Behold the Brady Six

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

There was some great football the past few days, wasn’t there? The Texans won their first playoff game in franchise history against the Bengals. The Saints & Lions had a bit of a shootout at the Superdome… and I was kinda hoping the Lions might get their 2nd playoff win since 1954, but now the Saints are coming here to San Francisco for what should be a GREAT game. Tebow worked his magic against the Steelers… and now I kinda want him to pull out the upset of the Patriots next week. I can see it now… Broncos & 49ers in the Super Bowl. I think the odds for that going into the seasons would’ve been about 1600 to one if both were about 40-1 shots. Anyway, still a lot of steps to go before that happens.

Last night, I watched some special by ESPN about “The Tom Brady 6” which basically talked about Tom Brady’s unlikely rise to superstardom. It starts out about how he wasn’t even the starting quarterback on his high school team here in the Bay Area, so he wasn’t highly touted. He went to Michigan where he started out at the 4th or 5th quarterback on the depth chart… and the best that he could plan to do was backup to Drew Henson, probably the biggest recruit in YEARS for the Wolverines. Well, Drew went pro in baseball after getting a little outshined by Tom, so he got the starting job. Then after college, he was really only even mildly sought after by two teams after his pre-draft workouts… so there were SIX quarterbacks drafted ahead of him. He fell to the sixth round, to the New England Patriots, and he was their 4th stringer. There was even a story about how he grew up idolizing Joe Montana… and wanted nothing more than to be a 49er… and they were looking for a quarterback… and they were one of the two teams interested… and in the third round, they picked… Giovanni Carmazzi out of Hofstra. Now, you may be asking yourself WHO??? Yeah, he didn’t last… but having six QBs drafted ahead of him, and a little bitterness towards the 49ers, only fueled Tom to be better & work harder… so he did. Then he worked his way to backup to Pro Bowler Drew Bledsoe, as happens in football, Drew got hurt, Tom stepped in… and 3 Super Bowl rings later he hasn’t looked back & hasn’t continued to strive to be better… and he has a baby mama actress to go with the supermodel wife. Play on playa!

The moral of the story: Sometimes things don’t go as planned… like most of the time. You can only control what you can control. There will be plenty of adversity in your life… and you may not feel that you get the recognition that you deserve… but the only way to change that is to step up & do better, be better, live better. Who knows? Do you think if Tom Brady was picked by the 49ers instead of what’s-his-name (who by the way is a farmer with goats now apparently) that he would have been motivated to do what he’s done? Would he have stepped in for Jeff Garcia one day, led the 49ers to a few Super Bowls and never looked back? Perhaps. Do you think if the Cleveland Browns would’ve picked him instead of Spergon Wynn that they would be the dynasty of the last decade? Then again, maybe he would’ve came in to relieve Tim Couch after yet another horrible performance… and subsequently broke his leg or blew out his ACL in practice or something, gets cut & goes on to sell insurance. You just never know what’s going to happen… but you prepare for the worst and be your best, never stopping, always growing. Go ahead & take a few minutes to look at your own situation. What can you be doing right now that would be better for your life than reading this sentence on my blog? The answer: Absolutely nothing. However, I highly recommend that while you’re waiting for my next post that you get up, get out & get something. You have my support!

Next up… well, funny story. A few weeks ago, I caught a special on TV about “The Real Rocky” or rather the real life boxer nicknamed “The Bayonne Bleeder” that was the inspiration for the character Rocky Balboa. My roommate Pixie & one of her friends watched a few minutes of it with me before heading out for the evening. Then with the holidays, we haven’t seen much of each other. Well, last night… I watched a documentary that I DVR’d about the making of the Rocky movies… all six of them. So about half way through it… Pixie comes home and sees me watching a Rocky documentary, so she jokingly said, “I kinda feel you’re always watching this Rocky documentary… and have been for weeks.” Sigh… yes, I may have a problem… but if it were Batman or something more artsy, she’d be right there with me. Anyway, yeah… it was a pretty good little documentary. Did you know that Dolph Lundgren was a Swedish model turned martial arts master turned MIT graduate in Chemical Engineering turned actor? How about that Mr. T was valedictorian of his high school class? Or that Adrian wasn’t cast until about a week before filming started… and Carrie Snodgress was going to play her until her agent wanted more money that they didn’t have? Well, now you know. Also, Rocky is really an inspirational tale along the lines of Tom Brady earlier in this rant… but yeah, you already knew that.

Modern Art: Still Don’t Get It – I am not a professional artist. My artistic skills are lacking with the exception of occasional wordsmithing. Ask me to draw a picture, you’ll probably be disappointed. “Why is my portrait just a stick figure with boobs & squiggly hair?” “It’s an ugh… expressionist piece? That’s a thing, right?” Most of the time when I’m in an art museum, I can respect various mediums… and then others just confound me. Then again, I wouldn’t have imagined doing some of this crazy sh*t. In good old Denver, a 36-year-old woman was accused of causing $10,000 worth of damage to a painting by the late abstract expressionist artist Clyfford Still, a work valued at more than $30 million, authorities said on Wednesday. A police report said Carmen Tisch punched and scratched the painting, an oil-on-canvas called "1957-J no.2", at the recently opened Clyfford Still museum in Denver and pulled her pants down to slide her buttocks against it. By the way, this is in the statement, I’m sure. Tisch was charged with felony criminal mischief on Wednesday and has been held on a $20,000 bond since the incident in late December, said Lynn Kimbrough, spokeswoman for the Denver District Attorney's Office. Kimbrough said Tisch also urinated after she rubbed up against the canvas, but whether urine got on the painting was still under investigation (really?). Born in North Dakota in 1904, Still was considered one of the most influential of the American post-World War Two abstract expressionist artists, although he was not as well known as others such as Jackson Pollock. Still died in 1980, and the city of Denver worked for years with his widow, Patricia, to secure the single-artist museum. She died in 2005, and her husband's collection was bequeathed to the city. Four of Still's works were auctioned by Sotheby's last year for $114 million to endow the Denver museum, which opened with much fanfare in November. Because Still closely guarded his works, most of the pieces at his namesake museum had not previously been displayed. Tisch will be formally advised of the charges on Friday, Kimbrough said. So… okay a few things. First, $30 million for a painting? The one pictured above? Really? Not only that… but there are several in that price range from this guy? F**k me, I’m in the wrong career. Sad thing though… is that you have to die to collect. Good for your offspring though, I guess. Secondly, and this is where I further call into question the $30 million value, is that she did $10,000 worth of damage? Okay, reality check. If I take my Scarface poster… and punch it, scratch it a bit, then wipe my ass upon it… and probably being a little in the process (natural response) to what percentage would you think I ruined that poster? My guess is that I couldn’t give that sh*t away to a blind man. “What’s the smell?” However, we’re talking about $10,000 being 0.03% of the $30 million “value” on the painting. I’m not sure how this girl swings, scratches or scats… but I know my poster would be south of 99.97% of mint condition. I get it though. Art is a subjective market. Let them pay their huge price tags for one-of-a-kind oil paintings.

Identity Theft: Make It Somebody You Want to Be - A Dallas teen missing for more than a year has been found living in Colombia. Lorene Turner tells WFAA that her granddaughter Jakadrien Turner ran away from home in the fall of 2010 when she was just 14. Typical tragic story of a teenage runaway, right? Wait for the twist. Jakadrien made her way to Houston, where she was arrested by police. That's when things took a turn toward the Kafka-esque. Jakadrien gave the police a false name… and of all the luck, her new alias just happened to match up with the name of a 22-year-old Colombian citizen who had been in the United States illegally. That’s not all… to compound Turner's plight further, the Colombian national had a warrant out for her arrest. The U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) then deported Jakadrien in April 2011. "They didn't do their work," Lorene Turner said. "How do you deport a teenager and send her to Colombia without a passport, without anything?" Also, side note… she must be a fairly mature looking 14 year old too. Turner said she'd been looking on her computer every night for clues to her granddaughter's location, and has been cooperating with Dallas police as she carries out her search. It turns out that after Jakadrien was deported, she was given a work card in Colombia and released onto the streets. "She talked about how they had her working in this big house cleaning all day, and how tired she was," Turner said. Jakadrien is now being held in a Colombia detention facility while awaiting more information on her case. "ICE takes these allegations very seriously," said ICE Director of Public Affairs Brian Hale. " At the direction of [the Department of Homeland Security], ICE is fully and immediately investigating this matter in order to expeditiously determine the facts of this case." Yeah, I’ll bet. That’s a pretty major f**kup… but hey, that’s what a bratty ass teenager gets for being a smartass in my book. “What’s your name, miss?” “Haywood!” “Interesting name for a girl. What’s your last name?” “Jablomy!” “Let me just run this in the computer and… JACKPOT!!! Here comes my accommandations…” I really am curious what name she gave though? Jennifer Lopez? Shakira Valenzuela? Who knows?

Anyway, that’ll do it for today. Been a very busy week at work… but hey, busy means good money, right? That’s the rumor. I’ll be sure to keep you posted on any big happenings… but pretty laid back once I get home to recuperate from the workday. Wish I had more interesting stories… but hey, you don’t wanna hear about all the crazy sh*t that I think about. I just don’t have time to type it all up either. Have a great night everybody!!!

No Man Is An Island

Good Morning Ladies & Gentlemen,

Happy Friday the 13th!!! Not bad having two of these in consecutive months…but that's what February does most of the time. Last night, I ended up only working a 12-hour shift so it wasn't that bad (used to do those all the time at the last job) so afterwards, I went home and watched a movie that I had never seen before but heard good things about "The Seven Year Itch" starring Marilyn Monroe…and some guy (Thomas Ewell). It was actually a quite hilarious film…especially by 50's film standards. The story is about a Manhattan man whose wife & child go to Maine for the summer, leaving him home to work and provide for his family. Meanwhile, a curvaceous new neighbor (Marilyn, of course) moves in upstairs and his overactive imagination takes over…and it's actually quite reassuring to a crazy guy like myself…that there may actually be other people like that out there. At the beginning of the movie, he's just talking to himself in his apartment…and I do that ALL the time (schizophrenia maybe?) but then he goes into these elaborate and imaginative little skits that are basically just like something out of my blog. The title is about a theory that after being with somebody for seven years, men tend to start questioning themselves about whether they chose the right mate, could I still play the field, blah blah blah…and so their mind (and possibly other parts) starts to wander. I have no idea what that's about…because I've only lasted three months before…but there may be something to it. Of course, that's all fine & dandy…but don't forget, if my neighbor were Marilyn Monroe, I'd have wandering eyes too…and God knows my imagination would simply run rampant. It already is…and she's been dead for almost fifty years now. I would highly recommend this flick to anybody who enjoys good clean comedy with a healthy dose of eye candy. It's on par with "Some Like It Hot" in my opinion, as one of the great classic comedies.

Speaking of some liking it hot, the hot water has been off at my apartments the past two mornings…so yesterday, I awoke to a frighteningly brisk shower to start off my long day at work…and then this morning, I ended up just going the gym to take my shower…because they still had hot water. It will allegedly be taken care of by tonight…so it's a LOT faster than when I had a similar problem at the old apartment. I believe that one took a few weeks…but luckily it was during the summer, so the cold water wasn't that bad. It's dropped back down into the thirties for highs here in Denver though, so yeah, hot water is appreciated this time of year. Also found out that they have a St. Patrick's Day Parade tomorrow that goes two blocks from my house by Coors Field, so I'll have to check that out. I wonder if they'll throw beads…or preferably beers…but that may not be kid-friendly. I may have to wait until Tuesday to get my drink on…and I shall get my drink on…because luckily I live within staggering distance of a plethora of drinking establishments. Anyway, you already knew that. Here's some news...

No Man Is An Island - A man accused of driving drunk said Pennsylvania courts have no jurisdiction over him because he's his own country. After seeing the paperwork that 44-year-old Scott Allan Witmer filed with the court claiming sovereignty, a Northampton County judge said Tuesday he cannot be released from jail until he gets a mental exam. Witmer, who represented himself, said he believes police lack jurisdiction to pull him over. As he said in court: "I live inside myself, not in Pennsylvania." He said there is no victim in the crime and asked to go to trial. Defense attorney James Connell, Witmer's standby counsel, said a challenge to the traffic stop would need to be filed as a pretrial motion. It's ballsy. I like it. However, I'm pretty sure that it's not going to hold up in court. No man is an island…or even a sovereign nation. Sure, we may have our own Republic within our minds…but to say that you are a isolated nation of one is kind of a stretch. Then again, each individual is responsible for their own financial situation based upon trade with other nations, has a varying sense of justice, different regulations for what they watch on TV, ability to boycott other nations, occasionally conflict can result but we can also have a peaceful meeting of goodwill, so maybe there is something to that…but yeah, Mr. Witmer's still screwed…and with good reason, you should never drink & drive. Thus being a law of the land of $tevonia. So let it be written, so let it be done.

Finding Mick's Killer - A Los Angeles councilman has announced a $50,000 reward for help solving the 30-year-old slaying of a gym manager believed to be the inspiration of a "Rocky" movie character. Councilman Dennis Zine made the announcement Wednesday for information leading to arrests in the March 1977 slaying of Howard Steindler. Steindler was beaten and forced into his own gold Cadillac a block from his home. He was found robbed and smothered in the car. Steindler ran the Main Street Gym, where boxing stars such as Muhammad Ali and Jack Dempsey trained. He is widely believed to have inspired the character Mickey Goldmill, the boxing manager played by Burgess Meredith in the films. Interesting that such a reward would be offered now…especially since they've done so well finding out information on the alleged killers of Biggie & Tupac (remember my theory?) but I had no idea that Mick was actually inspired by somebody. I thought he was more of a composite character - like a mix of a typical boxing trainer, the Penguin & Jesus. I'm also thinking of a new reboot for the Rocky movie series…starting over from Rocky III. Now, here me out, Mr. T can still be Clobber Lang…and still beat Rocky the first time…but instead of Mick having a heart attack, he's smothered in his own Cadillac (always wondered what he drove) and this sends Rocky into a jungles of Colombia (somehow) after his killers…because Mick was getting too close to the drug trade in Philadelphia…and a mysterious drug lord known only as El Gatto had to make an example of him. Then Rocky recruits an elite team of underworld mercenaries to go in with him…and he's told of this group of such men called the A-Team…and who's a member of that team? Clobber Lang. We can call it "Rocky III: Expendables" and we can get Jason Statham, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Eric Roberts, Randy Couture, and even a fellow $teve who works out, Stone Cold Steve Austin now. We can even have Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren) in there as a tie in to "Rocky IV", my God this thing almost writes itself. What? They're already kind of doing that? The only difference is the finding Mick's killer angle? Dang it. You're good, Mr. Stallone. I can see why they call you Sly.

Venice Update - Venice, Italy is one of the most beautiful cities in all of the world. It may also be washed away in a matter of weeks because of global warming and the rising tides…but in the meantime, it's dark secrets are being found out. VAMPIRES once ran rampantly through the narrow streets and canals. Matteo Borrini, an anthropologist from the University of Florence (Italy, not Kentucky or South Carolina), said the discovery on the small island of Lazzaretto Nuovo in the Venice lagoon supported the medieval belief that vampires were behind the spread of plagues like the Black Death. According to Borrini, "This is the first time that archaeology has succeeded in reconstructing the ritual of exorcism of a vampire. This helps ... authenticate how the myth of vampires was born." The skeleton was unearthed in a mass grave from the Venetian plague of 1576 (in which the artist Titian died) on Lazzaretto Nuovo, which lies around three km (2 miles) northeast of Venice and was used as a sanatorium for plague sufferers. The succession of plagues which ravaged Europe between 1300 and 1700 fostered the belief in vampires, mainly because the decomposition of corpses was not well understood. Gravediggers reopening mass graves would sometimes come across bodies bloated by gas, with hair still growing, and blood seeping from their mouths and believe them to be still alive. The shrouds used to cover the faces of the dead were often decayed by bacteria in the mouth, revealing the corpse's teeth, and vampires became known as "shroud-eaters." According to medieval medical and religious texts, the "undead" were believed to spread pestilence in order to suck the remaining life from corpses until they acquired the strength to return to the streets again. "To kill the vampire you had to remove the shroud from its mouth, which was its food like the milk of a child, and put something uneatable in there. It's possible that other corpses have been found with bricks in their mouths, but this is the first time the ritual has been recognized." While legends about blood-drinking ghouls date back thousands of years, the modern figure of the vampire was encapsulated in the Irish author Bram Stoker's 1897 novel "Dracula," based on 18th century eastern European folktales. Okay, so this really has nothing to do with finding out about vampires…more that they can now see how some people might have thought that there was something similar to a vampire back when there was no such thing as public education…but still, Vampires in Venice!!! I'll bet there's a movie out there with a name like that…and when I googled it, there it was...but I have a better one in mind. I can see it now, "Violent & Voluptuous Vampires of Venice" starring a host of Fritalian hotties…in Technicolor…and maybe even 3-D. That's a guaranteed smash hit…even without the Monica Bellucci love scene. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that? It's because there's going to be so many similar scenes with other Fritalians. I'll have my own day in Italy…like Fellini…only a plot that everybody can enjoy and get. Bellisima!!!

Well, that'll do it for today. Not a whole lot going on…except for the St Patty's Day Parade tomorrow morning…and hopefully the return of hot water to my shower. Stay out of trouble on this unlucky Friday the 13th…and have a great day everybody!!!