Are you sick of the fact that some people have nice bikes and others have crappy ones? Does the iniquity of the fact that 1% of the cycling population controls the majority of the world's artisanally hand-crafted bicycles while the 99% must make do with mass-produced bikes from Taiwan fill you with rage? Do you like sandwiches? Well, if you answered "Yuh" to at least two out of three of these questions, then join me tomorrow for #OccupyPhillyBikeExpo!
That's right--from 2:00 to 2:45pm tomorrow I'll be #Occupying the Philly Bike Expo, smashing cycling industry greed (except for my own, which doesn't count), and redistributing wealth by showing a bunch of funny pictures and then giving away stuff from Knog, Rapha, and Just Coffee Cooperative, all of whom are giant multinational soul-sucking corporations who are ruining the planet. (Knog make their blinky lights from endangered lizards, Rapha's offshore drilling operations are spilling millions of gallons of chamois cream into the Gulf of Mexico, and Just Coffee Cooperative regularly works with the CIA to install puppet regimes in South America.)Let it be known that I intend to #OccupyPhillyBikeExpo for as long as it takes for the 99% to prevail--or until 2:46pm, whichever comes first.
1) Most tech pundits believe the "next big thing" in cyclocross will be:
2) Mark "The Man Missile" Cavendish's significant other, Peta Todd, is:
--Busty
--Pregnant
--A woman of profound cultural sensitivity
--All of the above
3) In a phenomenon that Pope Benedict XVI has now officially recognized as a miracle, a statue of Mario Cipollini has been dripping oil continuously since 1999.
--True
--False
4) Today marks the end of PETA's:
--Cat Week 2011
--Dog Days of Autumn campaign
6) According to weird smugness style diktats, the preferred footwear for cargo cycling is the:
And in addition to bringing the finest in lights, embrocations, and coffee, (the gold, frankincense, and myrrh of the cycling world), I'll also be bringing an entire day's worth of crap-tastic weather!
You can thank me afterwards (if you can catch me before 2:46pm), and if it rains feel free to take the bus.
You can thank me afterwards (if you can catch me before 2:46pm), and if it rains feel free to take the bus.Speaking of #Occupying, you'll be not even remotely surprised to learn that the people #Occupying Portland have built...a bicycle generator:
How anything in this video is any different from pretty much any other given day in Portland is beyond me. In fact, building bicycle generators is Portland's answer to pretty much everything. The 99% is broke and unemployed? Build a bicycle generator! We've been fighting two different wars for the entire 21st century? Build a bicycle generator! Bicycle generator on the fritz? Build a bicycle generator! Building a bicycle generator is Portland's version of "Uh-oh, we'd better stock up on bottled water and duct tape."
In any event, if you're reading this on a bicycle generator-powered computer, you'd better keep pedaling because it's time for a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll #OccupyBeingAwesome, and if you're wrong you'll see...this.
How anything in this video is any different from pretty much any other given day in Portland is beyond me. In fact, building bicycle generators is Portland's answer to pretty much everything. The 99% is broke and unemployed? Build a bicycle generator! We've been fighting two different wars for the entire 21st century? Build a bicycle generator! Bicycle generator on the fritz? Build a bicycle generator! Building a bicycle generator is Portland's version of "Uh-oh, we'd better stock up on bottled water and duct tape."
In any event, if you're reading this on a bicycle generator-powered computer, you'd better keep pedaling because it's time for a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll #OccupyBeingAwesome, and if you're wrong you'll see...this.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and hopefully I'll see some of you in Philadelphia.
--Wildcat Rock Machine (#Occupied)
1) Most tech pundits believe the "next big thing" in cyclocross will be:
(Peta Todd giving good headdress.)
2) Mark "The Man Missile" Cavendish's significant other, Peta Todd, is:
--Busty
--Pregnant
--A woman of profound cultural sensitivity
--All of the above
3) In a phenomenon that Pope Benedict XVI has now officially recognized as a miracle, a statue of Mario Cipollini has been dripping oil continuously since 1999.--True
--False
4) Today marks the end of PETA's:
--Cat Week 2011
--Dog Days of Autumn campaign
(Japanese flag slippers are not technically acceptable for cargo cycling, and turning to stare at your load is a major faux-pas.)
6) According to weird smugness style diktats, the preferred footwear for cargo cycling is the:
--Sandal
--Moccasin
(One of these guys actually said this.)
Cycling convert Gary Kemp, ______________'s guitarist, remembers the first time he clocked the carefully art-directed photography of the Rapha website four and half years ago. 'It was like the time I saw the Sex Pistols at The Screen on the Green and swore I'd never wear flares again. Here was a new tribe and I knew that I had to be part of it. Within minutes I was buying clothes from this supercool English company, and I didn't even have the bike!'
7) Gary Kemp is the guitarist for which band?
***Special Missed Connections-Themed Bonus Question***
(But does he wear Rapha?)
She blinded me with:
--Science
--Silence
--Safety
--Smugness
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