impossible not to see the marked difference in me when I am able to pull it off. But in my struggle to do so I've come to a great understanding of myself. 

I've never been the guy people seek out for a good time, never the one they think about when things are good. But, like a priest, they come to me when in need and disappear once fulfilled. The things that I do for that great release, writing, my pictures, Personal Performance Consulting (I like that one), are not and can not be the sort of thing I throw out in your face and convince you to want, or need, or get into. As such, I can not myself be something that I can convince people to want, or need, or be into. Rather, they have to be there when you need them, to connect, to see beauty, to make you feel better about who you are. I have to be there for you when you need.

This blog started as one thing, and became something very different. It's become my way of showing you all how I see the world. It's become my way of showing you who I am. And when you enjoy it, when you can relate, when you agree with or know what it is that I'm saying, when you feel the same, then in those brief moments you are connecting with my heart; you're one with my soul. In those moments you are me, and I am you. In those moments... I'm not alone. In those moments I'm free, and I matter.

For all of those reasons I thank you with every fiber of my being.
And I love you.

Sincerely,
John LaSota