Hard As Steel & Still Gettin' Harder

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Friday night, the Parliament Funkadelic and their prime minister of funk relations, Mr. George Clinton rocked Yoshi's Jazz Club... and funked with many a mind. Not only that, I think they've done 7-8 shows since Thursday there... and even Bubbles got in on the action Saturday night. The concert was great, though a little shorter than the last time when it was just a single show... but that makes a little sense since they were doing two a night. This time, I even got a complimentary upgrade to a table... but that didn't last long as about ten minutes into the show, I was up on the dance floor and shaking what my mother gave me.

Now, I'm REALLY thinking about going to Lake Tahoe the last weekend of this month... because Steve Miller Band is playing at Montbleu on July 30th... and it'd really help if I could convince some people to go with me. You know... because gas is expensive unless you cut it in half... and then it's just ridiculous. I will keep you posted... as I do miss Lake Tahoe... especially in the summer... and I've yet to make it up there... and maybe I'll meet up with my stepsister and her family for a bit. See, they were in Utah this past 4th of July week so I just missed them... and I know the kids miss their Uncle $teve. How could they not? I'm the bee's knees. Besides, it's only right that I go see this show... as for the first few months when I was living in Tahoe, Steve Miller Band was pretty much the only thing in Gretchen's CD player. "Nooorthern California where the girls are warm..." yeah, it's just a great CD for driving around up there. Anyway, I'll keep you posted.

Saturday, I basically spent the entire morning at the gym... and yes, even after funkin' out to P-Funk the night before, because I'm gonna look like Jesus and still eat what I want dammit. Played a little basketball, though not my best by any stretch of the imagination, but I'll get back into it. Did a little jogging on the machine, lifted some weights, you know the drill. Also trying to do more cooking... so I cooked some tikka masala chicken on rice, hard boiled some eggs (for protein breakfast so that my guns POP), and stocked the pantry for some future adventures. Pretty boring stuff, I know...

So I rented a few movies that you might like... like "Battle: Los Angeles" starring Aaron Eckhart & Michelle Rodriguez. For those who didn't see the previews, this is basically the same story as "Skyline" (which sucked & was released around the same time) but it follows a retiring staff sargeant (Eckhart) who is immediately called back into service because... the coasts of several major cities around the world are being invaded by aliens. Why? Watch the movie... but it's what any war is really about... whether extraterrestrial or domestic... resources. The staff sargeant & his crew are sent on a mission into the battlefield to rescue civilians from a police station... and that's when the action really starts. Now... I could bog you down with the MANY inconsistencies of the story, editing, etc. involved while watching this movie... but it actually wasn't that bad. Ten times better than "Skyline" was... so yeah, give it a chance if that's your thing. I liked it.

Next up was "I Am Number Four" starring Timothy Olyphant & Alex Pettyfer. Now, I know that a whole lot of the appeal of this movie... was that nobody really knew what it was about... you know, like "Super 8" & "Cloverfield" that whole JJ Abrams type marketing that's now being used... but basically the movie is about these aliens that came down to Earth to hide from other evil aliens... but the evil aliens have found them here on Earth and are killing them off... apparently in numerical order which I didn't totally grasp... but hey, maybe it's like a interstellar game of 9-ball or something. Oh yes, Galactic Billiards. Google it. Anyway, the first three are dead... and now Number Four (Pettyfer) and his handler (Olyphant) are being chased... as they have been their whole lives... but now Number Four is in love with this cute girl that he met at high school... and there's bullies... and he doesn't want to run anymore... and he has these new super powers... and it kind of turns into "Twilight" meets "Highlander" or something but all in all, it was actually a pretty decent show. It's set up for sequels... so we'll see if those happen... but obviously you can't go with "I Am Number Four... Two" or something like that... so it'll probably be "Who is Number Five?" to which I reply... "Johnny Five is Alive!" It was a stretch... but I seem to remember there being talks of a "Short Circuit" reboot somewhere so... come on, Hollywood! What the f**k?

Lastly for the evening was another random Netflix selection while watching with my roommate Bee Master. Occasionally we'll just glance through the Netflix selections... and find something that just has to be seen. The other day, it was "Parking Wars" a reality show about meter maids... in other cities where the fines are about a quarter of what they are here in San Francisco. We watched an episode... and then looked for more. Something... Mystery Science Theatre 3000 worthy.

Then we stumbled upon it... a synopsis that totally toyed with my Ten Things That'll Make Me Watch Your Movie... and just a few more titilating words that peaked my interest. Please read it very careful... and tell me that you're not intrigued. "For devilishly mad "astro-scientist" Dr. DeMarco, a typical day involves run-ins with reanimated corpses, bloodthirsty solar-powered killer robot zombies, Chinese communist spies and vicious Mexican secret agents." You simply must watch this movie, right? Then... you look at the poster for it... and it looks like Jason from Friday the 13th in a leisure suit with a machete in one hand... and a hot blonde in a mini skirt in the other... oh, you MUST watch this movie.

So we watched 1969's "Astro Zombies" starring... some people. Let me tell you... from the opening scene... this movie was just... incredible to watch. I believe the writers of this flick basically made a 20 minute movie... and then through the magic of editing, overexposition and just drawing out every possible thing (much like I would honestly do in a horror flick if I made it) they turned it into a 90 minute masterpiece of mockable fun. There's non-sensical plots, hot nurses, random b**ch slaps, knives deterring gun fights for some reason, overuse of the word "Doctor" like I'm watching "Spies Like Us" as a kid again, naked girls dancing for some reason, random shifts between day & night, the worst policemen EVER, a big breasted woman who likes to show a little inner thigh before she puts a cap in your ass, and you'll never guess who are the Chinese communists spies... and who are the vicious Mexican secret agents. Spoiler hint: Don't believe the poncho! Truly a marvelous evening of satirical movie watching. I'd gladly watch it again... but not alone. It's one of those movies to be shared with friends. Because otherwise, they won't believe that this movie is real.

Anyway, this morning was more gym... and now I've got laundry to do... then maybe swing over to Golden Gate Park for some SF Symphony. We shall see. The day is young. Have a great day everybody!!! Let me know if you're interested in a road trip to Lake Tahoe in a few weeks.

George Clinton & P-Funk 2: Funk Harder

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, in a few hours in my 2nd concert since February bearing witness to the funk legend George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic at Yoshi's Jazz Club on Fillmore. It should be fantastic... and I got the tickets for half off at the festival the other day. Yippee!!! What's even better though? IT'S FRIDAY, B**CHES!!! BE MERRY!!! Honestly, this week has just been a whole lot of work... followed by taking out my frustrations at the gym... and repeat for about four days. I did, of course, find a little time for movie watching with the roommates. Oh... and the new roommate... I'm thinking her name will be... Bee Master. Why? Because I said so... and yes, it's ridiculous. I don't care. It's my blog. Deal with it.

The first up is one I actually watched a while ago... but just forgot to mention it. It's the mid-90's cult flick "Hackers" starring Angelina Jolie, Johnny Lee Miller & Matthew Lillard. It's a bit of a dated & campy movie... but still kind of fun in its own way. There's this guy (Miller) who is apparently the greatest computer hacker ever... so good that he was banned as a child from ever being near a computer until his 18th birthday because he shut down the system or something. Anyway, he grows up, goes off to NYC to go to college... and he gets pulled into this cool underground of hackers... where he meets the hot chick (Jolie) who wants nothing to do with him... and it goes from there, they get framed, chased by the government, bad one liners, blah blah blah, you know the drill. Give it a gander if you've wondered if Angelina could pull off being a b**ch with short pixie hair. Spoiler alert: She can.

Next up was "How Do You Know?" starring Paul Rudd, Reese Witherspoon, Owen Wilson & Jack Nicholson and directed by James L. Brooks ("As Good As It Gets"). It's a modern day love story about a retiring softball player (Witherspoon) who is dating a douchy (but rich) professional baseball pitcher (Wilson). There's also a guy (Rudd) who is suddenly under investgation by the SEC & he doesn't know why... but his father (Nicholson) the president of the company might know why. Well, one day they meet, they chat, they have a good time, and life gets in the way... and its a romantic comedy from there out. A pretty good one... but yeah, you kind of just have to go with it for the most part. I may sound cynical... but that's just my experience. Perhaps I'll find somebody down the road who makes me feel something more for rom-coms... but right now, I'm content with just making fun of them & still a hopeless romantic in real life. Like... completely hopeless maybe. Check it out.

Then there was "Knight & Day" starring Tom Cruise & Cameron Diaz. Now, I had absolutely no intention of EVER watching this movie. None. Then... a fairly reliable source when it comes to movies suggested it to me... and it wasn't too bad actually. The story is about an allegedly rogue secret agent named Roy (Cruise) who meets up with this girl (Diaz) at an airport... and suddenly she's involved in an international manhunt & the only person that can save her... is Roy. The only thing is... he's a little crazy... and the situations that he gets in are a little crazy... and everybody's trying to kill him. Anyway, I actually highly recommend this for a little action-comedy. The humor was pretty good... and I really liked some of the transitions (like the haze when she's under the influence of a calming agent) and the dynamic of how he's so cool under pressure & she freaks out most of the time. I'm also almost certain there were a lot of movie magic with milk crates to get Tom Cruise up to Cameron Diaz height on a few shots but... hey, that's Hollywood. Check it out if that's your thing.

Lastly, I'm going to mention the 2004 version of "Dawn of the Dead" starring Ving Rhames & directed by Zach Snyder ("300" & "Watchmen"). I feel like I had seen parts of this movie before... but never the whole thing... and I have to tell you, it's pretty awesome for a zombie movie. The story is like all zombie movies. The dead come back suddenly & long for brains. Millions dead. Few survivors. This one is set at a mall in Milwaukee... and it's your usual gallery of survivors like a cop, a pregnant chick, a nurse, a salesman, some security guards, a hick, a rich prick, a hot chick that shows her tits, some old people, the list goes on. However, the way that it's told... and the danger that they face... is pretty well done. Sure, there are obviously a few things thrown in to spice things up... like a dumb b**ch risking everybody to save her f**king dog... and everybody trying to be in charge but having no real ideas... but hey, that's what brings conflict into the movie... and makes it more intense, right? Right. Highest of recommendations for zombie movie lovers. You know who you are... and you've probably already seen this... and the original... so why are you still reading? Ah, you must like my rants. Thanks.

Anyway, that'll do it for tonight. I've got a concert to get ready for & I haven't even had dinner yet. Oh well, I can always drink my dinner. IT'S FRIDAY, B**CHES!!! Have a great weekend!!!

Fillmore Jazz Festival

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Well, the weekend is going pretty great so far. Saturday was more of a kick back & relax day, a few hours at the gym, cooked a little bit, ran out to Daly City to do some errands & affordable clothes shopping, with a little stop by The Final Final for some pool & beer in the evening... since I basically was alone in my apartments. All of the roommates & friends had their own things going on with birthday parties & trips to see the family for the holidays so... yeah. Good times.

Today though, Sunday, I was going exploring. I had heard so many things about some of the beautiful parks in the parts of the city that I haven't really exlored yet... and noticed that a few of them were right by the Fillmore Jazz Festival. So I thought... with the help of $2 and a Muni pass... that I could go check some of them out. My first stop was Alamo Square, home of the famous "Painted Ladies" Victorian-esque homes that you might see in a few movies set in San Francisco... or Full House.

You know why I like this name, right?

Next was Buena Vista Park, which I believe is just about the highest point in the city... and a lot of the views of the city are obstructed by giant trees (and my camera doesn't focus on distant things well) so it's even better than these pictures give due...

After strolling around there for a few, I decided to hop back on the Muni and head towards Fillmore Street Jazz Festival. There were about a half dozen musical acts playing & plent of food & beer to go around (for a price). As you might expect, you can't really have Jazz without barbecue (perfect for the weekend) and it can't be San Francisco without alternatives (Thai, vegan, etc) and it was a great atmosphere. I really enjoyed walking around Fillmore Street during the day, as the other times that I had been in the area were at night for concerts. BTW, got a ticket for George Clinton this Friday half off at Yoshi's booth. BOOYAH!!! P-Funk y'all!!! Here are some pictures...

I know it says no photos... but I had to share with you...

Towards the end of the festival, here's the view from Fillmore & Broadway overlooking the Marina District & the Bay.

That's pretty much it so far today. Gonna rehydrate from my day or walking all around town in the gorgeous weather (SO many hills) and may head out on the town again tonight... but we shall see. Tomorrow night, I'm thinking fireworks out on Crissy Fields. What do you think? Any other suggestions? Hope that you are all having a great weekend!!!

Godfather of Funk

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

I know… I’m getting sloppy with keeping up with this thing… but rest assured, it’s not for a lack of trying. I’ve just been HELLA busy getting everything squared away with the new job, new apartment, moving in general, and then to be an ass… I went to Vegas for the weekend. I know, right? What the hell was I thinking? I’m glad you asked… because it had been a while since I went to visit my mistress… and I had planned this a few months ago… and I was going to f**k sh*t up with my Wingman… regardless of where I was flying from so… ain’t nothing changing but the tail number on the flight. Now, before that though, I was able to spend one evening in my new bedroom before that. Wednesday night, after work, I ran some errands & then started moving all of my bedroom stuff out of the living room into the recently-vacated master bedroom… and the only tricky stuff was the king mattress up a narrow staircase & the dresser for sheer weight, but it was done fairly easily… and I even set up the projector TV for my roommates… as they went through my extensive DVD collection & we chatted and got to know each other. I think they were more curious about me though… but seriously, what kind of a man has a collection of movies including everything from the Muppets to the Marx Brothers to Marilyn Monroe to Tony Montana to Martin Scorsese to Mariah Carey? Oh wait, that last one was a CD case they found. Don’t judge me. I’m a sucker for sultry R&B singers. Deal with it. They are… and they like it. Anyway, enough about that, on to Vegas…

Thursday after work, I took the BART for the first time… and managed to f**k that up. Apparently, you get off at a certain stop in San Bruno, then switch to another train that takes you out to the airport, even though the signage says to stay on a certain train until the next stop when you get off the train… so yeah, I looked like a dumbass getting off the train & then hopping right back on with my baggage. Luckily, I looked stupid enough that a few people noticed. I sat next to some guys in construction. “Excuse me, you going to the airport?” “Yeah, is this the right way?” “You want to get off on that last stop, go to the other side, and then that’ll take you out there… but now, it’s gonna be about 45 minutes or so cuz you have to get off at the next one at Millbrae, wait for that train, take it back there, wait for another one… you know?” “Ah… lame…” It was about this time that I felt a hand on my shoulder from behind. Luckily I could tell it was a lady hand otherwise somebody might’ve gotten popped.

“Sir, if you would like, I’m getting off at Millbrae & I could drive you out to the Airport if you would like. It’s just a few minutes from where I live.” “Well, I don’t want to intrude or anything…” “No intrusion. It’ll be my good deed for the day.” “Oh well… if it’s your good deed for the day… then it’d be rude to deny you that.” So Soccer Mom was there with a field trip as a chaperon with her daughter… but the daughter wanted to go hang out with her friends at In-n-Out Burger, so it was basically just the two of us running out to the airport. We chatted. She asked me where I was going, from, etc. & somehow we got to talking about traveling the world… and we both yakked about Italy & France (apparently she goes there every few months with her job) and yeah, good times. Then I got to the airport to find my flight delayed about two hours so… that 45 minutes wouldn’t have been a problem but I’m glad it worked out that way.

Eventually I made it to Vegas, met up with the Wingman, and we checked into the new Cosmopolitan hotel at the City Center on the Strip. The last time I had been to the Strip, the City Center was still a bit of an eyesore from my view at the Grand Chateau… but now, it’s a pretty hip trendy place to see & be seen. The hotel is VERY modern contemporary… but still pretty cool. They have a bar shaped like a giant chandelier, LCD screens EVERYWHERE, with images of Jellyfish on pillars, and hip futuristic designs throughout. Very cool, you should check it out if you get the chance, even just the casino. The rooms were pretty nice too… except one little thing. We had a room with two double beds, so intended for a family, right? Well, the shower… has this sliding curtain so you can watch the person shower… or if you’re more conservative, just watch their silhouette bathe. We decided that this hotel room was geared more towards swingers than family. Anyway, here are some pictures…

That night, we didn’t do a whole hell of a lot. Both of us had been up since the crack of dawn… and my flight was late… so we had a great Italian dinner at the Bootlegger & got some essentials at Safeway and then enjoyed the Fountains of Bellagio from the window of our 37th floor room and turned in around midnight.

Friday, we eventually got out of bed & wandered about the City Center & the Strip. Yeah, just wandered during the few daylight hours that we had, ate at Fatburger, grabbed a 100 oz alcoholic beverage by the yard (with a little extra booze courtesy of gratuity) & this started off the evening right… but here are pictures of the day first…

"That's your problem right there... your camshaft..."

Next was the Cirque du Soleil production Zumanity at New York New York. I had wanted to see this show for a while… because you know… I’ve heard great things about Cirque… but daddy also likes strip clubs… so when it came down to one or the other… I always went with the other… until they decided to combine the sensuality of the strip club… without the lingering smell. What is that smell by the way? Desperation? Smut? I think it’s smut. Anyway, this show was amazing… and very sexy & sensual… and incredible performers… and even funny. Don’t know what I need to do to be part of the interactivity with the performers (buy seats closer & be middle aged) but I may have to consider it. I highly recommend it.

This is actual the new Sirens at TI but... no pictures in Zumanity

After the show, we ugh… well… we went where gentlemen do when in Vegas and unattached to any female counterparts. No, not the clubs like Tryst (by the way, my favorite, just for the name), but rather the gentlemen’s clubs… and long story short, we found a great place to get Chinese food at 4 AM called… I think it was Harbor Palace… damn drinks… but they’ll kick you out at 5 AM. Trust me.

Saturday, we arose at the crack of noon, then enjoyed my new favorite Vegas buffet, the Wicked Spoon at the Cosmopolitan. Great food, wide selection, trendy atmosphere, and only $23 (or $35 if you want mimosas & bloody marys). I was severely stuffed by the end of the meal… and I had barely touched the dessert section with various gelatos for my enjoyment. Yeah… it was that good. Oh... and I jumped off the Stratosphere around sunset...

That evening, our first stop was the concert of the amazing Richard Cheese & Lounge Against the Machine at the Green Valley Resort in Henderson (about 20 minutes from the Strip). For those of you who don’t know (apparently new to the blog), Richard Cheese performs lounge version of hip-hop & heavy metals songs. You have the usual quartet of drums, bass, piano & lounge singer… and the fairly standard melodies… but the words are that of popular songs that… just go so well in the format. From the opener of “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails… to the tango of “Insane in the Membrane” by Cypress Hill… to a soulful rendition of “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-A-Lot… to the closer of “Summertime” by Sublime, just an incredible show with plenty of humor to go around. Really considering going to see him again on February 20th here in San Francisco. The only problem… standing room only venue… but it worked pretty well later in the week, but more on that later. Again, highly recommended if they come to your town.

Next, the Wingman & I decided to go see “The Mechanic” starring Jason Statham, Donald Sutherland & Ben Foster. It’s the story of a hitman (Statham) who gets a job from his superiors to take out his own handler (Sutherland) which of course he does. Well, his handler’s deadbeat son (Foster) is hellbent on finding the man that killed his father… but asks the hitman for help. Awkward… and the story goes from there. Basically it’s everything that you’d expect from a Jason Statham movie. Fights, guns, blood, shirtless, car chases, more fights, more guns, steely demeanors, don’t get me wrong, I like Jason Statham & he’s obviously the best there is as far as action heroes nowadays. I’m just saying nobody in this movie will be considered for an Academy Award. Action was okay… story VERY predictable… see it if you’d like.

Sunday, I had an early morning flight, which apparently went to LAX before going to SFO, which kinda sucked… but whatever, I had a seat with good legroom so I let it slide. Got back to the apartment, started unloading a few boxes in the bedroom, got a pizza with the roommates, then… they found the Rock Band. At that point, any plans that I had to finish the bedroom went completely out the window… but a Rock Band Party ensued… so it was okay. I don’t think I need to tell you… but the ladies were impressed with the Golden Pipes… and they haven’t experienced the guitar skills yet (apparently it’s still broken, but two new ones are on the way).

Monday was work, then Bubbles wanted company for her monthly grocery shopping trip… and I didn’t have any food, so I accompanied her there… and to Petco (had Brutis’ back to make sure she got the good stuff). Eventually I made it back home, unloaded some more boxes, then when the roommates started going to bed, I decided to go downstairs & watch a movie, “Repo Men” starring Jude Law, Forest Whitaker & Liev Schrieber. It’s a futuristic story of people basically repossessing organ transplants when hospital bills aren’t paid in a timely manner. Seems to make sense, right? Yeah, if you’re a heartless cretin like me… but apparently it’s a bad thing. It’s a movie full of parellels & metaphors for the human condition… and it’s actually a pretty good flick, though gritty & bloody at times, but nothing amazing. The RZA had a cameo so I had to throw up a WU but other than that, not a whole lot of great things about the movie.

Tuesday was work, even though I was feeling a little under the weather (usual Vegas weekend flu?) then I was able to set up my bed, just in time to go to the George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelic concert at Yoshi’s Jazz Club. The venue was surprisingly nice… not sure what I was expecting exactly but this was above & beyond… like a real nice jazz club with seats, waitresses, and of course… a dance floor. Once the music started, this white boy got funky. I hate to say it… but George is getting up there in the years… and I think he might have a throat ailment or two… but he’s still a great performer, full of charisma, and P-Funk is absolutely amazing. The concert was over three hours… and brought out all the classics… and even George’s granddaughter had a nice couple of numbers. I couldn’t quite make out her name (throat ailment or two) but yeah, pretty good. Google it. Even mild illness couldn’t keep me from getting my funk on for hours at a time… but I sure felt it this morning when I woke up. Well worth it though. If you EVER get a chance to see them in concert, do yourself a favor and get seats… or dance floor admission. Whatever’s clever.

Anyway, that’s the week that was. I’ll try to keep up on this thing a little better now that I’m starting to get settled… but hey, if you don’t hear from me, it obviously means that I’m out doing something fun… so I won’t feel too bad about it & neither should you. Have a great day everybody!!!