And it honestly has nothing to do with the Boston Red Sox colossal choke job. I try not to talk about sports here or that's all I would do, but for today I have to make an exception.....
It doesn't look like this is going to happen this year now, does it? The baseball season seemed to go really quickly this year, but not quickly enough for the SAWX, a team with a 160 million dollar payroll that couldn't even make it into the playoffs after holding a 9 game lead late in the year.
And while the players hang their heads in shame, and rightfully so, its not even my hatred for this team that has me giddy at the prospect of their finding themselves in the same spot I will be for the second season, drunk and beer bloated in front of my TV. Of course, I'm a HUGE Yankee fan, but that just wouldn't be the same without the Red Sox, after all, Batman needs the Joker to keep those juices flowing, and over the years of the rivalry I've grown to at least respect their fans.
You tell me what's NOT to be respected here. What makes this such a beautiful thing to me is how Sports Media always finds their darlings and slobbers all over their nuts, only to be wrong almost every time. A lot was made this season of the Yankees ridiculous payroll, age, and lack of starting pitching, just like it always is, but any time you turned on ESPN this summer all the talk was about how the Red Sox had already won the World Series, so we might as well give it to them now.
Tell me rat faced Dustin Pedroia doesn't look exactly like the guy who shits himself in Trainspotting. No wonder they couldn't get it done. But I'm sure that you can come up with plenty of other examples, like any of ESPNs college football shows blowing the SEC, which only makes me want them to lose every game. Back when USC was cheating for championships the Pac 10 could do no wrong.
Why is is that you never hear about Boston's 160 Million Dollar payroll, but it's always what a genius Theo Epstein is?
Speaking of ESPN Darlings with massive payrolls that can't get it done, Jose Reyes once again proved what a gutless puke he is taking himself out of the last game of the year for personal glory. The Mets spent 120 Million on a team that finished 8 games below .500 and 25 games out, but you'll never hear about it because the powers that be over at the most powerful Sports outlet there is, the ones not sucking up Sox man juice, are Met fans. It pours out in all of their broadcasts.
That's a franchise in real trouble. Think about how great this is though, either the Mets give 20 million a year to an aging speed player with leg problems so bad he can't stay on the field and has proven to be gutless in the clutch time and again, or they let their best player go for nothing and completely alienate what's left of the fan base stopping them from buying tickets from a broke ass franchise.... they're fucked either way.
BUT I HAVE A SOLUTION FOR THEM....
Let Jose Reyes go and deal David Wright... I've got replacements for them right here...
I understand that you can't have a team in New York without some star power though, and I've taken that under consideration. So leading off, playing Centerfield....
Julia Styles... why not. She can't be any worse of a ballplayer than she is an a actress, can she? Put me in coach, look at me, I can be Centerfield....
But the Mets need a solid # 1-2 starting pitching type. Got it covered... who better than New York native....
Alyssa Milano. That's right, how can she NOT know how to pitch, she's been run through by every pitcher in the league, hasn't she? Don't worry Alyssa, you've been my # 1 starter since I was 8 years old and nothing will ever change that. Not even scurrying out of the Met locker room pulling your uniform on...But there are so many more holes to fill on this squad, and I aim to fill them all.... at second base....
I have no idea who she is, other than being Latin, but isn't that the formula the Mets employ for filling out their roster? Besides, how can you argue against calling her up and giving her a shot in the bigs, just look at this form....
That's right baby, get down low and keep those balls in front of you. Play them off your chest if you have to. You've got plenty of time to get him.
In today's game you just can't win without some cheap players filling out the roster, can you? The Mets need to bring in a catcher.
Here we go, getting into her crouching position. Now this is a player I can really get behind. She can catch what I'm hurling in any day of the week. That's my sleeper pick for rookie of the year right there. But we're not finished, are we? Who do we bring out of the pen when we need someone to quiet those bats?
Talk about closing it out down the stretch. Well... maybe not, but these gals can't be much worse than the product on the field right now, and if you're going to SUCK, do it right! Give the fans something to cheer about, a reason to come out to the ballpark next season. I can't stand the Mets, but with this roster I'd have to seriously consider season tickets.
No matter who you root for though, there's one thing I'm sure we all can agree about....
Thank God it's Football season.... And....
GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Later People!
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