BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz! (Now Reinforced With Special Crotchal Gussets!)

("Don't Fred On Me")

If you're American, live near America, or have been occupied by America (I think everyone in the world falls under at least one of these categories), then you probably know that on July 4th we will be celebrating our Independence Day. Yes, it was on this day over 400 years ago that we liberated ourselves from our evil Canadian overlords. That means this coming weekend people all over this great land will be celebrating by having decidedly un-vegan barbecues and by making colorful things explode in the sky. It also means that I will not be posting on July 4th or July 5th, but that I will return on Wednesday, July 6th with regular updates.

If you're wondering why the extra day, it's because it will take me some time to emerge from my subterranean bunker. I have many phobias, but perhaps my biggest one is teenagers wielding Roman candles.

Also, if all that weren't auspicious enough, the Tour de France begins tomorrow. And while I won't be posting here until Wednesday, I will be posting Tour de France-related stuff on the "Bicycling" website during that time. In fact, my preview post was just published, complete with stunning graphic:

I think "avec" is French for "meh."

If you care to be apprised of when further posts are published, you can check my Tweeting thing. Or, if you prefer the Tour de France "CliffsNotes," here it is: Contador's going to win, Tom Danielson is riding his first-ever Tour at the point in his career when most people retire from it, and as of this year George Hincapie has officially ridden more Tours de France than there have actually been Tours de France.

While I'm in information-dispensing mode, I'd also like to inform you that on July 8th there is a party in San Francisco:

I mention this because Stevil Kinevil of All Hail The Black Market is involved, and if you're the sort of person who enjoys parties then you know his imprimatur is a sure sign of quality.

As for Levi's putting their imprimatur on cycling pants, I suppose if you already wear Levi's and you also ride your bike a lot then Levi's offering a more bikey alternative isn't a bad thing. As it happens, someone recently sent me a pair of these bikey Levi's, and here they are with a grand total of three (3) disembodied feet:

So far, I've only worn these once--not because I don't like them, but because as a father of 17 children who has no desire to impress anybody I've officially given up on affectations like personal grooming and wearing shoes and long pants in summer. If you ever happen to come across me, expect extreme schlubbiness. Anyway, the pants are pretty comfy, but I have no idea what they cost. They also have a loop on the waist to hang your u-lock from, because for some reason urban cyclists love to hang a bunch of crap off their pants even though they also love gigantic expensive bags, and presumably Levi's needs to keep up with the times by making it easy for them to hang their baubles.

Speaking of packages (in that pants serve to contain yours), a commenter yesterday reminded me that, in summarizing the Mario Cipollini bike review, I somehow missed the most suggestive phrase of all:

built around an all-Italian package

The more I read that review, the more confused I get, since I can't tell if they're talking about the bike or about Cipollini himself:

(A rider straddles the Cipollini's all-Italian package.)

In the end, though, I'm not sure it really matters.

With that, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you're right, and if you're wrong you'll see charismatic duo Rooster and the Flash.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and enjoy the holiday weekend.

Love,

--Wildcat Rock Machine

(Ironic facial hair is a gateway drug to veganism.)

1) Dave Zabriskie is a "vegan" who eats:

--Salmon

--Egg whites

--Cream cheese

--Dog meat

2) The time-traveling t-shirt-wearing retro-Fred from the planet Tridork's real name is:

--Bret

--Brett

--Brent

--Pongo Twistleton

(That's one way to keep your helment on.)

3) This RAAM rider is suffering from a condition known as:

--Shermer's Neck

--Schecter's Back

--Schindler's Lisp

--Bib Short-Induced Nippleitis

4) Can I borrow some money to ____________?

--Get a sandwich?

--Buy a brake?

--Boot my tire?

--Score more bamboo?

(Noseless? Or just melting?)

5) Studies prove that noseless saddles result in:

--Performance gains of up to six seconds per kilometer in time trials

--A smoother pedal stroke

--Enhanced distance, velocity, and accuracy of the male ejaculate

--Increased "night boners" in police

("This ain't no hipster shit.")

6) "This ain't no hipster shit" is to "Racing towards Hook" as "This is vegan" is to Dave Zabriskie's diet.

--True

--False

(P-far freestyling.)

7) With mere hours to go, the director of Critical Mass documentary "Last Friday of the Month" is close to meeting his fundraising goal.

--True

--False

***Special "Hipster Shit"-Themed Bonus Question***

("Guess what I'm holding?" via Ant1)

Knuckle tattoos are out; _______________ tattoos are in.

--Wrist

--Inner lip

--Ambiguous bird

--Lethargic housecat